Judge — September 26, 1891 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. W. J. Ament Brsswanp Gitar, 1. M. Guncony, Editor, TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITED STATES AND CANADA, IN ADVANCE. One copy, one year. or s2 numbers - $5.00 One copy, six months, or 26 numbers ~ 3.50 One copy. forty weeks == 18s Including the Cuxistsas Juoce, FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—Toalt for- ‘ign countries in the postal union, ‘a year, THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (JupcE BurLpINc), Cor, Fifth Ave. and 16th Street, New York. RW guarantee advertizers a American satirical paper published. The Juvce is for sale at Brentano's r circulation at cheaper rates than any other Avenue de DOpera, Paris: by the Americ Newspaper Agency at 15 King Witham street, Strand, I. Cr, London? at Saarbac Ametican Exchange, Maine, Cermanycand by ChcE- Alioth, Geneva, Stwiteertand. THE DRAMA has a fine triumph in the failure of Mrs. Joshua Mann. eee GOVERNOR HILL says labor day is necessarily a good thing because he made it. WHEN MRS. LOGAN talks about the disintegration of the Republi- can party one realizes how sad it is to be a widow. HE AERONAUT of the period has very little to look ahead to be- cause the larger portion of him has skipped the parachute. THE ADVICE of Farmer Jones to Grover Cleveland to beware of Flower and wealth is that touch of nature which makes the whole world smile. AN EXCHANGE says that on an average “ five hundred bears a year are annually killed in Maine.” ‘That number a year, but not annu- ally, we think. A BLACK WOMAN in New Jer- sey has been turning white during the last two years, and now she's dead. Is there no lesson here for the colored brother ? ONE OF OUR daily papers claims to have announced in advance the creation of the world, dds, “ were in these col- EATING PLI first given exclusively Avnt Jutta (who has not seen her nephew in ten years) —""You must DISCUSSING THE OBSOLETE. It IS NOT pleasant to hear that little scream from the blear-eyed god- dess of Louisville, “Down with the war-tariff,” because things have changed and the scream is feeble with age. The McKinley law abolishes the war-tariff; and then again, as long as the Democrats had the congress they didn't abolish anything of that kind. It might be well for the god- dess to discuss the slavery question and the probab'e landing-place of Noah's ark; but there is really nothing to be made out of talk about the war-tariff. RECOGNITION BY GOVERNMENTS. HEN THE CHILIANS affect to be indignant as to the action of this government during their recent unpleasantness they act like children. It is not wisdom to recognize any foreign power until it has established itself. To do otherwise would be to invite endless warfare, to say nothing of the policy of attending to one’s own business. The Bal- maceda government was ¢e government of Chili until the congressional party whipped it, and that party was made up of insurgents until it suc ceeded and thus won its right to recognition as a party of revolution and finally the party of the government. THE GENUINE REFORM. THE JUDGE is glad to observe the plank in the Rochester platform in behalf of “thorough, genuine civil-service reform.” That is the re- form which the JUDGE has been encouraging with its usuz wisdom and ardor several years. It turns out the men whom th: fe ple have voted out, and puts in the men whom the people have voted in. That, it begs to add, is what the ballot-box is for. It has worked well whenever and wherever tried. It brings about re- form by making investigation un- avoidable, and the books which have to be changed at more or less reg- ular intervals must be clean in or- der to avoid dishonor on the part of those having charge of them. “Thorough, genuine civil-service reform.” That is the exactly proper phrase. THE IMPENDING TROUBLE. «THE MANAGEMENT of the department,” says a Democratic newspaper of 1899, ""is distressingly bad and rapidly get- ting worse. The head of the de- partment has so fixed matters that no Democratic farmer has had a umns.” SO MUCH, so dreadfully much, has been said of the summer come up aad visit me, Henry.” HENRY (whose recollections of the old homestead involve early hours and strict puritanism)—""V'd like to exceedingly, but I'm very busy just no Aunt Jutia—"T'm sorry. Your Aunt Martha and I opened a young 0, and the term opens on the first.” Of it, I shall have a little time on my hands drop of water for five days, and the Democratic crops are almost irre- trievably ruined. We lay this partly to Deputies Jones and Smith, for that the weary public yearns along about the second. for her in her winter garments, even to the cumbersome cloak and the awkward gum shoe. THE EDITOR of the Rochester //era/d says his young men do not hunt for news with a jay-bird band; so we suppose they get their brass and music from Buffalo, which is a large town in Erie county. THE COMMISSIONERS abroad of the world’s fair have won a splen- did reputation as dinersout. It has frequently and effusively been remarked of them that they had not the slightest knowledge of cutlery. eee F ANY considerable number of persons think that J. B, Foraker would serve the people of Ohio and the United States better in the senate than John Sherman would, something of value has been abstracted from the reward of a long, strong, and honorable life. HEREDITY. ‘THE FOUNDLING adopted and educated by a rich couple who has gone to the Elmira reformatory as a thief enforces again the old proposition that you can't make a whistle of a pig’s tail. The Sux holds that the youth is a child of the devil, but we did not suppose that that gentleman produced fools as well as sinners. Though, to be sure, the ene class is necessarily the other. Will it be convenient then?" of course Chief-rainmaker Thomp- son cannot be familiar with the crops and politics of every district; but that there is a design on the part of the Republican administration to ruin the Democratic farmers of the state and country by distributing rain with, partisan favoritism there can be no doubt. When will this tyranny cease? How long will the Democratic farmers of this country lift their parched faces and cry for water with their parched tongues in vai CAMP-MEETING IDIOCY. T A RECENT camp-meeting a clergyman called out, “Cast off your corsets and stand as God made you!” The corsets were cast off and presently burned together; but the remainder of the injunction was, fortunately perhaps, unheeded. And thus an carnest exhorter has set himself to work, incidentally to the saving of souls, to reform the dress of women. Of course this is but the beginning, The religious enthusiast must discuss the dress from bonnet to shoe. He seems to think he knows all about it, and he will give directions, like all other reformers of this kind, that, superfluous’ dress is unpardonable vanity, and presently advise a single garment, a bonnet, and stout shoes, Then there may be a reform of his foolishness, and it may even be that his mother or his wife will take him across her knees and spank him. For he is a fool, even as those who burned their corsets are idiots. comicbooks.com