Judge — December 5, 1891 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHAT THEY NEED. F I WERE St. Nick I would carry about The things that some people are living without ; To ballet-girls, youth ; To lawyers, the truth ; To satisfied beauties, a shadow of doubt. If I were St. Nick I would hasten to bring To hopeless old maidens a fair wedding ring ; To dudes, their decease ; ‘To congressmen, peace ; And, oh, to the poct, a new song to sing! A QUESTION OF SIZE. Dashaway —“ What are you going to do with that, old man?” Bingo (displaying a toy tree) — That's our Christmas tree. We are living in a flat now.” A GREAT RECORD. Clara —" How did you get on at the church trimming ?” Maude --" Very well. 1 got three engagement rings.” A YOUNG SPARK. I could never marry a man unless I felt sure he would make a shine in life.” Marry me, then. I'm an electrician.” (Continued from page 18.) his own, That was the situation in a nutshell, my friend, when Christmas came round some four years ago, wrapped in snow and ice according to the illustrated papers. ‘They were having a dancing-party down-stairs in the drawing-rooms, and I sat up here in my cage listening to the jiggle of the musicians and wondering what sort of a time the boys would have, after the dance, when they went down in the billiard-room to hunt the buffalo. I knew Jack's engagement would be announced, and I also knew his father would be blessed well pleased with any sort of a reorganization scheme that would relieve him of Jack's debts. The neighbors pooh-poohed the idea and said Mabel was a hundred times too good for Jack, who was a villain, I admit ; but some of the old men thought Mabel had missed the parlor-car and was willing to go by freight. I say I was dreaming in this style, when Mabel came softly into the room and geing over to the window raised the blind—pardon me, curtain—and lifted Bertie from the window-sill, I saw it all in a jiffy, then; and a great fear came over me, until I thought the family ghost was inter ‘ Sty vening to save the girl from the villain and the villain from matrimony. But I made an awful & MUSICAL SURFRISE: error, and in a moment they had gone down stairs and told the company they had been married that morning. All the neighbors were very happy, of course, and said the old man could now pay off the mortgages with Mabel’s money. Later in the evening he told Bertie that his marriage was a failure. He explained this by saying that he was Mabel’s guardian and had invested her money in a second mortgage on his own house, Mabel, in her womanly way, insisted that it was all for the best ; but the old gentleman meant business and put Bertie out in the potato- patch with a hoe, And this little story, my friend, why every Christ- mas in this house seems, like a general funeral. But Jack smiles and be- lieves that he who laughs first shows the best con- ception of a time- worn proverb. “Tl put dese yere eggs in dis ole horn. Jes’ de place for dat ole dominick hen to set on.” —"'Go to der house an’ tell yer ‘Ain't never herd yo' ole man toot, ain't yer? “toot.” mudder ter scrape yer clean an’ save de , P Jes’ watch dat.” Tbe) toot scrapin's. Some ole fool here done | SANTA CLaus is no lay eggs in de horn.” myth; he’s a mister. comicbooks.com