Judge — July 19, 1890 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

242 CARL PRETZELS PHILOSOPHY. Der gelt dot does der most goot vas der pennies dot vas shlowfully earned. Been chenerous und you would been just—on der front shtoop of der poor houses. Nefer don‘d put on some schollobs mit wings dot you got by dookin’ der dekree of mendicantism. ‘Adwice is more worth as oxamble. Dots besser you dook adwice und gif der oxamble to der fellow dot could use dot. Vhen der air vas all full mit der shmell of a flannel shird, dhen beace und blendy would dooken der blace of boverdy und vant. No feller, dhen, would shtarf for a loat of wood. “It’s enough to kind of sour a man on human nat- ure,” said the tramp, “*when you stop to consider how often you're called lazy because you won't do a seventy- int job at sawin’ wood for a fifteen-cent break- ston Post, The reverend Sourgrapes—"* Don't you think that titles of doctor of divinity are getting to be altogether too common nowadays to be of any value?" The reverend Lite Yes, they are getting to be mere pair o° D's."—Burlington Free Press. Charley Rivers—"And so you will be eight next week, Flossie! Why, you are getting to be quite an old lady.” Flossie —* Yes, I'm getting old much faster than Sister May is. She has been twenty-three ever since I can remember."—Munsey's Weekly. “Look here, Mary! didn’t that young man kiss you while you two were standing in the hall just before he left?" asked the old lady looking over her spectacles at the blushing vision of sweetness she had been more or less responsible for during the past eighteen years, ‘I cannot ‘tell'a lie, mamma. But it'was ofly once.” “Only once? Lord, how different the young men are nowadays to what they were when I was a girl !"— Terre Haute Express. Prosecuting attorney —" Gentlemen of the jury, look at the prisoner. See his wandering eye, note his ‘nerv- ous movements, his cringing look, his hang-dog ex. pression, Do you not see before you a man so full of guilt that he has for years been in hourly fear that the dread blow would come?” Prisoner —"* Please, sit; 1 got that way living in a flat and trying not to offend the janitor.” The jury (without leaving the box)—"* Not » York Weekly. “WORTH A GUINEA A BOX.” 80LD ALL OVER THE WORLD, SHOVAVGH XOIS HOI TAO Tans THE GREAT ENGLISH REMEDY. BEECHAW’S PILLS. THIS WONDERFUL MEDICINE For Bilious and Nervous Disorders is the most marvelous antidote yet discovered. It is the pre- mier specitie for Weak Stomach, Sick Head- ache, Impaired Digestion, Constipation, Disordered Liver, etc; and is’found efficacious and remedial by FEMALE SUFFERERS. Long pre-eminent for their health-restoring and life-giving prop- entices, BEE CHAM'S PILLS havean unprecedented de- mand’and the largest sale of any patent medicine in the world. . 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Those who are considering a vacation during the coming ‘Summer will find much information of interest in the new pub- lications of the Passenger Department of the New York Central & Hudson River Railroad, entitled “Health and Pleasure on Ameri- ca’s Greatest Railroad,” —axp— “Summer Homes on the Harlem.” Copies of ether will be, mailed to any address on recent of Fourteen Cents postage, by the General Passenger Agent. ‘Address M.C. MOACIL, Gen'l East. Passenger Agent, 13 Broadway, New York. | GEORGE H, DANIELS, General Bassenmer Aicent, EJ. HICHARDS. Aes Gen Pasenger Agent. GRAND CENTRAL STATION, NEW YORK, RSTANLESHRE 15813. OUR SEST MAKE UGCY .=. Style, Finish, and Durability unexcell d. THE JAMES GOOLD CO., BUILDERS OF FINE CARRIAGES AND SLEIGHS, ALBANY, N, ¥. comicbooks.com