Judge — March 29, 1890 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE WHEN my rhyming muse gets weary of her rhyming T shall switch her on a side-track parallel ; I shall write an English novel, for I'm certain I-could write ant English novel very well. Lords and ladies, earls and duchesses and captains I shall shower with a careless hand and free, And their languid occupations shall be‘ shooting,” Sitting. vacuously rouhd-and having: tea, Ethel Cholmondeley shall reject the earkot Somiething* Down by the lodge beneath the chestnut tree ; I shall introduce the Derby, rain, galoghes, ‘The tenants, the curate, fog, moré,fain and:——. ONE WAY OF PUTTING. 1T S¢\WWVELL, Mrs. Brown, if yez-don't-’raite: ime wages I shall be.obleeged to be afthér lav- in’ yez whin me month js‘up.” = Bean “Why, Jane! when-you ¢ame:here. you knew scarcely anything;. it -was d<ivhotaught: you.” “And ’ shure, mum idn‘t 1 _bé_afther bein’ wuth more new, whindsknowsg much, than whin I didn’t know nothin’ at dl-atall?® ” DISINHERITED. Lawyer —“"Yoxi%ite" brig: of the heirs contesting this will? “oat é Witness —"1 am Lawyer — One of the provisions of the will says that any heir who contests it shall receive nothing.” Witness—' Yes; but.we haye one gate left open by Which: to enter imo. the property.” Lawyer —“Humph! You ate joking. gate is that ? Witness —“The surrogate.” Law) The witness is disinherited.” What EPITAPH ON A SPRING POET, HS pea was but hall-eathered, like the chicken-of the spring ; His way through life, spring-chicken-like, was rough, And the simile goes further—he was as weak of wing, And as that same poor chicken, he was tough. rm EASTER MUSIC. Mrs, Saipraise (alter the service) —"Wasnit:that music just too divine? Oh, those blended voices—the harmony'!®'It seemed to lift my soul above all earthly thought.” Mrs. Neeldown —* It was inspiration, truly. most perfect religious feeling. So exalted!” (In the choir about the same time) —" Thank goodness, it’s over!” Scoot for the coast Such expression! The MY INTENTION. After years of perspicacious observation Witness my sublimely simple recipe— I shall open at a country-seat ancestral With my characters assembled drinking tea. Lady Featherstonehaugh, beautiful but fragile, Shall take twenty-five-mile strolls diurnally. Every night, with candlesticks, in slow procession All shall solemnly wend bedward—after t— Yea, -whien my thyming muse gets tired of rhyming *I'shall:occupy her while T let her rest ; T shall write an Englisir novel, since I'm certain Lcan.write an English novell with the best ! 4 RAMA AL OFFER, FAR-REACHING FAME. SHEIK ALI Ben Mgex—"' Who touches:a kink of yonder slave dies like a dog. I have spoken. “Oh, my poor throat!” “"I just. seréeched that upper E.” “Have a cough-drop?” “Those horrid ‘last arhens!” “Say, where on earth did you altos get in the third hallelujalr?”_ "I thought we'd go to pieces, sure, on ‘bliss eternal.’ Miserable:selection, any way—don't you think?". “* Peace,” peace ‘and love’ wasniit’so bad; but the sopranos got way off on ‘Let, us rejoice." “Oh, hurry'up; do. 1 promised to walk up with the tenorpand.1-know that horrid:new-alto will get ahead of me if she can.” ‘ msm, A LITTLE SCHEME OF HIS OWN. Boxco Wintiams —" Why, Mr. Shedruf, how do you do?” Mx, Sueprur (a reteran)—"* How are yer?” comicbooks.com