Judge, 1891 · page 21 of 69
Judge — 1891 — page 21: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two satirical pieces from *Judge* magazine mocking upper-class social life. **"A Vacation Fairy"** is a poem satirizing romantic idealization versus practical reality. A young man on vacation fantasizes about a woman while she remains indifferent, thinking instead of charitable work and her wealth. The joke undercuts his romantic reverie—he's attracted to her despite knowing her indifference. **"He Went to the Ball"** mocks a newspaper reporter sent to cover a society ball. The editors sent their lowest-ranking staff member (a struggling poet from Maine reduced to menial labor) to report on the "Society Shriekers" association ball. His drunken, rambling account—with editorial interpolations—becomes absurdly incoherent, satirizing both society events and journalistic incompetence. The bottom illustration shows a sequence of exaggerated facial expressions labeled "The Gape; or, A Study in Expression," likely mocking theatrical affectation or fashionable reactions at such balls. The satire targets wealthy social circles, poor journalism, and the gap between romantic fantasy and reality.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
FUNNY THINGS FROM JUDGE. A VACATION FAIRY. JOW GAY ‘tis to lie ‘nerth the trees on a day When breezes are lad ned with flowery spray, And let the pipe-smoke wing your fancies away ‘Through maple-boughs waving above you ! Beside you a fairy in petticoats sits And reads from the papers the raciest bits ; While Cupid is scarring your heart with his hits You know the dear girl doesn’t love you. She thinks more of giving old women quilt skirts, Or keeping stout hucksters in red-flannel shirts, Than sparing a thought on the fellow who flirts Amid the pink tassels of clover. And yet the fond glances from lovely brown eyes fade every dream and your heart paralyze, thoughts of your income's ridiculous size Make prudence throw sentiment over. You're away from petitioning lawyers and duns, From callow young brokers with elderly puns, From old apple-women and men who sell buns, ‘The glories of Zeus would have been jotted down And posters old fences adorning For boys to construe and vote airy ; A sense of contentment, a feeling of ease, But had you met Her in a festival throng, Creeps over your mi ing there ‘neath the trees ; You'd have wielded your stylus and reveled in song, You ask the dear girl will she try a kiss, please— And wooed with your lyrics, the whole summer long, “They're fresh,” you confess, “every morning.” “This dear little vacation fair Flaccus! had you journeyed out of this town— A vast monochrome of monotonous brown— HE WENT TO THE BALL. decked with—be—(Thanks, here’s to Tur Jupcr)—bedecked The ball season is very demoralizing. It tends to corrupt the — with flags and bunting. jevenile reporter. Tue Jupce states so because he is aware of “At eight A.M.—P.M.—No, A.M.—P.M. is right, the worthy the fact personally. president (All right, I will be there in a minute) the grand march The other day there came to the office an invitation for one of _ was led by the worthy president, Mr. McGilder and his lady-like our staff to attend a ball given by the “Society Shriekers’” wife, who was attired in pink silk and gems. Following them Association at Never-quit came Mr. McGloin and sister Hall. Asa private note from (Now I am ready to go with the secretary of the “Society you. | Shriekers’” Association stat- “Mr. McGloin’s sister wore ed that said social circle a hem- stitched polonaise, contained over one thousand gored down the back and members, each of whom took four copies of THe JupGe— whether at news-stands or off of front stoops was not men- tioned—a representative was sent down, He was a nice, ox-eyed young fellow, who had come from Way-down-East, Maine, with a spring poem, expect- ing to reap fame and fortune from it. Unluckily the poem did not connect. Cruel editors failed to per- ceive its inwardness ; result- antly he was forced to accept a menial situation at our office, where for three dollars week he was engaged to light fires, carry coal, sweep out, carry corpses from our private morgue, write lead- ing articles,and also be ready to do all necessary report- orial work, Wesent him to the “Society Shriekers’” ball, and the fol- lowing report is what came tou vidently, from its perusal, it must have been written under wine-room influences --the interpolations appear to so denote. Here it is: “I shall never marry for beauty "— And the one that gets you won't, either.”” (There is only seven of you. Well, I'll come.) “Ball great success. Miss De Lacy got moire antique dress, Greatest affair season. Ald’man Murphy jolly fel- low. So is his wife. All good fellows. ‘Rah for S’ciety Shriekers. Ex-Judge Mud’s cousin, from Bohoken, ele- gantly ‘tired in Charlotte de Russe style. Senator Hoolihan and lady captured all hearts. Senator showed diamonds no object. Lady splendid. Wore yellow tur- ban with plon-plon on, Bully for her. “Met Miss Plantagenet. Nice girl. Got ona Pompa- dour dress all fluted. Wink- ed at me. Mash. I guess stan’ a bottle any Write report later, and—— We got the report. And soon afterward we got our reporter. It cost us ten dollars, and Jefferson Market was where we got him out of. He returned home to his parents very soonly, but we “The ball of the ‘Society Shriekers, an association composed _ still hold his grip-sack for the tenner. Ten cases are ten cases of the first gentlemen of Cherry street and vicinity, was a great But we have an idea, that if we don’t get the promised check success. (No—I won't have nothing now.) The hall was from his paternal, that we will be left upon the grip-sack, From tastily bedecked with—(Well, I will have one.) its feel we think that it contains a bottle of ha r-oil and a “The hall was cheerfully—no, tastily—bedecked with—be- “Guide to New York.” THE GAPE; OR, A STUDY IN EXPRESSION. comicbooks.com