Judge, 1891-09-26 · page 5 of 16
Judge — September 26, 1891 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several brief satirical items typical of Judge's humor: **"The Perils of Travel"** mocks hypochondriacs—a woman worries about nonexistent boat danger while a man beside her has been bored into a trance by her talking. **"No Cause for Regret"** jokes about Irish immigrant dialect and practicality: a man falls off a barn but isn't upset since he'd run out of nails anyway. **"A Victim of Exact Language"** satirizes workplace semantics—an employee gets docked pay during vacation because the boss only said "time went on," not "salaries went on." The remaining items are lightweight humor: a Native American reading a clamshell as a clock; a prohibition joke about depleted lake water; a pun about composers needing to "produce a score"; and gender-based advice about women's romantic behavior. **"The Gorilla Abroad"** appears to mock a foreign nobleman (the "Baron") making awkward observations about American landscapes—a common stereotype of European visitors. These are genteel, pun-heavy jokes reflecting early-20th-century Judge sensibilities—mostly harmless domestic humor with occasional immigrant and class-based mockery.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
403 ininiaiae ly CHRONICLES. CIT mt BEHOLD the season of benefits! SA sore 1 The dyes in the sumach shrub aT are developing and the berries hang black on the bushes by the roadside. The little stony-hearted apples on the hawthorn -tree are turning a ruddy cheek to the sun and the small, sour wild grapes are ripening on the vines clinging to rail-fences. : Nature's spring-time dreams have blossomed in purple and gold. The aftermath is harvested and 7 the cowled prophetic cricket takes up the burden of the summer's song. Stray gleams of sunshine linger on stubble and corn-field. Sweet, dream-cyed ghosts of child- hood walk hand in hand with autumn over mellow pasture-lands. We hail thee, Autumn, and serve royal cheer. Welcome the old-time guest; thrice welcome she of hallowed memories. KATHARINE GROSJRAN, THE PERILS OF TRAVEL. Miss Gattison (calling attention to Masterson, who has been talked into a trance)— " T wonder why they don’t lower the boats?" Gu.nack —"* Why, there's no danger, is there?" Miss GaLLison —"* Man over-bored—that's all.” NO CAUSE FOR REGRET. AN IRISHMAN who was shingling a barn got too near the edge and rolled off and fell to the ground. “Oi wuz coomin’ down onyway,” he reflected. “Oi wuz jist out o' nails.” A VICTIM OF EXACT LANGUAGE. New clerk (to old clerk) —* Didn't you tell me that time went on in this estab- lishment during vacation?” Old clerk Yes.” New clerk—“ Well, they've docked me for the two weeks I was away.” Old clerk—"That's all right. I didn’t say that salaries went on, did 1?” (in Stam ford,Conn.)—"* Will with the time, sir?” ““Cert'n'ly. (Produces a clam from his vest-pocket.) It's jest three.” STRANGER —"* How can you tell by that?" Native—"'I dug him at four o'clock yesterday, an’ they begin ter change like in jest thirty-five hours.” A THIRSTY CROWD. SOLAVE they discovered yet why the waters of Lake Hopatcong have subsided so much?” “Yes; there was a prohibition camp- meeting up near the inlet.” MUSICAL PROBLEM. TO write us his very first opera The composer must write many more, For that one can be never completed Until he produces a score. on REASON ENOUGH. Mrs. Scadds —Daughter, a girl should never throw herself at a young man,” THE GORILLA ABROAD. aS A i Miss Scadds—* Why, mamma?” Tue Baron Havowrtz —"'I hef been examinin’ dot lantscabe, madame. It imbresses me vonderfully. Mrs. Scadds —" Be ‘rls _ Mrs. BeRTLEY (soho in vain has tried to get rid of him)—''1 suppose you have an almost irresistible LRT ee eogege gS ED impulse to climb the tree in the foreground, my dear baron,” usually very inaccurate in their aim.” comicbooks.com