Judge, 1890-08-02 · page 7 of 20
Judge — August 2, 1890 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page collects miscellaneous satirical items typical of Judge's format. Key pieces include: **"The Ballad of Rain and Shine"**: A romantic poem contrasting practical concerns (mackintosh raincoats, umbrellas) with romantic attraction to a woman's parasol—satirizing how love overrides practicality. **"His One Fault"**: A joke about a pedantic man who constantly quotes French and Latin, poking fun at pretentious intellectuals. **"At Asbury Park"**: Social satire mocking women's bathing fashions, specifically criticism of a woman's modest new suit (with sleeves and high neckline) as excessive modesty designed to attract attention—absurdist humor about fashion contradictions. **"The Fashion"**: Mocks declining gentility, using poor boarding-house food as evidence society has become "tough." **"Dies Happy"**: Dark humor about an execution (Kemmler reference suggests William Kemmler, first electric chair execution, 1890), juxtaposed with an Elmira man's comment that a boy who killed his father "ought to be spanked"—grim commentary on disproportionate punishment. The page exemplifies Judge's satirical style: social observation, wordplay, and dark humor targeting manners, fashion, and contemporary issues.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE THE BALLAD OF RAIN AND SHINE. ade of a double refrain.) roads are heavy and paths are rough, And the sea comes in with a surly swell: When the starch is out of collar and cuff, There is room for a mackintosh and umbrell ; But whenever the open shutters tell Of a cerain maiden who waits my call, € sun is glinting on ripple and shell, ‘Then hey {for her ribboned parasol! When money is short and the pater 's And ‘tis pleasant to linger on a spell, One may pull thro’ and have enough, If he need only mackintosh and umbrell ; But summer laughs when a rose is to sell— "Tis only a trifle—a yacht or a ball ‘And gay is the season's piquant belle Still, hey !—for her saucy parasol When the maid adored gives « mild rebufl, ‘And proffered love isa beast to quel And the heart once tender is growing t ‘Then rain!—and a mackintosh and umbrel Bat when she whispers at parting, " Well, “Twas a lovely summer, after all" When a blush and a sigh the secret teli Then hey !—for her shady parasol! What matters the rain or the ocean swell To 4 good stout mackintosh and umbrell? The sun will shine where the rain-trops fall, And your covering be her parasol ! LInny ADAMS TURNEK, HIS ONE FAULT. an awfully nice fellow and a good friend of mine, but he has one grievous fault—he is always quoting French and Latin and all the other languages. “And doesn’t know one I suppose . s just it; he does know them and 1 don’t.” BUT SHE DID NOT MOVE. HY, Jobnny, what do you mean by offering a cent to the old horse?" “Why. papa, I heard you say-that money made the mare go.” HE WAS IN IT. acher (holding up a palm-leaf to try to get scholar to use “fan” as a verb) —" What do people do with this? Observing pupil —" Put patent-medicine ads on it.” AT ASBURY PARK. $6] JUST saw Noona Dashitte’s new bathing-suit, and it's perfectly dreadful.” Don’t see how it could be any more dreadful than her last year’s one. “Oh, but this is way below her knees, with high neck and long sleeves.” “Oh, the horrid thing! She'll go to any lengths to attract attention. FIisterman (up af all headin’ fer Europe.” 269 THE FASHION, S¢THE age of gentility is past. nowadays to be tough.” “What do you base your opinion on?” “The beel we get at Mrs, Hendricks's boarding-house.” It seems to be the fashion NOMENCLATURE, seyRy do you call old maids ‘spinsters'?” asked Foster. “T don’t.” replied Talbot; “1 call them ‘chestnuts.’ ” i WORDS OF CHEER. Earsesty Canon (who has received a piano for committing the psalms to memory 's dreadful wearin’, pop.” Hex rarier—" Don't git discouraged, Earny. Keep on a. hammerin’, an’ * Yankee Doodle’ 's bound t' come out. She's in thar.” DIES HAPPY. words of Kemmler—" You press the button, I take a OUGHT TO BE PUNISHED. First Elmira man —* There's a. sixteen here who has just shot and killed his father. Second Elmira man (excitedly) —" The young scamp! ought to be spanked !” ear-ald boy up He . EXPLAINED, ‘THe cieis—"* comicbooks.com