Judge — November 14, 1891 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE POSSIBLE TITLES OF FUTURE BOOKS. IFFERENT Things I Might Have Been and not Half Tried,” by Colonel R. G. Ingersoll. “Reasons Why I Might Be Mistaken for Darwin the Nat- uralist Were He Alive,” by Charles A. Dana. “Blubber and How to Treat too Much of It,” by Lillian Russell. “Longevity of English Queens and the Remedy,” by the prince of Wales, the well-known lover of the game of baccarat. SOME “Why I Am not a Rival of Edwin Booth,” by Joseph Choate, LL.D., and bar- \ rister extraordinary to Uncle Sam. “The Rector of St. George's,” by the Rev. Mr. Rainsford. “The Times I Might Have Died,” by an engineer who has to work his train the best he can over the One-hundred-and-tenth-street curve on the New York elevated railroad. “Whiskers of Great Men Saved,” by a tonsorial artist in a swell metropolitan hotel. “Pretty Ankles of Great Beauties,” by the humble clerk in a big shoe-store. “ Hats that Rich Women Have Bought from Me,” by a fashionable milliner. “The Journal of a Lunatic Who Lives in Bloomingdale,” edited by another lunatic. “Ethics of a Livery Stable,” by a hireling of the owner of the said I. s. “Why I Should Not Like to Have Been Artemus Ward,” by R. J. Burdette. “News I Have Not Given to the Sus about My Mott Street Confreres,” by Wong Chin Foo. Leow stan, A LOVER OF THE UNDILUTED. Primus —* Colonel Bluegrass shut his eyes when he drank my cognac. strong for him, you suppose?” Secundus —" No; 1 guess he didn’t like to look at it for fear it would make his mouth water.” Too ON THE SHOPPING TOUR. 1 (of Denver) —"* What's that?” at's a piano-lamp, madam.” Mr. Lepuerrex —" Before you price it, Vicky, ask him if it’s any harder t’ play on than that gran’ square upright I give you /as¢ Chris'mas.” TRANSFERRED TO ANOTHER DEPARTMENT. +s PARSON,” said the farmer, * I kinder wish you'd pray for rain.” “Ob, I can’t do that,” returned the clergyman, “The state has again en- croached upon the privileges of the church. You must petition the secretary of agriculture.” HOW HE REASONED. Bunting —*\ don't have a very high opinion of Mr. Wacker.” Mrs, Bunting — You should not let the fact that he was unfortunate enough to lose his left eye prejudice you.” Bunting —"\ don't; but it indicates a limited brain power.” Mrs. Bunting —*\ don't see how.” Bunting —" He's a man of one eye, dear, now.” VERY LONG DAYS. Employer —* Now, Patrick, 1 shall expect you to work from sunrise to sunset.” Pat (at the close of day, watching for the sun to set, looks over his shoulder and sees the moon) —“ Begorra! this is the greatest counthry I iver saw. One sun don’t no more than go down whin they hang up another.” NO HUMBUG. Ixy SoLomons (after the fire) —"* Der shtock of silik is all damaged by vater—a dotal loss.” SiLBERSTEIN—"* Vell, you hafe a big sign made: ‘ Chenuine vater silk at a sagrifice.’ See?" VERY NATURALLY. 6] SEE," said the manager to the playwright, “that there is a part in this piece you call Adam. Who is h “Oh, he's the first citizen, of course.” AN INSULT. HE stood aghast with ashing eye, This fair Kentucky daughter, To see a dude with lovesick sigh Drink to her health in water, A REGULAR THING. Sunday - school teacher —" Now, children, what do you do at night just before you jump into bed? Willie Wangle, you may tell us.” Willie Wangle—"Step on the tail of my night-shirt. HOW HE GOT IT. Famisnep Finnecan (politely) —"* Young lady, would yer please ax yer mother if she can't give a poor man a bite o' cold luncheon ?* Miss Witnerurp (aged thirty-eight) —"* Sit right down here, poor fellow! I'll get you some myself.” comicbooks.com