Judge — December 20, 1890 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

arNerert - ON THE STAGE, RICHARD THE LION- HEARTED —"' Thus perish all enemies of our gr-r-r-racious sovereign! Cowards and Peterson. poltroons henceforth beware!" INFANTILE LOGIC. “4 ]V[AMMA. if we can’t go to heaven now, can we move to Philadelphia?” Why, child! what put that notion into your head ? “My book here says ‘ Philadelphia is noted for its cleanliness,’ and in another place it says ‘ Cleanliness is next to godliness SOMETHING. TAKEN, BUT MUCH LEFT. He— | hope you won't be offended, but I took the liberty of making an engagement for you with Mr. Catesby. She—* That's all right; just so you didn’t take the liberty of my de- clining to fill it. : A PREDESTINED PESSIMIST. Miss Battersley (complaining spinster) —“I will be obliged to go there soon; what sort of a country is it—wretched, 1 suppose ?” Mr. Patterson—" Why, it’s a land flowing with milk and hone Miss Battersley—" Wow dreadfully bad the flies must be there ! WANTED TO HAVE IT RIGHT. Seedy actor —“You stated in your paper yesterday that the great tragedian, Mr. Sock-Buskin, had just returned from a successful star- ring tour.” Editor "Yes, 1 believe we did. Was there anything wrong about it?” Seedy actor— Yes} and 1 wish you'd correct it. The word ‘star- ring’ should have been ‘starving.’ BURNING LOVE. OVE is a devouring flame, Says the truthful poet, Voth in fact as well as name, And all lovers know it: ‘Consuming brain and heart and health, And what a hole it burns in wealth ! NOT TO BE DOWNED. F:dith (aged ten) — My grand- father was an English lord, and mamma says I'm not to play with yo Carrie (aged six, very indig- nant) —“I'll let you know I've got blue blood in my veins too, My grandfather was one of the pil- grims that came to this country in the ship Sunflower, and. landed on Plimpton rock THAT TOREADOR HAT. Mr. Jacobson, the pawnbroker, en- courages his daughter to wear’ the ‘oreador hat because it advertises der biznes.” Tue catiFe puKE oF DaNKmt If you bear down on my necl Tl break up your face so’s your friends won't know yer!” THE CANDIDATE’S EFFORT. ‘THE club will please come to order.” This remark was made by the president of the Ananias club, and his suggestion was immediately heeded. : After some routine business was disposed of the presiding officer asked : “Are there any candidates for admission to this club?” “There is one,” replied the chairman of the membership com- mittee, rising and: standing before the president's dais. “The chairman of the member- ship committee will announce the candidate's name. “His name is Edward Everett Dusenberry.” “Has his social standing been minutely inquired into?” “With what result?” “His respectability has been thoroughly established.” fee, as_required by our rules?” IN THE WING v —"* Look'r here, again like that Has he.paid the application “He has.” “All applicants for admission to the Ananias club are required to bring forth fruits meet for admission, in the narration of some mendacious story sufficient to convince the members of the worthiness of the one who seeks fellowship. Has the seeker satisfied the committee on this point?” “He has. “The chairman of the membership committee will place the candi- date’s effort before the club and the members will vote upon his admission immediately thereafter.” “Mr. President and members of the Ananias club, the candidate for admission to the fellowship and privileges of this club respectfully offers the following : ‘In rendering its bill for the last quarter the gas company made a mistake of three dollars in my favor.’ The chairman of the membership committee sat down amid enthusi- astic applause. Edward Everett Dusenberry was elected a member by acclamation. Sane: COUNTRY COMFORTS. | FARMER GIFFINS—"* Ain't your face changed some sence last night? 2 don't remember that ‘ere ees r TRANSIENT GUEST—"* My friend, I've just washed. That's an icicle.” comicbooks.com