Judge — June 7, 1890 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE EXASPERATION. [x TIMID love 1 wooed with zeal and fire Her family; sought favor with her sire By gifts of books galore and walking-sticks And silver match-safes ; till I did perspire Discussed the daily news and polities. In trembling love I sent her mother flowers At vast expense ; exerted all my powers ; Carried her packages and held her shawl And talked about dyspepsia. Hours on hours Played checkers with her brother, young and small Walked with her uncle ; took Her aunt to driv ents to the cook, ‘The gardener. And 'n the weak’ning strain Knew, with the shrinkage of my pocket-book, A loss of flesh and reeling of the brain. And_ wearisome. ale pres: What mingling, then, of happiness and ire, Of bliss and rage, when my throbbing desire I panted forth—and she with downcast smile Murmured, with tender color mounting “Ves, dearest, yes! I've liked you all the while.” EASILY ACCOUNTED FOR. JONES and his wife we “1 say wanderin pong the c: th has that in a menagerie, Jones, dear, what on e: naconda tied himself tip involved knot for?” t say, to remember. darling, unless there’s something on his mind that he wants THE SERVANT-GIRL QUESTION. THE “want” advertisement of the past: WANTED—A competent girl to do general housework in family of five. The “want” to read: advertisement of the present as the servants think it ought WANTED —A family of five who are willing to work wish to enter the service of a young woman of refinement and education, with the object of ing a comfortable and pleasant home for her. ‘The family desire to have one evening in the week set aside for them to enable them to go out or receive calls, but this is not insisted on. ‘The young lady may t cation, Full access given to the wardrobe of the family. Any young woman VAIN REGRETS. king at mechanical toys)—"' Phwat's th’ price av thot one?” SALESMAN —"' Thirty-five dollars. It bleats and walk: Mrs. DUGAN (hissing at her husband)—"Av we'd only knowed this phlace, we wouldn’a sould ould Nanny an’ her two kids fer foor dollars phin we lift Har-r- Jem fer th’ wist side. Mrs. Du Ga! NO DOUBT OF IT. ‘A SCHOOL-EXAMINATION on mineralogy. Where are diamonds foufd in the greatest. abundance?” At the pawnbroke IN A DOCTOR’S ADVERTISEMENT ? nively, my portrait is in the newspapers.”* ase have you been cured of?” SOMETIMES IT IS LATE. tor (looking at his press yet! atch) What is the matter?” Foreman—*The nihilists’ daily threat to the czar hasn't come in yet.” “The paper not gone to POLITENESS RESENTED. Mr. Rurus (of Twenty. beck, but it’s drefful muddy down ‘fore yo" steps acrost.” seventh street)—"* Pahdon me, Miss Wal Jess let me put dis yer piece ob plank Miss WaLneck—"* Luff ‘lone ob dat foot 'r I'll holler!” lessons on the piano, call the head of the house by his surname, invite her friends to any family meal, and in general have the decisive voice in: family councils. Free tickets to the best shows furnished on appli- desiring such an alliance will please address J. G. OFFHISBASE, General delivery, Post-office. The family prepared to furnish the best references. DECISION HANDED DOWN. NE day as I reclined at length “Before the footstool of the sage Me Feasting my soul upon the mighty strength Of his great wisdom, shining brightly through His kindly cyes, I asked, ‘‘Oh, master mine, Of all the weeklies which one is the best? Which best shows forth the folly of mankind And holds the mirror to the human soul, Portraying faithfully all secret, vice That mars the brightness of the country's crown ; ** What periodical destroys the sting Of mundane care and adds a zest to life, Like sunshine lighting up a house of woe?" He answered, drawing up his stature tall— “ Judge for yourself, and JupGE, too, for us all.” A GLARING DEFECT. Editor (to new reporter) —" In this article about continental affairs there is one important omission.” Reporter —"What is that, sir?” Editor "You do not use the expression‘ On the chess-board uropean politics.’ comicbooks.com