Judge, 1891-02-21 · page 6 of 16
Judge — February 21, 1891 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple brief humorous sketches typical of late 19th-century American satirical magazines. **"The Kivered Bridge"** is a sentimental rural poem by an elderly farmer reminiscing about traveling through a covered bridge, where memories of courting his wife "Sary" still seem vivid fifty years later. **"Miraculous"** is a dialect joke playing on Black vernacular speech: a man claims a miracle occurred when his four chickens mysteriously became none overnight—the "miracle" being their theft, which he describes as vanishing. **"Helping the Boys Out"** describes schoolboys sneaking beer from a basement keg during class; when the teacher discovers the scheme, all the boys have already gone downstairs. The remaining items are brief one-liners: a conductor politely asking someone off railroad tracks, wordplay about a woman named "Sue" being "straight goods" and "undeviating merchandise," a weak loan request joke, and a misunderstanding at a concert about declining an invitation. These sketches represent typical Judge humor: rural nostalgia, racial stereotypes, schoolboy mischief, and puns.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE THE KIVERED BRIDGE. f Tt won't be no time skesly “The kivered bridge "ll fall. They ain't no travel on it since hey built the railroad bridge From Mecks's paster-land across “To Vother side the ldge. But, me! whilse ary plank stays firm ‘To hold a critter's hoot Tl drive my team to town beneaf ‘The kivered bridge's root. ‘The years thet uster be. I never strike the holler floor Whar mouldy mosses bide But whut bright smiles an’ rosy cheeks ‘Seems flickerin’ at my side. We're comin’ home f'om church agin, yse'f an’ Sary—ob t It ‘pears ez real e life, an’ yit Pr was fifty year ago. But, jest fer sake o” times thet’s done ‘An'—foiks | uster know, ‘The kivered bridge il ketch my trade fez long ex I'm below, Ie may be resky travelin’ thar, e An’ two male oot the way, th at memry hallers things; an" then— ‘Thar ala"t no toll to pay. BVA We, MEGLASSON. MIRACULOUS, ““Bre'er Johnsing, does yo’ b'lieve in miracles ?” “Does [ b'lieve in miracles? Suttenly I does. = Didn't I jest have one of em down at my house?” — “You? A miracle down at your house ?” “Yes, sah; dat's what I said. Dey was jes’ fouh chickens in my coop when I went to bed las’ night, an’ when I woked up dis mornin "— “Dey was eight?” “Eight? No, yo! fool man! Dey wasn’t none. Done stole." ““Humph! Woha’s de miracle?" De coop was | HELPING THE BOYS OUT. Dashaway—*Funny things happen in a school-boy’s life. At the school I used to attend one day the boys got a keg of beer and secreted it in the basement. During recitation every once in a while one of us would excuse himself and go down-stairs. Do you know that every boy in that room succeeded in getting down to that keg of beer before the teacher found out what the matter was?” Cleverton —" What did he do when he found out?” Dashaway—" We went down too.” WHAT RAILROAD POLI SS IS COMING TO, Conpuctor Wicks (of NV. Y. C. & H.R. R. RB.) Will you kindly get off the track and let us proceed? We don't want to hurt your feelings."” A CORROBORATION. + 4G UE is straight goods,” remarked Miss Bleecker. “Yes,” replied Miss Emerson of Boston; “she is undeviating merchandise.” WEAK. 46] HOPE you're well, Tom. Pray forgive me when I joked you so, And please lend me a ten.” “Oh, I can stand your jokes; but yet T own I am not well enough to stand a loan,” AT THE CONCERT. Man in the audience (to bis neighbor) —" Who is that at the piano?’ Neighbor — Ida Klein.” Inguirer (angrily) —" Well, decline if you want to, you ungracious cad!" (Surprise of questionee.) OF COURSE NOT. 5 Cumso—"An artesian well at Lexington, Kentucky, = SE oe produces three hundred and fifty thousand gallons of water ENTERPRISE THWARTED. aiday. AcENT—"* When you get it done let me give you my rates. My company will give you Faagte—» Drinking wate the lowest figures in fire insurance.” n | Fansex —" Wa-al, you can insure it ef yer want ter, but I guess it won't burn up ver Cumso—" L said the well was in Kentucky, didn't 1?" soon, We're a-diggin’ a well.” gon! comicbooks.com