Judge — November 28, 1891 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

1 AM THANKFUL ECAUSE 1 am not dead. Whether I am thankful that I am alive is another question. Because I am a plain American citizen. I might have been a prohibitionist, a socialist, a the- osophist, or a leader of some political clan. Because the only disease I'am afflicted with is a bad liver. It might have been asthma or just plain phthisis. Because I am not predisposed to worry. I might have been a million- aire of the editor of a religious newspaper. Because the young ladies next door daily practice and “The Mocking Bird.” Wagner’: Silvery Waves” Tt might have been the * Litbestod” from ‘ristan and Isolde” or the “ Dansé Macabre” of Saint-Saéns, Because my favorite reading is a good novel. Suppose I had been fond of cosmic philosophy or the Congressional Record? Because I know a good thing when I see one. I might have been anable to appreciate the modern cocktail or the advertising columns of the daily press. z Because I have gone through that sizzling furtiace,. that ecstatic NIGAE ENE. AN INSURMOUNTABLE OBSTACLE, Uncte Witt.—" What nice chicks you have, Sarah Ann! Won't you name ‘one of them after me? Saran Al * Why, T can't, Uncle Will, ‘cause they're all girls.” WHAT WE MAY EXPECT. Brotner JackK—‘*About a month agoold Billion’s daughter promised to be a sister to me.” ‘sister KATE—"* Did she?” Brotner Jack —'* Old Billion died last week and didn’t leave mea cent. I’m going to contest the will.” Stsrer Kat “* Contest the will!" Brorwer Jack—" Yes; if she’s his daughter and my sister then I'm his son.” alloverishness known as love. Just think of it! as for love, bachelors and misogynists are simply not built for it. Because I-know the virtue of self-restraint. Surely it is something to be able to drop a pair of deuces or to run away when a mad dog approaches. Because I was born with the spirit of accommodation in me. 1 always accept a free pass and the favorable notices of my friends. Because I have never held office. By some stroke-of lightning I might have been private secretary to the president of the United States or even first assistant watchman at the barge office. Because this article will bring a cheque to NaTWaN Me Ley. A COMPROMISE. Grandma (to little May, aged five, the household terror) —* Don't you know that poor mamma is very delicate, and that when you are so very, very naughty it makes her very much worse? Mamma can’t stand it any longer. You will kill her. Now what shall we do?” May (sitting on small stool in front of grandma while mamma is weeping on sofa)—" Well, I don’t know; but if she'd get another doctor perhaps she could stand it better.” VIEWED FROM THE BALL-ROOM GALLERY. She—" What was the nature of the entertainment at Mrs. Catesby Hautton’s last night?” He—It was an evening mass-meeting.” THE ECONOMY OF HEALTH. Pater (sternly) —* Now, children, 1 don’t want you to get sick any more until that last measles-account is settled with the doctor.” AN .EXPLAINED MYSTERY. Our Dinaut (speaking fervently) —" How 'n de worl’ dat new boardah gits he's haid frough dat shirt-band, dis chile fails fer ter see!” — Put when the new boarder appeared at dinner the next day, and gave evidence that he was one of those chimpanzee-built men, Dinah ceased to wonder. comicbooks.com