Judge — June 27, 1891 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. W, J. Ament. Bexxnarp Grita. LM Guecony, Editor. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITED STATES AND CANADA. IN ADVANCE. One copy, one year. or s2 numbers - $5.00 ‘One copy. six months. or 26 numoers - 2.50 One copy: for 13 weeks = == 13s Including’ the Curistaas Juvcr. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS— ‘digm countries in the post @ year. The JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (JupGE Bur.nine), Cor. Fifth Ave. and 16th St.. New York Lt for santee advertisers a larger circulation ut cheaper rates than any other American satirical paper published. MenThe Ju0Gn it for sade at Brentane's. 17 Avem feroipaper agency at rs Kine William stresty § Ainetican Exchange, dhe and by Ch Cabie address" Juv WARNER MILLER is laboring hard for heaven and the Nicaragua ship-canal. [$1T POSSIBLE that Hughey Grant looks upon the Brooklyn bridge as his especial platform? NDER the civil-service rules the convict marked “good” should be giveti a second term. oe GENERAL SCHOFIELD, who is thirty-six years older than his bride, has won a great victory. T 1S SURMISED that Wales let out the Gordon-Cumming secret, and we know that blood will tell. eee AYS THE ELEPHANT to some leading politicians of Philadel- phia, “ What's the matter with you 2” eee CONGRATULATIONS to James G. Blaine and the New York Recorder, anti long life to both of them, gee 2 SAAC P. GRAY of Indiana, if some reports are true, is believed by Governor Hill to be Isaac P. Green. a gh e: [tT IS THE PRIVILEGE of a fool to have contempt for a wise man, and as long as it pleases the fool where is the objection? eee HEY HAVE proved again that a man was some months since buried who has subsequently been known as Ray Hamilton. eee HE SETTLEMENT of the Behring-sea business is one of several achievements which send this administration into history with a blaze of glory. sane T IS TRUE, as the Evening Sun says, that it is pluck rather than muscle that captures burglars; but there would be fewer captures of burglars by women but for the innate gallantry of the gentlemen of the profession. [N IOWA the prohibitionists have a straight state ticket. As a general thing they mix their beverages and principles, always bearing in mind, however, the duty of smiting the Republican party with their destructive tooth-picks. ew SOMEBODY says the suggestion of Don Cameron as the Republican candidate for president is made in good faith. If that is the case the seaator had better get himself out of the hands of his friends with the utmost haste. e eee HE STECKLERS are organizing against Tammany hall. While that is right, it is alarming when one considers that presently there won't be offices enough to hold anybody to the great and glorious principle of office-holding. ‘THE EXPERIMENT of keeping the Metropolitan museum open on Sunday is a failure, The better people are soiled and vexed, and the number of Sunday visitors is so large that the authorities of the place are greatly fatigued. : THOROUGHLY CHARMED. Proressor Encarvo (strainedly)—"* Leggo his tail, Bill! etched sight of that cheese-sandwich I left on the table. ENGLISH SOCIETY ignores Mr. and Mrs. G. Cumming, for it is una- voidable that the prince carry the counters for the entire set. We have no news regarding the prince's friend Mrs. Langtry, but undoubt- edly her pretty nose is in the air too, coe RECE! TLY, while the kaiser was reviewing some of his troops, a bolt of lightning killed several of them. “Hah!” said his majesty with a glance of his eagle eye upward, ““a revolt against the war lord up there, is there? Very well; I'll soon put a stop to that.” eee Now THAT Sir John Macdonald is dead, we observe that there was a quaint humor about the man which is vastly pleasant to read about ; but the Canadian “boys” used to call it betrayal and prevarication. Ah, what different colors men’s acts assume when the men are dead. see COLONEL COCKERILL of the evening Advertiser says, “The day of the afternoon newspaper is at hand.” _ Of course, this is not in- tended as a reflection on Colonel Cockerill or his Morning Advertiser, for the latter is typographically a handsome journal, is successful as to its news-getting, is admirably edited, and we are glad to learn is meeting with much success. Perhaps, however, Colonel Cockerill refers to the evening newspaper's day of judgment. Though, to be sure, that is hardly possible, because the evening Advertiser has all the news, and is otherwise worthy of the largest possible encouragement. A CHANCE FOR CHARITY. PAPERS ARE in circulation in behalf of a hospital for aged and infirm murderers under sentence of death by electrocution, and have already been signed by several criminal law- yers who became millionaires in their defense. The lives of murderers un- der sentence are necessarily monoto- nous, as they have nothing to do but eat and sleep. The blessed boon of liberty is denied them, and their intel- lectual faculties are not subjected to the thought necessary to bread and butter. It is believed that bouquets and delicate fare will greatly improve their moral and physical condition, and enable them to lead that reflect- ive and pure life so necessary to a happy natural death. DON’T ABUSE ROBERT — He's CAPTURE HIM. A MEETING of Methodist ministers in Chicago reached the conclu- sion that Robert Ingersoll was a coward and likewise a boy with a bunch - of torpedoes. It is a pity that an organization of the dignity of the Chicago one should give so much time to so unimportant a person; but then tor- pedoes are always annoying to dignity when they go off. Why, however, do not the Methodists capture the colonel? If he is a coward they can easily do it, and as easily convert him afterward. That was what, to a fair extent, the confederates did during the late war. The colonel had ridden his horse outside the union lines, and was awakened from a pro- found reverie by a view of several confederate guns, cocked and apparently loaded. “Hold on!" he exclaimed with great haste and carnestness. “Don't shoot, boys—don't shoot! Hang it! I've been recognizing your blanked old confederacy for the last five minutes. PROHIBITION PROHIBITED. THE PROHIBITION PARTY has our earnest sympathy. A proposi- tion for a prohibition plank in the platform adopted at Cincinnati raised a great row, and after many angry speeches was overwhelmingly voted down. It was declared to be a mean thing and one whose only purpose was to create disturbance. ‘The convention was to a large extent a farmers’ gathering, and why should farmers advocate a questionable re- form which would take dollars out of their pockets? It would possibly be a great thing to have everybody refrain from cider and beer and the larger liquors, but this would interfere seriously with the consumption of fruits and grains, hops, and other rural productions, besides throwing out of employment hundreds of thousands of honest, hard-working men. Heretofore the prohibitionists have confined their hating to themselves and the Republican party. Now they can hate the “people's” party as well, and be as intemperate about it as they choose, without attracting any serious attention. comicbooks.com