Judge — December 13, 1890 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

UMBRELLAS AND HUMAN NATURE. HE WAS a ruddy old man of much out-door experience. He remarked to the small boy who brought him an umbrella to mend, I have my shop out-doors on ac- count of my lungs; likewise I can move without notifying the landlord. * Umbrellas and human natur’ is very 54 curi’s. They are the only thing in England that never goes out of fashion—they last through several treigns.’” The small boy looked astonished, and he went on. “They are like discouraged men; you can’t keep ‘em up after the snap is gone. They are like friends, forgotten in sunny weather and looked after in storms, When you look around on these fragments you will see that a repaired umbrella is like a speculator—built up on the misfortunes of others ; likewise sug- gestive of divorce bekase if anything happens it is so easy to get another rib; and the reason umbrellas is so high in the fall of the year is bekase everybody puts ‘em up in wet weather. This umbrella on which I have been laborin’ is now like William Waldorf Astor.” “Why so?” asked the small boy. “ Bekase it is pretty well fixed,” said he of the solder- ing-iron, “Anything else?” asked the small boy superciliously. Yes; fifteen cents; and warm it. So long, sonny. Johnson —" 1 w: put my foot in it.” LaDy pk. Prisrosr. —"* What do you think of the new duchess?” Mrs, Normanny—'*Oh, she’s a perfect pho- nograph !” Lapy pe Primrosk—"'I don’t understand, What do you mean?” Mxs, NorMANby —* Well, you see, she speaks without thinkin, HE NEEDED SALVATION. 66P)O YOU wish to be saved?” was asked of a young man at a prayer-meetin “Ido indeed, sir. I live in Utica, SAW THE ERROR OF HIS WAY. Brother Black tuh you, deacon.” Deacon Dark —* Wha’ dat, Bret Black?” Brother Black —" \d was dis away. Ise made up my min’ tuh rob Mistah Brown's melon - patch, but las’ night a apparition ‘peared tuh me, an’ by de grace ob de Lawd Ise spared dat sin, an’ sce de error ob my wa} Deacon Dark (uneasily) —" Whad was de ap- parition, Brer BI : ther Black—* Why, 1 seed you a-comin’ out de patch wid two big bags, an’ I knowed shore ‘nuff id was all up wif dis coon.” —I'se got a ‘fession tuh make SHE WORE THE Baggs —" | hear young Who was best man, do you ys —" Mrs. Sappyhedde, I suppose. I know appyhedde is married. now?” UnresistiNG Pa: Snaprsiior Dic Passe: and I've com We JUDGE the captains on the boats that there is a fog on the wiver. if you have any cold chicken up at the house I will wait for you to bring it down. Don't wait to Johnson —"V've been sued for breach of promise of marriage by a deaf-and-dumb girl, and I want to put in a general denial.” Lawyer —"Did you ever propose marriage to her?” Joknson—*Well, she insists that I did, in the Lawyer —* What were you doing when she claims talking to her about the weather, and in the midst of it I put my thumb out of joint, and before I could put it in again I may have made some signs that I didn’t intend, and Mr, Einstein (to little Jacob, whose mother has sent to borrow a few grains wkoob! Yawkoob! mein leedle vrent, don’d forgot to bring dot gapzules pac }) one ; ex —"* You divided the plunder among your friends, I see.” 1, what of it? Nothing, excepting that the ten thousand was left to you by your uncle’s will, ‘way out here from Boston to hand it over to you.” id (Z a AN EXPLANATION, Simptey —** What —aw— do they wing the bell for?" Sorrey—‘'I ain’t pawsitive, me deah fel.; but I think it's to tell A PECULIAR SUIT. n-language, but I didn’t.” you were making an offer of marriage?” A FRUGAL MIND. f quinine) AFTER THE ROBBERY. comicbooks.com