Judge — August 29, 1891 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. W. J. Anwet, Bauwwaen Giecan, J. ANN Gasoders Be TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITED STATES AND CANADA, IN ADVANCE. One copy, one year, of s2 numbers - $5.00 One copy, six months, or 26 numbers - 2.90 One copy. forty weeks === tas £ Including the Curistas Juoce. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—Te alt for- ‘ign countries in the postal union, . $60 year. THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (Juptr Buitpinc), Cor, Fifth Ave. and 36th Street, New York. EB We guarantee advertiiers a larger circulation at cheaper rates than any ether American satirical paper published. The Juvce is for sale at Brentano'n y Avenue de lO, emis por ciency atSns Ring Witiane Soret, Strand, Ie ‘ge, Mains. Germany, and by Ch is" JUDGEAR ep fs MB: BLAINE is well. It is the reporters that are doing the dying now. . . HE DISEASES* attributed to the kaiser by the Paris press are about as numerous as the rank and file of the German army. BEL the Hon. Jobn H. of New York, but that he won't. arin might be the next governor EN BUTLER denied the report of his death just in time. body touched the corpse he would have been kicked to death, HE PRESIDENT and My. Blaine are in perfect harmony. We have no doubt, in fact, that when one has hay-fever the other does the sneezing. oe THE MOSQUITOES of New Jersey s move over to New York and Brooklyn during a very hot season, having their ideas as to an out Had any- day in office, and likewise on his shirt-front. The latter was brought in from Chemung county. CALVIN 5. BRICE says that since his return from Europe he feels like a new man. he does. We trust the Democra Mx, STUMULE (reading his paper) — xot an ‘normous tin-plant. I've heard We hope for the sake of heard on this afore.” party he is. Mus, = HAD hoped to sce some denial of the story that the farmers’ alliance proposed a corner in wheat; but it seems to have been delayed until the profits are divided. SOCIETY LADY of Buffalo has run away from her husband, put pts, and joined an opera-bouffe company; but the name of her is thus far undiscovered on ti Mr. Bellew LABOUCHERE says the kaiser is anxious to govern according to his lights. Judging from the diseases accredited to him, he is more anxious to govern according to his liver. M®. HILL, through his lieutenants of the state committee, nominated his state ticket the other day, and there is little doubt that his selec- tions will be ratified by his state convention. I 1S NOT surprising to hear that General Slocum has been mentioned for president. Come to think, this is the first time General Slocum has béen mentioned for something for the last ten minutes. ‘THE MEETING,” says a contemporary, speaking of. the recent gathering of the Democratic state committee, “had nothing to conceal.” Very nice indeed; but, see here! had anything been missed ? THE AGE OF WONDERS. . STUBBLE (composedly) —" This is an awful age we are livin’ in, Uriah, an’ I ain't suprised at enythin’ R, BARNUM temporarily returns to this country, by medium, to tell how to capture wild animals. We had supposed that Phineas was officiating with the angelic hosts, but he never was much of a singer. CIRCULAR sent out from Buffalo alludes to Mr. Cleveland as “this fellow” and “this conceited, contemptible ass.” We judge that the authors of the circular have joined the New York Su in the effort to give Mr. Cleveland the next Democratic nomination for president. TO BE SURE! SENATOR QUAY says he shall vote to seat Senator-elect Brice, add- ing, “If the people of Ohio want a New-Yorker to represent them I have not the slightest objection.” That would seem to be reasonable, for we suppose the law in the case amounts to nothing whatever. And if the people of Ohio want the prince of Wales to represent them in the senate that is reasonable too. A MISFIT DISCOURSE. A CLERGYMAN in Rochester stated in a temperance sermon that Shakespeare, Byron, Scott, and many other great men were drunk- ards. Since then the sale of stimulants in Rochester has been frightfully large; and yet, odd as it may seem, no great poem or novel or essay has attended the absorptive extravagance. It would therefore seem that in- temperance doesn't create genius, as may have been supposed; but such Sermons are calculated to create the impression, if not to provoke the ex- periment. AN HONEST MAN. WE ARE told by the Zmes that orge Jones was offered five million dollars to stop the attack on the Tweed ring. ‘There is the monument to George Jones. How many men would have withstood such temptation as that? Do not call the roll now — wait till most of us have died. Very bad things are said of journalism. ‘There is a com- pliment for it that has great weight. Are there other examples? We believe there are, but five million dollars are a great deal of money. Do not offer anybody that if you can help it. In nine out of ten cases it would ruin his morals and destroy his newspaper. 1) enna! A NEW KIND OF FOOL. HE MAN who identifies hz come a part of our d y He finds the corpse of a girl who has killed herself or been murdered. nowdays.” He gazes sadly at her face and ap- é€ plies his handkerchief to his eyes. Then he tells his little story and blubbers. She was his long-lost sister. She was his wife. She was a wayward daughter. She was the only woman he ever loved. She was lots of persons whose various histories wring the heart. While he talks he weeps, and when he shuts his mouth he heaves and sobs. Suddenly it is discovered that he lies, and those who search for the motive of the lying find nothing. He is a.malingerer. He is a fraud. He is a fool, He wants to be noticed, and should be. When found he must be kicked so far out of sight that he can never find his way back to anywhere. FORGOTTEN PRESIDENTS. THE WIDOW of James K. Polk has just died, aged cighty-eight years. Her husband was a very fair president, and his administration saw stirring times; yet, save for an occasional glance at the list of presidents as furnished to the schools, he has been as unknown since his death as if he had never been born. Since his time we have had a good many great men, The civil war brought them to the front, and but for that they might have been forgotten too—they might never have achieved eminence at all. Mr. Pierce, Mr. Fillmore, Mr. Buchanan—who remembers them now? How evanescent was fame in the quiet days to which they belonged! ‘The second is recalled by the death of Mr. Polk’s widow; the first is mostly remem- bered because of his friendship for Nathaniel Hawthorne and his attack on Greytown; the last went out of office at the opening of the civil war in a state of daze and utter helplessness, and leaving no widow to refresh the grass on his grave. ow time slips by, and how transient are the glories of this world ! By gum, Maria ! if here ain't a fellow tell on growin’ exg-plants, but never comicbooks.com