Judge — October 18, 1890 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

20 HUM OF THE COURT. ‘HE EX-HUSBAND of a popular actress appears to be on the ragged Edgerly of despair. THE STATEMENT that the divided skirt is going out creates sur- prise in view of the fact that nobody knew it had come in. EVERAL CONGRESSMEN with nothing to do are lamenting now that the late house didn’t get up a bill for the protection of prize- fighting. T IS CURIOUS, but there are agnostics who claim, simply because they know nothing, that they must necessarily know more than any- body else. LLONGFELLOW was so innocent that he didn’t know he wrote inde- cently, and the Brooklyn school trustee is so guilty that he can't help finding out that he did. HEY SAY that the young kaiser talks politics so persistently that he has come to be a great bore; but the infliction can be borne as long as he doesn’t shoot politics. NEW-YORKER has to pay a lawyer two hundred and fifty dollars for calling the lawyer a liar. The price of truth is high, but it's a pardonable luxury occasionally. DOG in Willimantic, Conn., mugwumped himself to death because his master had rebuked him. He did it by butting himself against a stone wall until he broke his neck. YING is bad enough; but when the Buffalo xpress says a man addicted to that sin will presently sleep with Ananias and Sapphira it seems to us it is guilty of immorality. N GATE ING autumn leaves, according to an authority, take the five-leaved ivy because that is innocuous, but leave the three-leaved ivy to its desuetude because that’s poisonous. COLONEL SHEPARD wants it understood that if any Presbyterian clergyman refuses to preach hell he'll apply a portion of the same to the base pretender without the slightest delay. THE DISCOMFITURE OF A COLLECTOR. AUNT Saraitt—"T'll be with you in a moment, girls. I want to gather a little bit of this lichen to put around the edge of my herbarium.” Roasinc Pravopy —'* You gimme ten dollars ‘r put that fur back where you got it, See?” forum senwee If OARD. 17 BEFORE THE CIVIL-SERVICE BOARD. Examiner Fatzprrrick —"' Were you ever on the police?” APPLICANT—"I didn't think you'd ask that question ; but if I've got to answer it, I did sit on Roundsman Kelly's neck a spell durin’ th’ riot at McAleenan’s last week. See?" SEVEN OFFICERS of the Chicago world’s fair get ten thousand dol- lars apiece, and they say the specimens of champagne already sent in are sparkling and bright to an extraordinary degree. THE YOUNGEST DAUGHTER of Brigham Young will lecture on Mormonism in England.. The fact that she believes in Mormonism is evidence enough of its villainy in the case of its chief representative. S¢\YOMEN MAKE the best gardeners,” boldly declares the Woman's Penny Paper of London. The testi- mony 1s not disinterested, but we are prepared to receive it with the single proviso that men do all the work. F FRANCES WILLARD hadn't been such a pronounced prohibitionist she might have had a husband long ere this, not to say a divorce and a few scandals. She is a very stubborn woman, and at times even insists that she is happy. E TRUST E. Abbott will not, as she threatens, put herself in tights. Let her preserve her morality, her delicacy, and her self-respect. Let her—h'm!—give the tights to the younger and prettier members of her company. EATRICE, wife of Battenberg, has just completed an elaborate needle-work prayer-carpet, and the queen is said to be wroth because Henry inquired one day, in a great state of curiosity, what particular part of the wall she was going to hang it on. ‘THE SIMPLE FACT is,” says Rose Coghlan, speaking of her husband, “I got tired of living with him and went west.” We believe she was married two years, and F. Davenport says she must have been not only tired but com- pletely exhausted with the monotony. “THE BOY who is told not to take his father's gun from its hooks over the fire-place is shooting himself and various others with great persistency. Some day, perhaps, the papa will know enough to destroy the gun, or, failing in that, will bury it nine feet under ground and forget the locality of its sepulchre. MBS. CLAUS SPRECKELS led the fashion at Elberon last summer, and whenever she led in private conversa- tion with her husband that gentleman frequently used the trade remark, “Boil it down, my dear—boil it down.” Mr. Spreckels is not in fashion very much himself, but he is thoroughly familiar with the sugar necessary to make it a success. + A FELLOW can’t do anything wrong when his mother trusts him so,” recently remarked a Philadelphia boy ; and therein he uttered an unconscious protest against nag- ging and watching and being suspicious that a good many mothers ought to think about. Put the boy on his honor and he will vindicate the trust if there is a spark of honor in him, If there isn’t it can’t be spanked into him with a shingle. comicbooks.com