Judge — October 31, 1891 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE ) (ae i (o) a THERE wuz a time, 1 recollict, Whenever we had draouth Mos' every farmer raound abaout Got right daown in the mouth. The corn would all go wiltin’ like ; ‘The wheat look jist like hay ; ‘The taters, beans an’ everything Would dry up that-away. ‘ere patent thing An’ bust a cloud again. Farmin’ wuz a resky thing In them ther early da Ver never knew how you With all you tried to raise. Ver hed ter plant by moon or signs Purt’ nigh altogether ; But naow I regerlate the clouds, Don't keer a durn "baout weather. A SCANDAL IN FAIRTOWN. ‘S\VHAT'S this scandal about Bobotter and his wife?” “Why, didn't you hear? Just one week after their divorce they were seen at the theatre together without a chaperone.” BREAKING THE NEWS. W'TH an imperious gesture of her hand and a mantling flush which almost rose to the surface of her lofty magnesia forehead the stately jamsburg beauty motioned the young man to a seat. “Mr. Pendash,” she said, endeavoring to conceal her emotion, ‘1 have decided that T will not go to church with you this morning. Believe me, I say this for your own good.” said the young man, sullenly removing his gum and instep, “what has prompted you to this decision ?” y," she replied firmly, her pure white throat quivering. “If my father's goats got wind of that necktie they would all drop dead.” AN ALL-AROUND CURIOSITY a Museum proprietor —" What's your particular line, my friend?” ELECTION DAY. A PAY when lungs grow weak and throats grow sore, When fighting seems a pardonable thing ; A day on which much hard-earned gold takes wing By means of rum bought at the corner store, And vile cigars are puffed at by the score ; A day when district orators have sw d lift the rafters with their chatteri Whilst listeners clap their hands and stamp and roar. Oh, what an endless tumult, din and cry ! Enough of noise the tired mind to craze, ‘The bray of bands and fireworks galore, And then the bonfire as it lights the sky, The small boys yelling as they set ablaze ‘The barrels that they stole a month before. NATHAN ats hing - Years Hence: ROBE © come out SENTENCES PASSED BY THE JUDGE. LOVE finds a way. Law without executions is a travesty on its makers. Women dress more to distract their enemies than to please their friends. Atheists do not scorn to use orthodox weapons when fight- ing orthodoxy. A too profuse information may interfere with a true forma- tion (of the mind). Masterful minds scorn not but master details. Great men leave contempt of little things to little minds. Life is overhung by disastrous possibilities which never dis- charge their electricity upon the heads of the expectant and ap- prehensive watchers. KATIIRNE CROSyEAN. HIS GRACE. Dodgeworth (alter a viotent walt) —" How do you like my dancing ?” Bella Donor saint of the art. Dodgeworth —* Who's that—Terpsichore ?” Bella Donough —* No; St. Vitus.” —‘It reminds me of that of the patron CASSARD, ALL A MISTAKE. Smithson —* Why has Dillard withdrawn his suit against his wife for a divorce? Farrar —"\ think his lawyer told him he couldn't get alimony.” IIIS WATERLOO. Boosny (ranting to appear Til funny)—"* You say these gloves [i are imported. 1 suppose you mean from Gloversvi York?" Unawen sito “Come here, Mame, onter the jay from ville. AN ALL-AROUND CURIOSITY—2. Freak (complacently) —“' Gineral utility, boss.” comicbooks.com