Judge — September 26, 1891 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CARL PRETZEL'S PHILOSOPHY. Itvas a droothful opserfation dot passion goes around borrowing a goot many false colors so dot he cood hide his deformidies. Vhen you hafe a temper dot vas silent like der dose your conshtidootion, py-laws und preambles vas in a heldy conditions. Grattitood for der goot tings gone und sadisfied for der tings dot dond come yet vas der shplainded tings dot comes a goot feller’s heart out. . Wixstow's Sorina Syrup for Children ; soothes the child, softens the gums, allays all pain, cures wind colic and diarrhoea, "25 cents a bottle. son, don’t marry a widow. She is too calculat- and loving by arithmetic is not romantic. Real love should not have any more sense than a bottle of soda-water suddenly tapped. It should sizz and fuzz jst lke there wasn't anything else on earth —Bur- fette, When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria, When she was a Child, she cried for Castoria. When she became Miss, she clung to Castoria. When she had Children, she gave them Castoria. “1 always speak of Adam as colonel.” “* Why so?” “Why, I liken him to a kernel, and hence to a kernel of com.” “Oh, rubbish! What are you trying to perpetrate? Why do you liken him to corn? Because he was gathered by the ear?” ‘Well, no; that's not the answer, though it's not half bad. ‘I Iiken him to corm, dow’t'you know, because he was shocked in the fall."—Philadelphia Press, We recognize but one God and are no man's man, and will not be a lackey for no political crossroad char- latan or tin-horn statesman in Montana, as we are not built on a truckling or brass-collar hypothesis. If there are any heavy-weights or pudding-headed political scrubs in this state who think they can intimidate or bulldoze us by scurrilous remarks or base fabrications they are bold, brilliant, blooming, meteoric and pict- uresque liars in every mark of the road,— Stinking Water (Mont.) Prospector. PACKER’S Tar Soap. “A Luxury for Shampooing.”* Medicat Standard, Chteago, “It Soothes while it Cleanses.”" Medicat and Surg. Reporter, Phila, “The Best for Baby’s Bath. Christine Terhune Herrick» THE CELEBRATED iaaipaad Beate fecaly Leading Artists, Warerooms, 149, 151, 153, 155 East 14th St. wy. SOHMER & CO. Emeaco, fits 236 State Street; Saw Francisco, Cat., Union ib Building ; ‘St. Lovis, Mo., as2a Olive Street; Kansas Gir, Mo. 111 Mala Street. HOLD your TROUSERS CENTURY~Baacé THE BEST SUSPENDER because itis ALWAYS ELASTIC. If your furnisher does not keep it, send for circular, CHESTER SUSPENDER CO., Roxaury Station, Mass. The BARKER BRAND bei LINEN COLLARS ABSOL UTELY BEST. wien BARKER, ry F’R, TROY, N. "Y. A TEST OF ECCENTRICITY. Lady (to applicant) —"* How much do you want a month?" line?” Do you use P T never use Applicant —" Never use it? Well, I'd rather not engage myself to you. I don’t like to have anything to do with eccentric people.”"—Aing's Jester. THE WINDSOR HOTEL, Fifth avenue, New York, has been newly plumbed throughout with the latest sanitary plumbing. The drinking water used is chemically pure, and the ice is made from distilled water. Thousands who are reduced in vitality and stren; and resort to drugs, are learning a better way. TI find renewed life and strength in Old Brotherhood port without any deleterious after effect. Depot, 26 Vesey street. Friendly old party —"' Vow many grandparents have you, my little man?" Lite man—* Fourteen, sir.” Friendly old party—"* Great Scott! Where do you live ? Little man—""In Chicago, sir.” P, S.—This is the old divorce joke in its autumn dress.— Rochester Herald, ‘The Sohmer Pianos are recommended to the public for their power, purity, richness and quality of tone, and are considered the most durable and reliable pianos ever made, Mother (horrified) —"" What did you let that young Snipkins kiss you for?" Daughter (meekly)—"* For only two minutes, mamma, and then I told him to stop."—Detroit Free Press. M, L. Thompson & Co., druggists, Coudersport, Pa., say Hali’s Catarrh Cure is the best and only sure cure for catarth they ever sold. Druggists sell it; 75 cents. Tt occurs to the Bradford Era philosopher as being a very good thing for man that he cannot realize his in- significance. His vanity is all that keeps him from suicide. Like the fly of which Asop tells us, he sits on the axle of the chariot in the great race of life and exclaims, ‘* Great Pluto! what a dust I am raising !" ED PINAUD’S FAMOUS QUININE HAIR TONIC. “PILLSBURY’S BEST” FLOUR. Makes More Bread Makes Whiter Bread Makes D Better Bread Than any other Flour Manufactured. FOR SALE BY ALL FIRST-CLASS GROCERS. Mogistrate— Now, then, McCarthy, no prevarica- tion, “Tell us all that passed between’ you and the defendant, McCarthy—" Brickbats, yer honor; jist brickbats." — San Francisco Bulletin HOKEN'S BITTERS since 1828 acknowledged to be by far the best and finest Stomach Bitters made, wheth- er taken pure or with wines or liquors or other cordials, Miss Calcium —" They say that Miss Footl going to marry young Cadby.” iss Wings on her salary? “How imprudent !"—Boston Post, hts is What ! 9 Extract ° BEEF. SSE Es best and most economical “Stock” for mF SUP Bt. pound equals 45 pounds of prime jean Beet Send for our book of receipts ces use OF ARMOUR'S EXTRACT in Soups and Sauces. ARMOUR & CO., Chicago. Qs $1X LITTLE TAILORS ‘We are offering a large line of silk-mixed Worsted Suitings, tan colored Cheviots and Whipcords, which seem to be in great demand for Falland Winter wear. SUITS TO ORDER, $20.00. Evening Dress Suits to order, $30.00; Silk, Serge, or Satin Lined. Full line of samples with easy self-measurement guide and tape ‘gbeasure sent by mail on application, free of charge. JACOBS BROTHERS, 229 Broadway, opp. Post-Offce, 152 and 154 Bowexy, cor. Broome Street, NEW YORK. “IMPROVEMENT THE THE aE STH PREM HE SMITH PREMIER ORDER OF THE AGE.” IER TYPEWRITER. TYPEWRITER bas been adopte} to the exclusion of all other writing machines by the ASSOCIATED PRESS of the BEATE OF NEW YORI to be used in service to take dispatches direct from the wire. THE SMITH PREMIEN TYPEWRITER has many IMPHO not found upon any other writing machine ALL TYPE. Hands. The use without soiling the \VEMENTS that LEANED in TEN SECONDS * TOOTH BRUSH ™ not required. PERMANENT ALIGNMENT. MORE DUBABLE shan any of its competitors. THE SHIFT KEY SYSTEM RELEGATED toa PAST AGE. type-writer users have been waiting for IMPROVEMENTS. R FIFTEEN YEARS THE SMITH PREMIER TYPEWRITER COMPANY, Send for Ilustrated Catalogue. Chicago,. Farnam ‘Omaha, Ne Ser Bilin Bae Nngare ots aaloy Write Lewis G. Tewksbury, Banker and Broker, 50 Broadway, N.Y, to send his circular, aga Broaderay, New York; any Chestnut, Syracuse, N. Y., U.S. A. Philadelphia, Pa.; 154 Monroe st., Denver. Col: is East Haltimore foodward ave., Detroit, Mich, comicbooks.com