Judge — February 21, 1891 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

i} FELINE AMENITIES. Cora—"'I do so adore a masquerade ball; one can be made love to and no one knows who is who.” HeR FRIEND (szveet/y)—"* Lucky for you, dear: isn’t it?” HUM OF THE COURT. HERE WAS NO SLANG about Colonel Washington. But he always got there with a horse and wagon. THIS DAY 1 will win or Molly Stark and several other ladies will be hopelessly widowed.—G. 1”. ‘THERE WERE times when Mr. Washington might have compromised with the enemy; but there was no Senator Ingalls about him. T WAS NOT necessary for G. W. to tell a le. All his friends were anxious to do it for him, and the historians have followed their example. A SURPRISE FOR BOTH. LaDy Bartiotomnw (az she finds the butler taking a surreptitious nip of the twenty-five-year-old sherry) — ger. Lam surprised ‘THE BUTLER —"'So be I, me leddy !" is unmistakable evidence of originality but we should think the James Dandie would die even if their readers survived. ‘THE FIRST PRESIDENT vever had any harsh words with his Martha. She was a widow when he got acquainted with her. “The truth is," he said in a confidential mood to Lafayette one day, “she generally commences first, and when she gets through it is time to go to sleep.” ‘ASHINGTON was a great lover of base-ball. “I do not play it myself,” he once remarked, “for the reason that I haven't a suffi- ciently large mouth to catch the ball in, and again I want to preserve the cleanliness of my knee-breeches; but I have always admired the vigorous exercising that other people have to do.” B FRANKLIN was accredited with a few children upon whom he did * not confer his name. It may have been a matter of economy in nomenclature, but it was reprehensible nevertheless. There have been charges against Washington to the same effect; but George never had an unscrupulous and a superior enemy to whom he did not show his heels or prove an alibi. ¢¢ ET THE BAND play * The star-spangled banne Washington at the battle of Chapultepec. Harrigan of his staff, “it hasn't been invinted yit. the brigadier wearily e thought deeply and am absent-minded. Tell Tecumseh my compliments, to order up ‘Marching through Georgia.’ ” * said Brigadier “Sire,” said Corporal THE ADVERTISEMENT, TEETH.—Warranted to fit Sent to any address C. 0. D. for 3s. Dr. North, Dentist, New York City. Farmer Joun Pitnuir— Til buy ‘em an’ surprise some- THE SURPRISE. “Waal, I'll be sniggered !” UR GEORGE dressed him- seif sumptuously in English goods, and aped English ways to the extent of four white horses and two footmen, with occasion- a few outriders ; but he was a free-trader for style only, and when it came to protection he supported that great principle with seven years of excessive toil and fighting, and a few hang- ings that were never excelled for celerity and absence of the priv- ilege of appea. HE MAN who was first, ete., was invariably firm, On wedding night he said, “You will arise, my dear, and see that the servants are at work at early candlelight.” “Si marked Martha, “I sha'n't do it!” ‘The man paused for a mo- ment and then said in a voice of thunder, “It must be done !” “1 shall not do it, so there!” exclaimed Mrs. Washington. “Very well,” said the man, pass- ing his hand wearily across his brow and turning deathly pale. “As I have said, it must be done! If you won't do it, by the eternal! I'll do it myself.” comicbooks.com