Judge — April 18, 1891 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

BIDDY'S PHOTYGRAFT. E BIDDY'S had her picter tuk at some foine place, I s'pose, An’ her mother says it's loike her, foine, ex anny jit knows ; But Oi've ben shtudyin’ av it loike, ez well ez I know how, ain't no more loike Biddy than a shtove- lid’s loike a cow. Phwy, where's her purty golden hair—her only old, povereen !— ‘That glisthers in the sunloight an’ crowns her loike a queen? , ‘An’ where's the pjnk that's loike arose upon her purty chake, An’ the shparkle in her eye 'twould make min lions fer her sat at her dad? dimple that makes her’ whole face glad? The dimple’s jist a shmudge av dirt to shpoil her purty chin, An’ the hair ain't got no sunshine an’ it’s ooglier than sin. Oi know the /aturer may be roight, but phwat is that to me? The picter-man’s a simple fule, ez annywan can see. No, no, me shwatebeart; av ye can’t affoord no betther thing Don't make yersilf a lafin’-shtock in all yer broight young shpring ; Or. av ye say the photy-man’s reshponsible, me maid, Jist shpake the wurrd an’ Oi'll go down an’ punch him in the head! YLOWENCE K. PRATT. THEY WOULDN’T MATCH. **\UJHY did rich Miss Croesus refuse the hand of young Charley Poor?” “She had an idea somehow that her greenback fortune wouldn't go very well With his auburn complexion.” MY Time |} | 1S wortn |i NO TIME LOST. Visitor (twho does not see sign) —" | have here, sir, a scheme "—— EXCUSABLE,. ‘¢THERE he is, in congress, and I don’t believe he ever read the constitution.” “You must remember the poor fellow has weak eyes.” METHOD IN OUR MADNESS. Englishman —*\t you Americans think so much of the Amer- ican idea and all that why do you flock to England so?” American—"To escape from the most offensive type of Eng- lishman.” THEN AND NOW. Sex JACK, when young and wild of whim, I could not put a check on him; Now, older grown, he is more meek, And begs me for a cheque a week. “NO CHILDREN TAKEN.” 66] AM afraid there is arsenic in these wall-papers,” said a pro- spective tenant of a flat to the agent. “There is a little, sir,” replied the agent frankly; “but not enough to injure adults. It has been calculated to affect children only, who might possibly be brought in against our rules.” JUDGE Cry ACCOMPLISHMENTS. Deacon HARDSCRABBLE—"‘An’ how's your nephew gettin’ along in college, squire ?” Squike, Oatcake—"'Purty well, 1 guess, ‘Th last time I was in taown I noticed that he could eat in French, smoke in Spanish, and drink in German. AN INTELLIGENT DEFINITION. C4 ]M[AMMA,” said little Emerson Browning of Boston, as he looked up from a newspaper, “what is the skin game which I see alluded to in this journal? “A skin game, my dear,” replied Mrs. Browni ous pastime. . “is a cutane- THE FLIGHT OF TIME. JUST when our life is free from cares It flies in such a pleasing rhyme We fain would own some fairy shears So we could clip the wings of time. REDUCTION FOR QUANTITY. Chicago woman —" How much do you charge for securing a divorce Chicago lawyer —* One hundred dollars, ma’am; or six for five hundred.” A WONDBRFUL INSTANCE. **P)O YOU believe in the power of mind over matter?” “Ido. I remember inthe battle of Gettysburg a comrade of mine had his legs shot off, and I'll be hanged if the legs didn’t run off the field as fast as they could go.” Oe Ni montis Rusy MAGNATE —"* So have 1.” Charles quit the vacatio The | keeps t gert & ASWELL AS PURIFIES Beautlfes the skin ; Aro at Warero Cmcaco Club Bu Cry, Me comicbooks.com