Judge — June 27, 1891 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE A BALLADE OF THE SUMMER MAN. ‘VE heard cnough of the summer girl, Her cunning arts and her witching ways, The lips of cherry and teeth of pearl ‘That bards have sung of in sweet, soft lays: So here my fanciful ballad strays To him who's built on so rich a plan: To him who's worthy of all your praise— ‘The scarce, adorable summer man. He treats all grief with a finger's twirl, ‘And courage he at ail times displays ; He simply gives his mustache a curl ‘And views the world through a silver haze. He's bent on fun, and his summer days Are spent in holding a maiden’s fan Or breathing love, to his own amaze— The scarce, adorable summer man. ‘And in the midst of the tennis whirl ‘What grace and elegance he betrays! Isita wonder that I unfurt His merits here to the reader’s gaze? like to view him in every phase, And dwell as frequently as Lean Upon the theme that my fancy sways— ‘The scarce, adorable summer man. envor. Maids, look your sweetest and gather bays To crown the heads of the noble clan, And sing with me that warm-weather craze— ‘The scarce, adorable summer man. IN THE ART-GAL AUNT AMANDA—" Oh, what a purty oil paintin’ !” CLE AUNER (cautiou Don't show yer ignerance that way. Don't yer see it's a pictur’ 0’ ships? ‘hems all water-colors.” SHOWERS WHILE YOU WAIT. AN ORDER OF THE NEAR FUTURE, ~ TO THE National shower-producing company, Weken, Kentucky: Sirs — Please deliver one shower of four hours’ duration on the farms. extending throughout the county of Oneida, New York state. at your earli- est convenience. Inclosing cleven dollars ($11) for expense of chemicals, et cetera, we beg to remain, with entire satisfaction at the manner in which previous orders have been executed, Very respectfully yours, THE ONEIDA FARMERS’ ASSOCIATION. Ly order of committee. per Scriptus, secretary. THE LONG AND SHORT OF IT. Mr. Bingo (impatiently) —" Clara, | should like to know, just for curiosity’s sake, how long it has taken you to dress for the ball?” Clara (sweetly) —" Fifteen minutes, father.” Mr. Bingo —" Fifteen minutes! I'll bet a hundred I have been waiting here a good hour.” Clara —"True, dear father; but you forget that I had to undress first.” AN EVERY-DAY ILLUSTRATION. Johnson (scientific bore) —" Do you believe in unconscious cerebra- tion?” Williamson (worn out)—"Oh, yes. For instance, I don't believe you know what you are talking about right now.” BN) oo: A COMPETENT WITNESS. Miss SNowBaLt.—"' Mister Johnsing, 1 seen your wife dis aft'noon, She wuz shakin’ a table-clof on de front po'ch.” Mx. Jounsis at wuzn't a table-clof, it wuz my duster.” Miss SNownat tow did you know dat?” Mr, JonNsinc —"' 1 wuz in it A GIRL WORTH HAVING. +sMY LOV: he whispered, “you are ten times as dear to me as you were. "Dearest George !" she sweetness—or is it the M what makes me so? My nat- “BARRIERS BURNED AWAY.” Powel! — hear the manager showed rare tact in preventing a Stant- pede when the opera-house caught fire.” Howell —"Yes; he announced that a fire was raging in the wardrobe of the corps de ballst, but it would not prevent the dance’s beginning im- mediately.” THE RANGE. Mrs, Dimling —*| wish you would tell me the difference between a fiddler, a violinist and a virtuoso.” Dining —"\ will. A fiddler plays for nothing, a violinist gets five dollars for an evening's work, and a virtuoso receives fifty dollars for one piece.” PLASTIC BUT PREDISPOSED. "No; I don't think I ought to marry you. I've never known s to be in love.” “But don't you think you might learn that.after you married ‘es; but I'd want to take lessons under somebody else.” A DISCOUNT FOR QUANTITY. Mr. pt Poy (at Asbury park) —" What do you ask for your bath-houses by the hour?” Owner (sizing hit customer) —* Two for a quarter, sir.” comicbooks.c em