Judge — December 26, 1891 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE CHRISTMAS STOCKINGS. HOBBY - HORS’ is what I want, an’ I want it on Krismus. I don’t want no one to come an’ chuck me under the chin an’ say, ‘My sweet one, if you are a nice boy you'll get what you pray fur.’ Auntie Sarah, will you lend me one of your stockings ?” “What for, my dear ?” “Just to hold a stick of pep’mint candy. An’ say, Auntie Mary, I'd like one of your stockings, too.” “I don’t know about that, pet.” “Yours ‘Il hold a bag of flour, fur you know it’s bigger.” “’Sh! ha! ‘sh! she! scat!” And the diamond edition dreadful was hurried off to bed. And the casual caller told Auntie Mary that he certainly would expect her to be ready for the opera prompt at eight to-morrow. Auntie Mary blushed, but Auntie Sarah went up stairs mad. THAT is not a nice little Christmas story, but here is one that is true. It was a nice day in the middle of November when Uncle Horace came in from the club. “ Your feet won't fit ‘em, Uncle Horace.” “ Won't fit what, my boy ?” Before the diamond edition could put in-his funny work a hand reached out from behind a curtain and he was yanked into space forthwith. “Humph! the girls are making slippers for me, I see. Guess I'll have to buy the furs after all,” mused Uncle Horace. The girls got the furs, but Uncle Horace didn’t get any slippers. The diamond edition had spoiled all that. Uncle Horace got a pin-cushion with “Merrie Xmas" pricked upon it in bright pin-heads ; also he got a nice necktie with a glass bead set in the off corner. ‘The diamond edition played havoc among the family. He let all the cats out of all the bags. He didn’t get his hobby-horse, but he got very sick about ten a. m., was put to bed, and suffered the pangs of the condemned as he lay there, while the dishes rattled in the dining-room below. M.S, KELLER, A NON-APPEARANCE, Juriet (from the balcony) —"* Rr-r0- meo! Ro-o-omeo! where art thou, R-r-ro- o-0-meo?” Romno (from the wings, where he has been settling a grudge)— “ Under the supe !” OUT OF SEASON. I TIS said, ‘ At Christmas play and have good cheer,” But then the base-ball player's far from gay ; “Tis winter and the snow and ice appear, Te has no cheer because he cannot play. CHRISTMAS JOYS. THE man who goes by stealth with a basketful for his poor neigh- bor, and does not curry favor by making a gift to a rich man. The woman who does not wonder how little she can give for the amount she would like to get. : The girl who dares to disagree with a young man a week before Christmas. mn The husband who doesn’t Ive buy his wife something which UPS AND DOWNS. First TRAVELER —"' Say, boss! is this the roight road to the nixt village?” iy ster —"' Keep right on, and follow the point of your nose.” | has beet long neaded (tats Sk uty “But, mine frendt, we fh family, want to. stay togedder. Is dere no odder way ?” The} wile who pays for her husband’s present in some way that does not make him dread to receive it, Children whose conduct is not regulated for a week before Christmas by the fear that “ Santa Claus will hear.” The young lady actually unconscious of the fact that she is under the mistletoe. The dude who does not stand off his washerwoman to:Buy a hand-painted good: for-nothing for his sweet- heart, who doesn't need it. Anybody who gives where it is needed or deserved, hop- ing for nothing again, who with love and unselfishness CORRECTING THE TEACHER. eds Bis atcnose. co Christies, ‘Teacten—"' Spell ‘kitte TEACHER —'* Kitten hasn't two i's.” cheer with _— K = n't two i's. with peace and good- Boy (hesitatingly) —"* K-i. Boy—" Please ma'am, most of 'em have.” will toward men. comicbooks.com