Judge — 1891 — page 62: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FUNNY THINGS FROM JUDGE. PIKE COUNTY PHILOSOPHY. An’ thar’s whar politicians is 'zac'ly like trout, 'Squire, fer they'm THE OLD SETTLER ON TROUT AND POLITICIANS. everlastin'ly great on the flop. “But thuz one thing, b'gosh! th’t trout don’t take arter poli- QUIRE,” said the old _ ticians fer, not a bit. W’en ev'rthing’s bright an’ clear around settler, as the two vet- ye, an’ no sign of a cloud anywhar a threatenin’ of ye, then the eranssatonthetavern politicians flock about ye like flies ’round the ‘lasses cup, an’ th’ stoop gazing atacreel hain’t nothin’ they won't do fer ye to help ye ‘long. But let the of trout one of the clouds settle on ye, an’ the sun git hid away, so to speak, an’ y’ boys had brought in, call on some o' them politicians—whar be they? That's the “trout is jis’ like poli. question. Whar be they? Sca’cer, b’gosh ! th’n hair on an eel ticians; “zac’ly like And thar’s whar trout differs f’m politicians. Y’ don't see no politicians.” trout foolin’ round w’en it's bright an’ clear ; but w’en it's cloudy, “Major,” said the an mebbe a-gonter rain, an! y’ can't see no bottom in the creek, "Squire, “how so?” even if ’tain’t more'n three inches deep, then they'll gether ‘round “'Cause,” replied an’ won't be back’ards in findin’ out w'at yer wantin’ of ‘em. But the old settler, “y’ then ag’in, Squire, politicians is 'zac'ly like trout in another way.” can’t never depend on The old settler paused and lifted one of the biggest and ‘em. Y’ can’t depend brightest of the trout from the basket and held it up admiringly. on'em f'om one day He showed no inclination to explain his last remark, and the toanother, W’en yer Squire, growing impatient, said : countin’ on 'em a doin’ one thing, they'll right up an’ do sumpin’ else th’t y' wa’n’t countin’ on, an’ ‘Il knock yer cac’lations sky-high. Jis’ look, fer instance, how often y'll work to git a holt o’ some ol’ trout th’t’s layin’ low for bids down thar in the creek. He's a smart ol’ cuss, an’ it'll be jis’ like him to come up to ev'rything y’ offer him an’ take it without yer gittin’a holt on him, Bimeby mebbe y'll git out of inducements to offer, an’ wile yer gone to dig some more, ‘long comes another feller an’ chucks in a bid fer Mr. Trout. That feller, mebbe, is a leetle smarter'n you be, an’ w'en y’ come back, y’ find th’t the trout has jumped at his offer, an’ th’t the feller has gota holt on him, an’ fer all th’t you've ben puttin’ up fer him, yer left out in the cold. Hain’t y’ never heerd o’ politicians treatin’ folks jis’ that way? “ An’ then, ag’in, the feller w'at's got the holt on the trout 'Il hev a chance to see how much like a politician he is if he don’t look out, an’ he wants to be a mindin’ his eye, fer w'ile he’s jist a workin’ the trout fer all he’s wuth an’ countin’ MAMIE'S FIRST ATTEMPT. on him big, all of a suddent he'll give a flop, an’ : | x the feller ‘Il find th’t his holt is gone, an’ the He—"* How kind of you, ooire T will always kee} ‘ 5 hat do you mean? Why don’t you eat trout is ready to lay fer some un else's offer. Eat it?) Great Scott! I thought it was a paper-weight.” “Wall, Major, w'at is t'other way ez to w'ich politicians is ‘zac'ly like trout?” “*Cause’ th’ hain’t one on 'em but w’ats all over spots,” replied the old settler, placing the trout back in the basket. Then the veterans laughed and wandered in to the bar. xp. worr A MEDICAL journal says that a window in a sleeping-chamber should always be let down a few inches at the top, even in the coldest weather, in order to admit a little fresh air; but it is not always safe to follow the advice of a medical journal. A little fresh heir has been known to keep a man awake all night, and transform him into a modern Herod—almost. AS OFTEN TAUGHT. Whee Georgie, Washington was small, No fact would he deny, is father's favorite tree vs It was his principles To tell sked lie! This is the noble reason why Tought to speak the truth, Because when Washington was young He was a truthful you IT HAD THE NECESSARY. STRENGTH. A tale git she Kodly Belped CAPTAIN SALTHORSE (to landlady)—‘* Mrs. Hashetter, can you tell me where I can purchase large The Degear-man was very rich, quantities of this butter?” Nod when he diea be tee tall Mas, HasHetteR (gushingly)—" Now, my dear captain? What can you want of a quantity of ‘That little girl to pay. that excellent butter This is the noble reason why CAPTAIN S.—'' I intend arming my marines with it in place of cutlasses, as my experience with it See aN Seeks any ne ices here convinces me it’s a great thing to repel boarders.” ‘They gratefully reward. comicbooks.com