Judge, 1890-12-06 · page 21 of 52
Judge — December 6, 1890 — page 21: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several brief satirical pieces typical of Judge magazine's humor: **"A Race on the Road"**: A romantic poem with accompanying illustration about a woman and man racing their horses. She's focused on winning but actually captures his heart—satirizing the contradiction between women's stated competitive ambitions and their romantic interests. **"Well Qualified"**: A clergyman asks a wealthy man ("Mr. Downy") to play Santa Claus, praising his "thorough pop-corn-and-candy-air"—mocking how superficial materialism was associated with Christmas celebration and wealth. **"Eschewed"**: A Vassar girl explains she doesn't receive gum as a gift because "where I live gum is eschewed"—likely satirizing both upper-class affectation and the pretentiousness of college women. **"Defining His Avocation"**: Two working-class Irish characters (indicated by dialect) discuss business; one claims to be a "middle-man in th' produce trade"—appearing to mock vague or dubious employment claims. The page reflects Judge's typical blend of social satire targeting class differences, gender roles, and consumer culture.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
With friendly face Ie watched her pace, And almost seemed to say: “Tf you have fear, Or wish it, dear, T'll turn the other way CHRISTMAS Bat on they went Both gaily bent To reach the limit laid By toll-bar gate — While laughing fate Her own sly reckoning made, Lif, With MRS. MULHOOLEY’S SCHEME. WELL QUALIFIED. Rector —1 have been thinking about some one to act as Santa Claus, Mr. Downy, ave finally decided to ask you to help us out.” Downy —"\ suppose I ought to feel flattered, Mr. Thumper, but why, may I ask, and I have you selected me?” about you.” another after the Christmas time. Rector —* Well, Mr. Downy, you have such a thorough pop-corn-and-candy-air ESCHEWED. , 64 DIDN'T you get your usual present of a box of gus. wheres. * asked one Vassar girl of wor—rkin’ ?” “No,” she replied, “ down where I live gum is eschewed.” CHRISTMAS PUNCH —A boxing match on the 25th of December. DEFINING HIS AVOCATION. Bunp Fercus—'‘Oi'd know th’ shmell ay that pipe any- Is it you, McCracken 2” “Tis.” —"It's glad Oi am t’ run acrost yez. Are yez McCracken —“* Oi'm in business.” McCracken —''No; Oi'm a middle-man in th’ phroduce thrade.” 19 A RACE ON THE ROAD, HE LOOKED askance. Was it by chance He made the distance less Their teams between, Or did he mean To try a race with Jess? Yes—yes. ‘Twas plain ! She grasped her rein And sat erect, and trim ; Her eyes, of course, Were on his horse — She never glanced at Jim. And yet she knew His eyes were blue, His cheek a healthful red, And red his lip — She took the whip, “We'll show him, Jess,” she said. His close-cropped hair, His shoulders square (She saw them all), his teeth That in a smile Flashed white, the while His long moustache beneath, With sinews strained At last they gained The goal—a length apart, And, as to space She'd won the race, But he — had won her heart ! MADELINE 5, BRIDGES. IN HARD LUCK. THIRTY-SEVEN young ladies of the congregation had in mind 37 pairs of slippers for the minister for Christmas. But one young lady made known her intention. And when the day arrived young Mr. Thumper received one pair of slippers and thirty-six dressing-gowns. Conthractin’ | comicbooks.com