Judge — March 14, 1891 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A BALLADE OF EARLY SPRING. HENE'ER the gamut you run through Of fanciful and varied ills; ‘Whene'er begins to torture you The fiend of fever, sque and chills ; Whene'er you feel the need of pills To mitigate your suffering (The pain that all ambition“kills), “Tis then you know it's early spring. Whenever wives begin to sue For newest furbelows and frills; When daughters plead for bonnets new And straight contract, enormous bills: When servants fill the window-sills With plants that man would like to fling With furious force across the hills, ‘Tis thea you know it's eafly spring. When poet sings, as poets do, Of purling brooks and murmuring rills, Of bud and bloom and zephyr too, And flowers of rhetoric distills As poesy his being thrills; ‘When sentimental maidens sing Their heart-songs in most plaintive trilts, ‘Tis then you know it's early spring. “ i here: oe ADDING INSULT TO INJURY. Thr ade a oedoas ening: te abit Miser don't you know'you can be arretied for, swimmin’ And death comes near, you make your wills, ioe theres ‘And tTwex you know i's early spring. THE SELTZER INCIDENT. (6 }[A-HA-HA-HA! laughed the man from Saugerties. Whoop-la!ejaculated the man from Cohoes. “Funniest thing I ever seen,"said the man from Orange county. Canes, feet and timbrellas thumped the floor, and hands were clapped until they were blistered and swollen. ‘The audience was wild with enthusiasm and tears of joy leaped with musical plash and’gurgle down many a cheek. unused to that sort of thing, ‘The inimitable Bob ‘and the unapproachable Billy had taken the house by storm. Bob had squirted a pint of water into Billy's face out of a seltzer-bottle, Art had triumphed. It was no inspiration of the moment—it had been prearranged, studied and rehearsed with infinite patience. Young man, do’ you wish to be a successful comedian? If so, you must begin low down and work your way up. Genius you may have, but genius does not count. Patient labor and dogged, persistent application to your art is the only road to success. Not every actress can play the leading réle in “The Maniac Mother,” nor can every comedian successfully manage the seltzer joke; but there are Juliet and Viola for the former, and for the latter the sleeping policeman and the feet of the Chicago girl open up countless avenues to fame. 5 A LIGHTNING CONDUCTOR. DIDN’T FIND IT. ‘APPLICANT —‘' I'd like a position as condactor.”” . WHELP!" i Mrs. McGinnis, layi y“ 1 RNC reuicast —" Td like a postion s condatton. “y’ LP!” exclaimed Mrs. McGinnis, laying her young hopeful across her knee, SOEUR Tans Would IPRA Gane ima eect by phwut the divil pussissed ye to tear the ole man’s shamrock to paices ?” lightnin’ in Jersey a week ago an’’s alive now orter, anyhow.” “Oh, oh!" cried the writhing Mike, “1 wuz jist lookin’ fer a four-lafe clover.” M.S TOMER, VENGEANCE AT LAST. TluLKins (oho fs ome of those fiends who always announce their presence Beaver —"‘ How are you, Hulkey, old boy? I thought I should mect you by hammering you between the shoulders) —"" Wullo, old man! how are you?" * today. How is everything ?” (Stout /) comicbooks.com