Judge, 1891-12-05 · page 34 of 52
Judge — December 5, 1891 — page 34: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains racist dialect humor typical of late 19th-century American publications. **"Caesar's Soliloquy"** depicts an enslaved or formerly enslaved Black man lamenting a missing possum—his anticipated Christmas dinner. The monologue, written entirely in exaggerated "plantation dialect," shows Caesar angrily berating his dog Cuff while fantasizing about cooking the possum. The joke culminates when he suspects Deacon Jackson (another Black character) stole it, contrasting Jackson's religious faith with Caesar's pragmatic hunting methods. **"A Happy Accident"** shows two Irish laborers (Grogan and Collins, identified by dialect and names) fallen in a ditch, making crude jokes about drinking and the Irish stereotype of alcohol consumption. **"Repeated History"** continues similar Irish-immigrant stereotyping, with characters discussing "Aberham 'n Isick" (unclear historical reference) while implying drunkenness via "potheen" (illicit whiskey). The page exemplifies Judge's reliance on ethnic and racial caricature as humor—content offensive by modern standards but commonplace in 19th-century American satire.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
CHRISTMAS JUDGE. CASAR’S SOLILOQUY. (Christmas morning and the ‘possum gone !) 64 9 IDREAMIN’? I kea-i-n-t be'sleep! Stop yo' whinin’ dar, Cuff, yo' mis’ble ca-nine! Yo! fool dawg! Wat good er’t gwine t ‘do yo" 'f yo stan’ dar a-eyein’ dat emp'y stew-pan? Eh? Goody Lawdy! whar dat ‘possum? An’ all ready fo' t’ eat! jist fit fo" t’ stick de fawk intoe an’ cahve, wid de gravy a-waitin’ t' ooze out'n hit laik watah out'n a sponge w'en yo’ squeeze ! “Stop yo" howlin’ dar, yo" o’nery dawg! D’ yo’ ‘pose yo" mo’nin’ laik dat er gwine t’ fetch back dat dinnah? Oh, Lawdy, jis’ t’ t'ink dat I dun gib yo’ de ham bone las’ night an’ didn’ stay my own stummick, waitin’ fo’ t’ fill up wif ‘possum dis mawnin’! T'z empy ‘za soap bubble! “Hahk, dar, yo’ mis’ble whe'p, ‘r I'll hit yo’ wif oner dem shoes! T’ tink dat yo’ mus’ whine an’ take on w'en I’z tryin’ t'ink! Goody Lawdy! C’rismus an’ no meat! Dar's many a slip ‘tween de ‘possum an’ de cahvin'-knife! ‘Zif ‘twa'n’t hahd ‘nuff t’ git’ possum widout losin’ de cahcuss! “Hi, dar! Stop yo’ whinin’, yo’ misfawch'nit dawg! ‘Cose I ‘membah yo’ treed dat ‘possum! But yo’ might a-crouch undah dat tree on yo’ hunches twell fohty C’rismusses cum, an’ waited fo’ dat ‘possum t’ die a nat’rul def, an’ den mebbe died befo’ yo’ git um! 7 dun capcha dat ‘possum, Cuff, an’ ‘f anybody 'z gwine t’ howl I'z de howlah, Goody Lawd, how sweet dat ‘possum smell wen we tote ‘im home! An’ w’en I skin ‘im an’ rub de salt on, an’ bilt de fi’ an’ set ‘im t’ sizzle in he own fat an’ jis’ wait wif nuffin t’ eat las’ night t’ git de hungrier fo’ de feas’! An’ now dat ‘possum gone ! “Gone! Gone whar'? Er yo’ gwine quit dat howlin’, Cuff? Bu'nt yo" chops, eh, a-lickin’ de emp'y pan? Suv yo' right. I nebbah see a dawg dat got sense, Yo" a’n’t sat- erfied t' know de ‘possum er gone, but mus’ whine an’ howl abo’t it! An’ wif yo’ eye on de A HAPPY ACCIDENT. Grogan (in the ditch) —“' Oi'm dry as a fish-bone, Collins.” CoL.ins —“‘ Shure, Oi cud dhrink a tank,” emp'y pan an’ a-lookin’ ‘t de blazin’ fi’ dat makes de grease sizzle yo’ mus’ stick yo’ chops in an’ git bu'nt! Goody Lawdy! I’z emp'y 'z Deacon Jacksin's wallet! Huh! Deacon Jacksin! Did he puhloin dat ‘possum? Cuff, de deacon sce us wif dat’ possum yistiddy! An’ w'en I ax um w’at he dun got fo’ dinnah t'-day, w'at he say? He say, ‘Brudder Casar, de Lawd will fu'nish.’ Dis yeah trustin’ t' de Lawd widout gwine out wif a gun era club w’en dar er ‘possum in de brush er oner Deacon Jacksin’s failin’s. I'll gam'le dat emp’y stew-pan agin all de ‘possum in de wood dat de deacon dun bean heah dis mawnin' ! “Cuff, 'f yo’ doan’ stop dat mo’nin’ an’ whinin’ an’ howlin’ I'll gib yo’ suffin’ t’ mo'n an’ whine an’ howl fo’! Yo" heah me? Goody Lawdy, I kin tas‘ dat ‘possum now, an’I a'n't had a bite! Wat 'z de yuse o' libbin’ in a wo'ld whar dar er mo’ dat steal dan dar er dat dan’? W’at's de yuse er bein’ roun’ folks dat er so lazy dat dey let somebody cut cawd-wood an’ raise chickens an’ cotch ‘possum an’ den he'p daire- se'ves? Heah I iz aftah cotchin’ dat ‘possum an* REPEATED HISTORY. Me. Hotwortny— I've heerd tell ‘bout, dat yer Aberham 'n Isick bus'ness, an’ now, jedgin’ by d’ pull on de ole axe, I'm led fer ’t tink dat dey’s sump'n in hit.” Grocan —"* Th’ saints is good, Jerry !" Cortins—"' They is, Denny, an’ th’ potheen's betther !" comicbooks.com