Judge — May 16, 1891 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OUT OF SEASON. MISFORTUNE is befalling me ‘That is really quite appalling me, And in all my vast experience Is unquestionably unique. Why it should have come to me Is what I can't contrive to see; The cause thereof is legible As a manuscript in Greek— I might add, in Doric Greek. The fact is that during Lent So much of my time was spent (As was meet) in meditation On the number of my sins That a conscience evoluted And became so deeply rooted ‘That I find it still enduring As the jocund spring begins— Where's the use when spring begins? I think ornaments misplaced Show abominably poor taste. What's more trying than a caller (Or a conscience) that won't go? That gift of far Siam, (Or is it Hindoostan 2) The traditional white elephant, Could not be so much de trep ; Oh, not half so much de trop! Consciences (in reason) Are all right in their season; But who'd enjoy a snow-storm In the blossom month of May? And to have a conscience lasting When the time is by for fasting, Besides being inconvenient, Is decidedly outré ; Quite unpardonably outré, ADITH RLORR. GOOD OUT OF EVIL. “I hain't had nothin’ to eat for forty-eight hours, boss.”” Mr. Blurry —'* Well, that’s all right. Your clothes are too tight any way. If you just keep on fasting you'll get a fit by and by,” TWO RESULTS OF THE GRIP. 66 RILLY was sent up for three years for robbing the store, I see.” “Yes; he told the judge that he had just had the grip and wasn't accountable for his acts, but the judge didn’t let up on him a bit.” “The judge was hard-hearted.”* “No, it wasn’t that; he had just had an attack of the grip himself.” A PRECAUTIONARY MEASURE. Fangle (to his wife) —“ Oh, by the way, my dear, I invited the minis- ter to take dinner with us to-morrow.” Mrs. Fangle (who is familiar with her husband's language when carving) — Very well, love. I'll have the cook carve the fowls before they are brought to the table.” KISMET. WE FEEL that fate is ever ripe ‘To make one's bosom gnaw Each time we go to light a pipe And find it will not draw. FIRST IN THE FIELD. First cttizen—"1 understand that the Reverend Mr. Thumper has. had a call to fill a Kansas City pulpit.” bits Gee can Second citizen — Pshaw'! he isn't a very big preacher.” Mrs, Cowstir (cacitedly) —" What is that? What is that?” First citizen —" know it. But the Kansas City church has heard Mr. Cowsiip (absent-mindedly) —"* Only the whistle, Cows on the track.” it whispered that he is going to be tried for heresy.” THE WORST YET. $+ BRONSON lives in Phila- delphia now.” “Really? Is he embalmed ?* AN INDUCEMENT. De Sappy (bouquet in hand) —" Is Miss Palisade in?” Servant — Yes, sir; but she is indisposed. Will you leave the flowers, sir? De Sappy (Aoubtfully)— No}; I guess not.” Servant (persuasively “You'd better, sir. She may die. AFRICA’S AURORA. WHEN the earth is wrapped in gloom, Rivaling the tints of Flora, Morning paints its crimson hues— Beautiful aurora! Breaking darkest Afric’s gloom Goes the civilized explorer, Paints the dawn a lurid red— Isn't he a roarer? WHAT WE MAY EXPECT NEXT FROM THE DOG-CATCHER. | “* Say, youse, I'll have t' take dat purp in. He's been lookin’ out of der winder scarin’ der folks what passes by.” comicbooks.com