Judge — May 3, 1890 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

INJURED INNOCENCE. Fo' de’ lawd ! mammy, I didn’ see him—ow ! wow ! wow !" —"" Doan lie ter me, yo" young imp. I put dat woodchucker in d’ oven wiv my own han's, en yo's d’only one whad's been in d’ house sence T done it !" PLAIN - SPOKEN. JONES lacks tact. The other evening he was calling on a lady whom he knew but slightly, when suddenly he noticed a spider hanging from the ceiling. “Do you know, dear mad- busy insect signi- MIRRORS AND FRAMES,| pider at night, sign of " quoted the hoste 0, I don’t mean that signifies in my opinion that you are so unfortunate as to have very careless servants.” GOING IT BLIND. H{!S sight was bad, the doctor said, And he agreed his worst sight Was when he met the girl he wed. And fell in love at first sight. TWO THOUGHTS. [JF AFR on you it is always a faction to be able to add his name to the list of your ene- mies. One should always be spar- ing of one’s contempt—in order to have enough to go around. IT HAPPENED ON BROAD- WAY. Horton —"T told that rascally bar- ber to clip my mustache close.” MoRTON (from other side)—"* That fool of a barber has cut those pet ends clean off.” THE PRoPRIETOR—" Step inside, gents, unt T show you some frames mit mirrors in dem,” MAY. MA%: lovely Mays when roses sweet appear (Sleep, blushing roses, on my lad And tell her of her lover's deep unrest ; How full he is of trembling and of fear Recause, alas! ye cost him very dear). May, lovely May, the pain about my chest Instructs me that forthwith T should invest ine—its need is clear. “Tis May when the mosquito lays his schemes For future siege, invasion and foray, And yearns to exercise his dainty touch, Vis May, indeed, when brimful are our dreams Of the new suit we cannot buy, and May, Thou'rt specially good for circuses and such ! Tue May naterally hard t’ ‘rouse, but th’ nex’ son-of-a-gun that chucks a peanut’ inter th’ canta- trice’s mouth is goin’ ter be my pet target!" Tue woopcnuck—"' By thunder! that was a close shave, I thought one time that I should never be able to crawl through that elbow in the stove-pipe.”” BOLD BUT LOGICA SOU/HY will you tell such falschoods, Lucy daughter. “'Cause, mamma, if I told the truth you'd spank me.” asked a mother of her THE BEST WAY. Mrs. Staggers (newspaper in hand) — Here's listen to Wagner's m Mr. Staggers article on ‘ How to ic. Well, what's the recipe? Does the author recom- mend the wearing of thick ear-muffs?” A GRIEVANCE. First burglar —"A good many English perfesh’nals is workin’ this country now.” Second burglar —"Yes; congress cught to stop it. De burglin’ industey is bein’ ruined by pauper competition.” WOOLLY WEST- ERN OPERA. RT a mild man an’ comicbooks.com