Judge — 1891 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FUNNY THINGS FROM JUDGE. LOVE BY TELEPHONE. Hullo, Central! Forty-nine? Yes, forty-nine ; that's what I said. Wait a minute? Waited now "Bout an hour, Wire dead? Well, wake her up! Now I've got it: 's that you Kate? How's my little—click, click, click— | Blame th’ aggravating thing, It’s enough to make one sick ! Give me forty-nine! There, I've got it! ‘Tell me dear, Will you always trust your Ned ? THOSE COUNTER LUNCHES, ' vv ve lways—b-r-r-r-r-r-1 2 " c, : a * y _ Loire iene" Youn Suisiey—" Waitah, will you be kind enough to put a spoonful of my s is bound to kill me dead— oyster stew in my mouth? I've been here half an hour, and the smell is all I've Shut the current off !!! got of it.” _ Ashoemaker’s epitaph—True to the last. A baker’s—A friend in knead. A lawyer’s—Calmly he lies. A fireman’s—He dread- ed not the fire. A IT WAS TOO MUCH. . " plumber’s — Faith- “Tam sorry we (Bg ? ful to his charge. cannes accommo- | Bohs q z ie date you, sir,” re- fl Gn x marked. the young ty ai Ce: Z cael otal I divinity - student - val ys > i My right there's none to waiter to the sum- J “¢ 4 AE Bere, dispute ! mer-hotel boarder; ; j i sik “but you remind And this is the home you me of the people of ‘ : *) have made, Jerusalem.” 4 ee ; While you treat your wife “Why so?” i : . 5 like a brute, uired the hungry g iiinmer boarders © ieee . ‘De lays are dan- “Because you : gerous,” remarked keep saying, ‘Peas, af the colored orator, peas, when there is (ese. 4 | 2s the bad eggs be- % y gan to fly; and then And then the por- y IOS | he retired from the ter was called in to 3 platform. . carry the fainting A P 4 . goes out into the = Wail of the Boston fresh air. HEARTLESS. Lass—“ Of all sad Miss Oritix Astwasi—"" Do they play tennis in India, Colonel 7 inhitees of tongue or CoL. HAwson—"* Y; it isn’ Dari a in, a tige Ny he saddes' An old sea cap- jungle and earicd off one of the payers nn DUNT TBS last game T was in. a tiger Jjompel out of the | Doty i nt have tain whose schooner Miss Orin Amaan—'* Was the poor fellow leading, or behind on the game?” . had been pretty well knocked about by the recent gales, was pious enough to attend church and give thanks for his deliverance. One text that he heard there raised his ire, however. “ Humph,” he growled. ‘“‘Those ~ who go down to_thesea in ships see the works of the Lord and his wonders on the deep.’ Very likely they do; but those who go down in schoon- ers see h—I.” It is rather better on the whole to make a pursuit of law than to let the law make a pursuit of you. GEMS FROM THE ANCIENTS. ALFRED AND THE DUMPLI Alfred of England while traveling stopped at a boarding-house and saw a dumpling on the table. Se- curing a cold chisel and a hammer, he was about to open it and see how the apples got inside of it. “Hold thy hand,” said a courtier, “else if thou devour it thou wilt have more vexation as to how it came. inside thee than as to the mystery of the apples.” “ Ha, sayest thou?” said the king. “Of a truth I perceive that my a lieges need ribs of iron as well as TROUBLE AT THE MILITARY SCHOOL. hearts of oak, for here I see the I ee) A ss . INsTRUCTOR—"* What's wrong in the front rank 7 difference between boarding-house digestion and Private Piirrs—* Please, sir, Private Simmons ’s went an’ puta peanut in his breech-loader indigestion.—Vide Green's History for Smaller Minds. wn place of a blank cartridge, an’ he can't get it out.” comicbooks.com