Judge — June 28, 1890 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE IN FLY-TIME. HERE are fiends of many kinds who unbidden on us call, And make our a burden with their persecutions small ; Rut most of all in fly-time is my patience sorely tried By the fiend who stands serenely with the screen-door open wide. Though ubiquitous the others and wearing many forms, tealing on you unawares like the fiercest dog-day storms ; y are nothing, you will find, when they're rated close beside ‘That fiend who stands in fly-time with the screen-door open wide inventors, help me! make an automatic door That will open stay five seconds and not one second more. The speed of lazy gossips how it would accelerate ! And the stupid bore I think would prefer outside to wait. Oh, the scrambling there would be to get through that open door! ‘And feet would dance a breakdown that had never danced before ; But no more we'd suffer tortures when the summer ‘s at high-tide From the fiend who stands serenely-with the screen-door open wide. CLARA J. DENTON. «June, 189 MAMMA DEAR —It is just too mean for anything! The dear, sweet teacher who always examines us in ism, and Plutonic selections, and characters from Hipson's dramas, and all those lovely taken sick the last moment, and a horrid old thing with two pairs of spectacles and “execu- tive ability" (such an unladylike quality) by the ton was sent for from the Young Women's Practical Home school to come and examine us. She pretended she couldn't find the exam. papers Madame Dremieyes had prepared for us, so she was told to get up some questions of her own. I'll just give you a few samples with my answers to show what a mean spite she had against our class. She thought she'd make us fail by taking things out of our line, and it's just because our seminary has lots prettier and more ladylike girls than hers (the horrid things actually wear aprons!). She glared at me especially, for I've got the handsomest hands in the school (they all say), and I suppose she thought I couldn't answer one, because I've given all my time to those sweet isms lately, and knew every answer to what dear old madame was going to ask us off by heart. But I just wouldn't please old Miss Pottsanpanns, and | answered every single one of her pokey old ques- DESIGN FOR A SUNSHADE tions. I just remembered how you were sick a whole week when I's thirteen years old, and how papa patted me — UTILIZING THOSE SHOUL- on the head and smiled when you got around again and said he couldn't have done any better himself, and that’s DER PUF ‘a great deal for papa to say, you know. You remember how I did everything except the cooking and dish- washing and a few little things like that, that Biddy and Nora did. I tell you my experience came in fine, and I bet Mamma Specs was astonished at my answers. Here's her old questions : “What would you do first to broil a beefsteak?" Put it in the oven in a dripping-pan, of course!" “ How long ought potatoes to boil?" “From three to ten minutes, according to whether you want ‘em soft or hard.” “How would you clean the silver?” “With bath-brick or ashes and soft soap” (this did make me awhil tired). “What would you do in case the cook burned herself with stezm?" “Carefully peel off the skin and cover the burn with red pepper and court-plaster” (you gave me an “Emergency Book" full of such things, you know). “How would you start to make bread?” “Wouldn't ever start; it's cheap enough at the baker's ‘round the corner.” (Old-fashioned thing! As if anybody that was anybody made bread nowadays!) So they went on, mamma dear, just too simple for any use. I handed her my, paper first of all, with my nose in the air, and I guess when she reads it, and sees my elegant satin and mousseline de sote dress, and hears my essay on the “Limitlessness of the psychic ego,” she'll be ashamed of the way she’s acted, Good-bye. ARISTINE ANDERSON, THE REWARD OF VIRTUE, Visitor —*\ understand that you are going to stop publishing the Sun- day edition of your paper on purely reli Clerk "Nes, sit; we are.” Visitor —*Can | see the editor or the business manager a moment? Clerk —" No, they have just stepped out to get measured for halos.” A COOL COSTUME. Mrs, Gazzam —" George, | really must have some money for a new dress.’ A SCARCITY OF TELTS. jazsam —" Dresses are all going out of style.” sid (0a anes tounsey\ =e Dae Re oa . Gassam —" What on earth do you mean jas TIGGER ee DIV UC RAS Raed Thee dou techie Woe Taares jazsam—" Well, 1 read in a fashion article that ‘nothing but coral aither wor lyin’ or ilse somewan has shkinned it befoor u: ornaments will be worn this season,’” comicbooks.com