Judge, 1891-12-12 · page 7 of 18
Judge — December 12, 1891 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* combines romantic poetry with workplace humor and holiday sentiment, typical of late 19th-century American satirical magazines. The dominant feature is "Shetland Wool," a sentimental poem about a young man watching his beloved wind wool—using the domestic task as metaphor for love's binding chains. It's earnest Victorian romance, not satire. The cartoon titled "Urtopsticks" depicts a brief theatrical employment negotiation: a man accepting a twenty-five-dollar-per-week job offer for "heavies" (muscular roles) from a theater manager. The humor is gentle workplace banter, with no apparent political content. The remaining sections—"Painful Reminiscence" (a pun-based joke about an old boot with a foot in it), "Rare Sport" (brief character dialogue), and "Christmas Sentences Passed by the Judge"—are lighthearted holiday-themed moral observations and wordplay, reflecting *Judge's* mix of sentiment and mild wit typical of its era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE SHETLAND WOOL. Y MARION, my May blossom, With every thread she winds She winds about my heart ‘A chain, and fast it binds With links that will not part ; ‘And yet she does not think How she winds beyond control, Gold link o'er golden link, Love's chain with the Shetland wool. Love's statue in the garden, Knee-deep in snow it stands ; ‘The falling snow-flakes harden Upon the cold, white hands. Love's self from the outer air Retreats to bowers less cool And hides in my darling’s hair ‘As she winds the Shetland wool, With hair of flowing gold On shoulder and on bosom Falling fold on fold, And Ia stripling vain, just freed from college rule, Holding the fleecy skein ‘As she winds the Shetland wool. Into the ball that grows ‘Asa snowball white and round What fancies, dreams (who knows?), What hopes and fearg are wound! Sweet dreams of merry times In new-year days and Yule And a poet's heart and rhymes Are wound with the Shetland wool. But love, you say, in spring Will fly back to the bowers Where linnets woo and sing In their nests among the flowers. Yet love we will follow and find, ‘And I the roses will pull Which she will bind and wind Instead of the Shetland wool. What though her father laugh And say in his jesting way The boy:bat loves by half And the girl is only in play? A girl may grow to a wife "And learn in love's old school To wind the threads of a life With a skein of Shetland wool. ‘eyenanncectnne TnI QUAL PT Have you a good engagement, Richard?” enty-fite per week.” That's not so bad. Showman wants a man for heavies ALORRT ROLAND HAVEN. at twenty-five. RICHARD —"' His office is just a little way down Broadway, ain't i Urrotricks—" Yes.” Rictarp—" Well, so long. T'll see you later.” A French philosopher and a Portuguese poet have delivered the fol- lowing into my hands: The hope of happiness is a happiness of itself, for it contains the happiness of the hope. Since the original paradise has entangled itself in mystery, involved its site in uncertainties, or put forth thorns; and since the orthodox heaven lies across the frontier of an unknown country, impregnable to all save those who bear passports signed by the warden and the ruler thereof, grant us a little spot inclosed by walls, with a soft light, a warm glow, and our dearest possessions within it. Then if fate please to add a handful of minor gifts—ho for our Christmas celebration ! karim cRosyEan. PAINFUL REMINISCENCE. Gillispoon—"1 trust T'll fare better this Christmas than 1 did the last.” De Palette—* Why?” Gillispoon —" | had an old boot presented me.” De Palette—" Why didn’t you ask for the mate?” Gillispoon — Because the first one had a foot in it. MAHEL—"' Ilave you ever noticed how Polly Wanter is making game of young “Mr, -Cashly ?” Maup—" If you mean that she’s Aunting him—why, yes.” CHRISTMAS SENTENCES PASSED BY THE JUDGE. ET love be master of the feast. Love fills most scanty measures. If you have joy prepare to shed it now. ‘There is a cross in every tree upon which to be crucified. A light purse should find its counterpoise in a light heart. If thou canst not afford the lesser gifts give the greater—give thyself. Ostentation too often holds the bag while generosity scatters the shekels, Like the links of an iron chain overgrown by a vine of trailing roses, so are memories. 3 A Christmas pudding may take its flavor less from its ingredients than from its surroundings. Least of all do we sacrifice anything when we deny some pleasant thing to the body to gratify the heart. ‘Our loves rendered to the Lord are not infrequently in close propor- tion to the loves rendered ourselves by our friends. TEMPERED TOIL. Roaperoe RaFFiin—‘ Say, Miley, this is d’ softes’ snap yet.” Mitey —"* What is? Rarriin —* Why, d’ ole dame has piled her wood agin d’ dairy-house, an’ your uncle's been sawin’ cheeses fer a quarter an hour.” comicbooks.com