Judge — May 3, 1890 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE Barber —‘* Does this razor hurt you, sir?" Victim— “It would if I weren't a Christian scientist."— Boston Herald, She—"* What makes you havi the medical fraternity ?” —New York Epoch. such a poor opinion of He—"V'm a doctor myself.” When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria, When she was a Child, she cried for Castoria. When she became Miss, she clung to Castoria, When she had Children, she gave them Castoria “Thad many faults as a boy, to-day, “but smart. " said an Atchison man never chewed tobacco thinking it was I chewed it out of curiosi Atchison Globe, Mrs. Winstow's SooTHine Syrup for Children ‘Teething ; soothes the child, softens the gums, allays all pain, cures wind colic and diarrhea, 25 cents a bottle. ‘The sighing swain he played a heart, A club the fighter laid, ‘The nabob played a diamond, ‘And the sexton played a spade, —Washington Post. “Throw physic to the dogs,” and use Angostura Bit- ters for good digestion and a healthy appetite. Sole M'frs, Dr, J.G. B. Siegert & sk your druggi The American congressman often uses two dozen pocket-knives during a session, with enough paper and envelopes to write six hundred letters per day. Queen Victoria can beat this record, She is supplied’ with four dozen pairs of kid gloves per month from a certain fund, and she insists on having them right along.— Aree ress, The JuDGE has commenced its eighteenth volume of comic prosperity. May the JUDGE never leave the bench ! His sentences are always amusing — Boston Times. A sitting hen which tries to hatch Out door-knobs is an illustration ‘To show that some believe they need Just stubborn squatting to succeed ; Which is the scheme a certain breed Attempt to work in legislation, —Philadelphia Press, —10— CENTS PACKAGE, ‘An all-tobacco, Long Filler Cigarette, the most delicious "and wholesome smoke ever offered for the money. CONSOLIDATED CIGARETTE Co. ‘Ave. D and roth St., New York. YOUMANS CELEBRATED HATS. Style and Qualty Unequaled. 180—719—1107 Broadway. THE CELEBRATED PIANOS Are at present the Most Popular and Preferred by Leading Artists, Warerooms, 149, 151, 153, 155 East 14th St.. N.Y. SOHMELK « CO. Prrtapetera, Pa., 1318 Chestnut Street ; Cuicaco, Tur., 2x6 State Street ; Sax Francisco, Cat., Union Club Building: Sr. Lovtss Mo., 1522 Olive Street’; Kansas Cry, Mo., 1123 Main St ‘The New eap YUBA eRICe MANUFACTURT WBARKER trov.n.y. 2OF "ASK YOUR DEALER FOR IT 59 THE SPORTSMAN } LAMENT AND JOY. Once upon a noond © dreary, Whilst a-fishing, lo. and weary, Luckless, th! , hungry, sore ; Presently a languid ling All-resistless came: _ ealing O'er me, an rowed to shore. Down I lay there wi-aout cover, When the flies began to hover And the fleas skipped up my pants: Gnats and woodticks held high revel **Skeeters” stabbed me like the d—. ‘And the earth seemed black with ants, Vainly did I seek to slumber ; Bogs and spiders without number Danced like demons on my head ; Polecats, ‘possums, squirrels, grountl-hogs, Lizards, turtles, beetles, pond-frogs, Seemed possessed to share my bed. Thus I lay until the morrow, Wond'ring if surcease from sorrow Ever came to human kind ; While the mists of morning lifted, O'er my nose a paper drifted, Gently wafted by the wind, Straightway, then, I ceased all musing, While the little scrap perusing ; ‘There I read the blissful charms Of a sleeping-suit, inclosing An imaginary sportsman, dozing Cike some child in mother’s arms, ‘Thus I read, and saw a picture Of a robe without admixture— Made of camel's natural wool ; Made with folds that clasp together, Made to suit all kinds of weather— For winter, warm ; for summer, cool. So I ordered one to try i Let no skeptic here den} Fleas are euchred! ** Skeeters” mute ! Robed am I like king in ermine, Safe from every kind of vermin, Thanks to “‘Jaeger’s sleeping-suit !" S. B. in Outing for May. A certain Georgia editor, having invited a preacher to dine with him, said, ‘* Brother Jones, | have nothing to set before you but ‘bacon and greens. Will you ask a blessing?" And the minister said, ‘* Lord, make us thankful for what we are about to receive, From the way Brother Brown has been talking in his paper, we expected nothing but greens; but lo! here is bacon too, Let him be thankful !"—A Janta Constitution. HE NEW HOLLENDEN, of Cleveland, 01 ‘most magnificent hotel in’ the west. Ameri European plans, is the in and “Maiden why weepest thou? ‘A tear is on thy check. Hide not thy sorrow from the world ; Be silent not, but speak.” “And must I tell thee all That doth my thoughts engage? ‘The census-taker ‘Il soon be round ; T'll have to tell my age —Elmira Advertiser. “REX WHEAT. “Of finest quality, makes delicious porridge ; cannot be surpassed for muffins, griddle-cakes and” bread,"— The Doctor for November, A teacher in a Sunday-school announced that he'd present A silver-clasped, morocco-bound, illumined testament To every boy who, on the coming Sunday, could repeat From memory a chapter from the scriptures all complete. When Sunday came he found that only one had gained the prize, And so he set to work some other method to devise : Instead of testaments he offered each a ball and bat ; Ere Sunday came each urchin memorized his chapter pat. —Chicago Herald, i Ethel (to paterfamilias, who has just said grace) — “'S'cuse me, papa ; is it gram'ical to say A men?" — American Grocer. For sense in nonsense, wit without malice, and clean fun commend us to Jupce. Judge's Library, publis ed monthly, is a sure remedy for brain fag.— Utica (MN. Y,) College and School. formation is that the land is too wet for plowing in sippi and Louisiana. Uncle Jerry has got it right this time. The swimming seems io be good, however.—Boston Herald, The agricultural burea Boker's Bitters since 1828 acknowledged to be by far the best and finest Stomach Bitters made, whether taken pure or with wines or liquors. A little two-year-old boy went to. the grocery store with his mother. While there the proprietor gave the little fellow an apple.‘ What do you say to the gen- tleman when he gives you an apple?" asked the grate- ful mother. The little fellow hesitated a moment, then reaching the apple up to the giver said, ‘Peel it."— West Shore, THE KAISER'S FAVORITE Champagne is ‘Cabinet Sekt,” of Kloss & Foerster, Freyburg. Thomsen & Co., 87 Wall st., sole agents, Which is the hardest tongue to spe Ke German, Latin, French, or Gree! Chinese or Hebrew, Gaelic or Zulu? ‘The mongrel tongue they call Chinook, Or the rough, wild words of the Bashi-Bazouk ? Well, bless me, let me see. I'think our English the hardest is, And the hardest words to speak, I wis, Are ‘Will you marry me?” —Chicago Times, HAVE No-SUPERIORS 10¢ Straighy PROVE THEIR WOWH. WP HLOGDEN & Co. BINGHAMTON.N.Y. ‘ASK YOUR BEALER 108 mE WH! United: tates {APPEARS ON EVERY BOTTLE. Lig lo “The Marquis” A soft hat throughout, com- bining the Dressy appearance of the stiff hat, with all the comfort of the former. Made up in black, brown and a light color, on the order of a buff or tan. : Send postal for Order Blank, Prices, etc. N. ESPENSCHEID, New York City, N. Y. Established nearly half a century in the same locality. PREMIERE QUALITE CIGARETTE. A SUPERB ARTICLE. ury, and not a low-priced article. The standard of purity and excellence. The faultless union of two matchless tobaccos prevents that dryness of the throat usually produced by smoking other brands, prejudice to prevent you from giving this incomparable cigarette a trial. Do not allow It is simply perfection, and a lux- Our Vanity Fair and other smoking mixtures are the finest for the pipe. ! 16 First-prize Medals. Wm. S. KIMBALL & Co,