Judge, 1891 · page 60 of 69
Judge — 1891 — page 60: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* magazine contains three separate humorous pieces: **"Poor Fellow"** satirizes a vain, wealthy young man ("George the masher") who habitually flirts with female hotel clerks. When he becomes particularly bold one evening, the women ingeniously humiliate him by treating him as blind—dropping coins in his hat as charity while remarking "Poor fellow, it's a pity he's blind." The prank succeeds because bystanders join in, creating public embarrassment that finally stops his annoying behavior. **"To Daphne"** is romantic poetry (likely parody) celebrating a woman's beauty while lamenting unrequited love—conventional sentimental verse. **"Debased Luxury"** and the two shorter joke vignettes ("Inside" and "Outside") are brief gags about memory systems, dental work, and forgotten umbrellas—typical filler humor. The satire targets male entitlement and harassment; the woman's clever response demonstrates social wit defeating masculine presumption through coordinated public shaming.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
58 FUNNY THINGS FROM JUDGE. POOR FELLOW. George was a regular masher from Masher- ville, and he deserved to be taken down occasion- ally ; but he thinks the trick played on him re- cently was“rather rough, doncherknow.” The way of it was this: George is decidedly dudesque in his attire, his outfit being gotten up regardless of expense —to his father—and, ap- preciating his mashing qualities, he made it a rule to stand near the entrance of the hotel, where he could crush the hearts of a number of female clerks who passed that way every evening on their , way home. The girls were evidently annoyed || at George’s advances ; but he only seemed to grow more bold from day to day, and would stand with his hat in hand, and smile and bow as the girls went by. Finally, it happened one evening, when there was more than the usual crowd of gentlemen about the hotel entrance, George took his place, and when the girls came along, he was more than usually demonstrative, perhaps being unduly excited by an extra glass of cau sucre, and almost met them bowing, hat in hand. As the first couple came up they looked at him quietly and with pitying faces, and then remarked: “Poor fellow, it's a pity he's blind.” “So young; I wonder if he was born so.” is satisfactory. TO DAPHNE. L Daphne, thy starry eyes I know ‘Are soft and kind, Whose violet depths the gods, I trow, For love designed. And yet their glances pierce my heart With deadly wound In hidden nook which sword or dart Could ne'er have found, era cnoise VTE xs Thy tresses, in their wanton play By sunbeams kissed, Float on the breeze and fade away In shadowy mist ; And yet each gossamer thread I see In that bright mass Can bind me faster unto thee “Than chains of brass. mm, ‘Thy lips—their accents waft to me ‘Sweet, low and clear, Like fairy music's harmony On mortal ear; But, Daphne, if I vainly sue, Their answering breath Were worse than condemnation to ‘The grimmest death. So suffering man must needs confess, Tt doth appear, That, clothed in all your loveliness, You're dangerous, dear. SAMUEL DUYFIRLD OssoRne. INSIDE. Srupent—"' My dear sir, your memory system A false alarm: When you fear your teeth are coming out, but they don’t. want a testimonial, refer to me.” His CLIENT (efwween puffs)—"' You've done bull make it stay in one place more'n five minutes at a time, has been of incalculable advantage to me. DEBASED LUXURY. Mr, Leuze, the eminent decorator, has finished sonte bachelor apartments for old Silvergilt, and has called to see that everything my boy, all ‘cept this dog-gasted cuspidor I'found on the mantel, I can't They turned quickly to one side, and each dropped a penny into his hat, and then passed on. The second couple followed suit, and the next, each making pitying remarks, and so quickly was it done, and so taken aback was the young man, that the eight girls in the crowd had all deposited their pennies and moved on before he recovered his self-possession, while the crowd of men around the hotel entrance saw the performance and roared with laughter, He doesn’t bother those girls any more, because whenever he takes his place anywhere in that vicinity, with an apparent campaign of mashing on hand, somebody is sure to say: “Poor fellow, it's a pity he’s blind !"" And then George will walk off like a rooster that has been into a fight and got whipped. OUTSIDE, Proressor—*' Excuse me, sir; isn't this your umbrella?” If you comicbooks.com