Judge — May 16, 1891 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. One copy, one year, or s2 numbers - $5.00 One copy, six months, of 26 numbers - "3-40 One copy, for 13 weeks = == 135, Including the Cuaisraas Jupar. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS— To all for cign countries 1m the postal union. 5 a years THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (June But.niNe), Cor. Fifth Ave. and 16th St, New York. EP We guarantee advertisers a larger circulation at cheaper rates than any other American satirical paper published sale at Brenta ney at 15 Kine Willia ge, Mains, Germany. THE DEATH of Moltke is another victory for France. cee WE DON’T believe Blaine will rusi on the ticket with Foraker, because Joseph Benson has lost’ his muzzle. 1.17 Avenue de LOpera, Paris, by the Am treet, Strand, W, Co London, and at Saari Cable address —" JUDGRAMK. ene HIO WILL perhaps resume in ‘ and Major McKinley is her favorite son. ‘0 MR. BLAIR — Dear sir, how we wonder what you are; all around the world you fly; - why nog settle in Shanghai? GEORGE WEST is favorably mentioned by the Mail and Express for governor. Very well; let us go West and grow up with Saratoga county. BALMACEDA, president of Chili, remarked faintly just after a bomb had burst in his room,“ Hooray! I’ feel like I was the czar of Russia.” ME. LEWIS, who has joined the staff of the New York IWorid, thinks more oddly than any other man, and every think is out of the whole cloth. 66Q)LD HUTCH™ has impoverished hun- dreds of men and raised the price of bread on millions; and they do say that it’s a poor rule that doesn’t work both ways. DOCTOR GRAVES of Providence had better call on his place of residence to save him from the singular number of his name and a recent result of his malpractice. * Porter !"" Porter —‘* Ves’ Otp Miss Fic! sure to prop:tly, SPEAKING of a woman editor, a writer says, “Whenever she lays her literary lance in rest it has a sharpened point.” Impossible — impossible! ‘The lance is a lead-penc THE RIGHT to strike cannot be questioned. It is a free country and every man is a sovereign, with the exception, we trust, that the man has no bad habits. By the same token the employer has rights too, and some of them are pretty sacred. A LOG-CABIN built by Grant will be on exhibition at the world’s fair. If-there should happen to be two of these cabins—and such cabins and things do occur—it might be well to put a barrel of hard cider in one of them and accredit the structure to the late Mr. Tippecanoe. i cee HE TARIFF DINNER recently given would still have been an American triumph if the gentlemen who discussed it had partaken with great amplitude of the wines set forth. They were strictly Amer- ican wines, and it is nothing worse than patriotism to paint the metrop- olis a red, white and blue. Two GOVERNORS refused to call on the president during the tour, declaring that it was Benjam business to call on them. We be- lieve the states they represented were Oregon and Washington. Official JUDGE MODESTY’S PRIM PERSONIFICATION. OLD Miss Fincer (in the sleeping -car)— be an accident or anything I want you to be ake me so that I'li have time to dress etiquette must and shall be maintained. If these gentlemen had governed two village hamlets they would probably have vindicated their majestic dignity by killing the chief executive. WHEN RUDINI heard the noise of the great explosion in Rome he trembled and asked, “Was that an American gunboat?” “No,” replied-Crispi; with genuine cheerfulness ; “it was nothing of moment— merely the rebound of your extraordinary courage in the several notes to Baron Fava.” “By heaven!” exclaimed Rudini, with a worried look, “the courage is sublime, but the concussion is likely to knock our own heads off.” THE UNCERTAIN SEX. FIND on investigation that a large majority of the voting women of Kansas voted in the late municipal elections for Democrats, and this notwithstanding the fact that the law permitting them to vote was the work of Republicans. This certainly destroys the old argument against woman suffrage that women would vote, if at all, with their husbands, most of the husbands of these women being Republicans; but on the other hand it shows a disregard for principle and a liking for political heresy which are astounding. We were about to write a long article on the sub- ject, but the Kansas Republicans in their anger and chagrin are doing so much talking that an outsider can’t get a word in edgeways. And on the whole that's good. They can do better justice to the mean old subject than we can. SOME SOUTHERN CRIMINALS. HE LOTTERY COMPANY of Louisiana will win in its state on the vote, just ordered by the supreme court, for a constitutional amend- ment permitting the renewal of its charter. It has the requisite funds and villainy, and it can stand the expense if it is necessary to buy every vote in its favor, But the national law prohibi ing robbery by newspaper and through the mails still stands, and if it continues to be rigidly en- forced the profits of the company will have to come mainly from the deluded people who are hired to submit to the disgrace. WHY DESPAIR? ARTHUR PUE GORDON used to be a frank, open-faced, large-hearted man; but now he goes around surreptitiously, refuses to register at hotels, and frequently dodges around corners with the haste and nervousness of a man who thinks a detective is after him. Mr. Gordon has been mentioned as a candidate for president on the Democratic ticket. While his sensitiveness is not to be wondered at, he ought to remember that he can’t be forced to take the position, that really he has sometimes behaved himself, that his record is not amazingly bad out- side of the political part of it, and that after all he is in no particular danger. Let him brace up. Let him remain at home, after the mgnner of William Steele Holman, and he won't be seri- ously disturbed. We should take these things philosophically. After all, there is some pleasure in life even for the man who has been mentioned as a candidate for president on the Democratic ticket. Now, if there should LET US REVEL IN THE PAST. PROPOSITION to abolish fast-day is seriously discussed in Massa- chusetts. The main argument in favor of the proposition is that nobody observes the day: at least that it is a feast-day rather than a fast- day, and is given up to pleasure, largely including base-ball. The absurd- ity is plain enough, but affection for old customs is not to be stamped out. That the people regretted their sins a hundred years ago is reason enough to regret them now, even if there are none to regret. There were tallow-dips a hundred years ago, and if there was festivity because of that kind of light we ought to revive tallow-dips and celebrate the revival. Church-creeds were made in response to the enlightenment of their days, and therefore we must celebrate and never change church-creeds. A cen- tury and a half since a governor of Massachusetts broke a leg, and that every year since a governor of that state hasn't broken a leg is evidence of a lack of reverence for old customs that is truly mournful. Oh, let us stick to fast-days and that kind of thing, and presently let us revive the sounding-board and the scarlet letter. comicbooks.com i