Judge — September 12, 1891 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. W. J. Ancent. Baenwann Gi 1. M, Geecony, Edizor, TERMS TO SUBSCRIGERS. UNITED STATES AND CANADA, IN ADVANCE, ‘One copy, one ear. or sa numbers - $5.00 One copy, six months, or 26 numbers - 3.50 One copy. forty weeks == 1.38, Including the Cuestsas Jupcx. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIO. eign countries in the jotta ‘$6 4 year The Jupce PUBLISHING COMPANY (Jupce BUILDING), Cor. Fifth Ave. and 16th Street, New York. To all for- $B We guarantee advertisers a larger circulation at cheaper rates than any other American satirical paper published. The Juvce it for sale at Brentans's,17 Avenue del Opera, Paris: by the American Newspaper cigency ai 15 King William street, Strand, W. Cx London: at Saarbach's American Exchange @ by ChB. Alioth, Geneva, Switzerland. Cade address F UTURITY STAKE morrow. —Those that are due to-morrow and to- FARMER JONES is the only man in the world who can pass off his mustache for side and chin whiskers. ORE MEN die of idleness than of hard work, and yet there are inspectors of buildings who are in tolerable health. ET US DROP the silver question, for then we shall have more nu- merous and voluminous epis- tes from Grover Cleveland. JERRY RUSK must not pride himself too much on the rain he produces. We understand that a large part of it is mighty poor rain, OVERNOR PATTISON says that when the woman kissed him he did not return the kiss. Aba! that settles the case of Gov- Pattison, A MISTAKE of several aged gentlemen who have married actresses is the absurd belief that the ladies are wedded to their art and one husband. THREE GIRLS and a boy were born to a lady in Massachu- setts, and the girls died, Does nat- ure propose to solve a great Mas- sachusetts problem ? ernor Mr. St this stew?" Waiter —** Fifteen cents, si Mr. Seuripce —"* Oh, all right LL THE WHILE that Mitkie- wies is failing to deceive the confiding capitalists he is living like a nabob. ‘That man is a genius, and therefore he can’t be a count or any lesser or larger member of the nobility. of Rudolf and Marie, whichever of them may be true, olting beyond anything that ever occurred here, and they are rect result of the system of government which we have escaped. HE dR are re} He He would have frozen to death with h The paper must be thinking of ex-Senator Ed- PAPER says Mr. Lowell “stood out like a towering peak. never did any such thing. hands in his pockets. munds. THERE IS ROOM for Patrick Egan at home. Me represented this country solely i y the interest of Balmaceda and himself. Is it not strange that men whose stock in trade is hatred of tyranny should take the first opportunity they have to side with tyrants? ROBERT PATTISON has been favorably mentioned cratic candidate for president by more kind than the governor's. po!ltic s the Demo- ephen B. Elkins. Mr. Elkins is friends. ‘They have been stum- bling over Robert several years without suspecting that he was of more importance than an ordinary block. NTED THINGS LIDGE —"* Hold on, before I begin to eat. I was afraid you were going to charge for a double portion.” WASTED GUSH. NOTHING MORE SILLY could well be imagined than the apparent supposition that Governor Hill might have been discourteous to the president. To praise the governor for being a gentleman would seeri to be superfluous, yet some otherwise sensible newspapers appear to have thought it necessary. THE BICYCLE CURE. BOY in Greenbush took laudanum by mistake, Everything was done to save him, but his drowsiness increased. Finally his father went post-haste for a bicycle, and the boy was placed on it. “After a few hours’ work,” says the dispatch from which we get this information, “the boy improved, and was out of danger this morning. 2 VICTORY FOR THE PEOPLE. HE TRIUMPH of the insurgents in Chili is a great victory for justice, the rule of the ballot-box, and republicanism in national government. Balmaceda was a tyrant and a usurper, and had he won we should have had on this continent a ruler as despotic and unscrupulous as the czar. He had been voted down by the people, and the alternatives were revolu- tion or a monarchy with one supreme ruler. It will be a great pity if he is not hanged. OUR MR. PROCTOR. T HAD been our intention to make Redfield Proctor senator in place of Edmunds, but we observe that Governor Page bas got ahead of us. With opportunity Mr. Proctor would doubtless have been a great war secretary; but as the opportunity was postponed he had to do little or nothing to the best of his ability, and we must’ say he did it well. May he be equally happy in the chair of Mr. Edmunds, which we think is large enough for his am- ple proportions; and pending the change, which occurs in November, may there remain that sweet peace which, after all, is better than the sour glories of war. PEFFER’S DRAGON. PEFFER WANTS to “pull the teeth and close the mouth of the great red dragon of Wall street.” What's the matter with the dragon? Was there ever a country that didn't have a great money-centre? Was there ever a town that didn’t have a centre of kind? Was there ever a gath- ering of men some of whom didn’t have more money than some oth- ers? Mr. Davis's confederacy had plenty of money and no money-centre, the people's pockets being stuffed with the paper, but that confederacy is dead. Go on with your pulling if it please you, Peffer; but be careful that when the dragon's mouth is closed you are not in it. TAXATION AS A PENALTY. HE PROPOSITION of certain ladies to tax bachelors would be wise if it might be made fair, To make it fair spinsters should be taxed also, It will not be difficult for the statistician to show that the failure to marry arises from viciousness on one side as much as the other, and the taxable wealth of unmarried persons is proportionately as great among unmarried women as among unmarried men. We have yet to see, fe: instance, the spinster who is unmarried exzept from choice—we take hi own word for it; and to tax a condition as if it were a misdemeanor or a privilege is obviously as unjust in the case of one of the sexes as in that of the other. The leading ladies who advocate this tax appear to look upon marriage as a duty regardless of circumstance or situation, and de- clare with extreme confidence that there is only one side to the question. ‘That, to be brief but positive, is an insult to their sex. any man could marry happily if he would, and th marry, happily or not, if they could. In this conjun marriage a failure?” is of great importance. take up the other question. UNDERSTOOD. What do you tax for T saw there were two oysters in it, and It assumes that tall women would ion the question “Is When we settle that let us comicbooks.com