Judge — March 22, 1890 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE 389 Artful dodger —"" Quite a spell we're having?" Ofi- cer (putting on the handcufls)—"* Yes; quite a cold snap."—Boston Herald, What are you going to give up for Lei bud?" asked Charley de Bohre. ‘You ! young woman.—New York Sun. The tailo Perha enoug made girl is said to be going out of fashion, it is just as well. ‘The ready-made girl is good for anybody.—Aferchant Traveler. When Baby was sick, wo gave her Castoria. When she was a Child, she cried for Castoria. When she became Miss, abe clung to Castoria When she had Children, she gave them Castoria fay Gould may be a bold, Bad man, but it is to be written to his credit that he'bas never yet purchased a seat in the United States senate,— Sioux City Journal. He is a public man, prominent in his own count and yet he confesses that the world will go on as we after he leaves it, His friends fear he is losing his mind.— Philadelphia Tit Wixstow’s SooTHING Syrup for Children Mrs. Teething ; soothes the child, softens the gums, allays all pain, cures wind colic and diarrhoea, 25 cents a bottle. “Oh, what are those sounds that my ear-drum stun Like the shouts of an Indian horde or Demoniac yells?” ‘* Why, the speaker, son, Has just called the house to order.” —Pittsburg Press, Mother (to baby) —"* It's muzzer’s little ootsy-tootsy ; muzzer loves her little darling baby.” Fanny (who has just been spanked)—"* Don't you believe her, baby. When you (sob) grow up she'll spank you t-t-too !"— Texas Siftings, Every time a thaw comes and the sun shines we ex- pect to see the man who predicted that this would be the toughest winter of the century walk in and tell about the robins and blue-birds he has heard whistling in the Dracut woods.—Lorwell Mail. Our young people—not to criticise their elders— sometimes show themselves sadly at sea when called upon to locate a biblical reference One stated recently, alter a despairing search for the prophecy of Naham, that Naham was not in her bible, And another, hearing the superb rendering of the cantata of * Esther,” in- quired, “* Where do you get that book of Esther? I must read it.” Another was telling an amusing story the point of which turned upon a passage of scripture. His listener innocently inquired where the text referred to was to be found, and the ranconteur stated that it was in the book of Jericho,— Boston Commonwealth, —10— CENTS PACKAGE. An all-tobacco, Long Filler Cigarette, me the most delicious “and - whol smoke ever offered for the money. CONSOLIDATED CIGARETTE Co, ‘Ave. D and soth St., New York. THE CELEBRATED PIANos ns ‘Aro at present the Most Popular and Preferred by Leading Artists, Warerooms, 149, 151, 153, 155 East 14th St., N.Y. SOHMER & CO. Puitapnirura, Pa., 1318 Chestnut Street ; Curceco, Tet., 2x6 State Street ; Saw Francisco, Cat., Union ‘Cub Building Sr. Louis, Mo., 1522 Olive Street; Kansas City, Mo,, 1123 Main St Barker BRANoCottars 2 1 Sioes LINEN Cents E BUY TH ER B EM. The business of typewriting has now come to be rec- ognized as a distinct step.on the road to matrimony— Boston Herald, Tomlet—‘*1 see that they are making cloth out of Boblet —"* For opera-dresses and the ballet, 1 New York Herald, The Little Rock Republican says the English spar- row has arrived there. Why not throw the name of the town at the pugnacious bird and frighten it away ?— Troy Times, * ‘A good deal of the trouble of this life is due to the fact that people will persist in working so hard to get things that they do not need and never ought to want,— Somerville Journal, The friends of the unfortunate insane woman in New | York who fancies herself Joan of Arc may take comfort in the reflection that many American actresses have fan- cied themselves Sarah Bernhardt.— Philadelphia Times. “Throw physic to the dogs,” and use Angostura Bit- tere for good digestion and a healthy appetite. Sole M'frs, Dr. J.G. B. Siegert & Sons. Ask your druggist. “‘Salvation’s free,” sang the choir. ‘I'm glad of that,” said a poorly-dressed old gentleman who had just dropped in ; “but you jest wait till some o' them Eng- lish syndicaters get hold on 't."”—Boston Transcript. How many men each day you'll see— Of such there is no dearth— Whose only mission seems to be ‘To take up room on earth, —Washington Post, ‘The attention of club men is called to the advertise- ment of Greenway’s India pale ale, double stout and half-and-half, A test of these goods will speedily satis- fy them that these American brands are equal to any manufactured. Housewife —"* We haven't any cold victuals nor "— Tramp—"Cold victuals? Who asked you for cold victuals? I want broiled steak an’ fried ‘eggs an’ hot flannel-cakes an’ coffee. Cold victuals! ‘The idea !"— Philadelphia Inguirer. “SURE TO TAKE THE LEAD And I will have no other,” said a prominent club man after he had tasted ‘* Cabinet Sekt," the famous German champagne. ‘The news comes from Berlin that our minister and his wife, Mr. and Mrs. William Walter Phelps, have introduced ‘the five-o'clock tea” in that city. | Thus do we get in our revenge for whatever points we lost to Germany in the Samoan treaty.—Nere York World. On the occasion of Susan B, Anthony's recent birth- day celebration Miss Frances E. Willard sent the fol- lowing: ‘Beloved Susan, you have lived seventy self- less, sacred, sorrowful, seraphic years.” Why didn’t she alliterate all through by writing, ‘Sweet Susan, seventy selfless, sacred, sorrowful, seraphic summers salute suc- cessively ?”"— Utica Herald. By taking advanta ge of a cold Oshkosh, Wis., have filled their houses with excellent ice, and the people of that flourishing city are in a con- dition to snap their fingers disdainfully at the rest of nap the ice-dealers of mankind, Let no presumptuous witling of newspaper- dom use the name of Oshkosh flippantly during the year 1890.—Chicago Tribune, Miss Redingote—" No, Aunt Brindle; 1 am not en- gaged. When I marry it will be a great’ man." Afrs. Brindle (doubt{ully)—"* Well, dunno. You can’t al- ways tell how a man will turn out. Now, there's Jo- siah"—— Miss Redingote—"* You don’t mean to Say Uncle Brindle has ever distinguished himself?" Mrs. Brindle—" Well, V'll tell you what he did. 1 sent him down to the store with ‘a ribbon the other day and he matched it!"—Zippincott. There has been a cabinet crisis in Peru and a new cabinet has been formed in which there are thirty-six vowels and six hundred and thirteen consonants. It has the confidence of the entire country.—AMinneapolis Times. Hushed is the conversation’s sound Of sages and of gawks, And there is silence, deep—profound When money talks. —Boston Courier. Jrate father —* Is it true, Irene, that you have finally rejected’ young Croesus as he told me today?” Ca/w daughter —"* Ves, papa.” Irate father—“* Ungrateful girl! Who am I going to borrow money from now ?"— Somerville Journal. “REX WHEAT” Looks better, keeps better, tastes better, goes further than any other grain food. “Delicious in “mush” gems, bread, and “* griddles.”” The, Western Catholic News of tl not absurd and alliterative. Discussing the recent Saw- telle murder the W. C, W. says, “The red glare of another horrible crime tints the minarets of the ungodly mosques of Massachusetts.” ‘There is no glare, red or any color, to this crime. There are no minarets in Massachusetts and no mosques, godly or ungodly. Even if there were minarets and mosques all over the state we do not see any connection between them aid this or any other murder. Besides, as this murder was committed way up in New Hampshire it would be difi- cult, even if it had a red glare, to light up the minarets, even if there were any, way down in Boston.—Chicage ibune, s city is nothing if HILLLPS’ ~ oe" COCOO Unequaled for Delicacy of Flavor and Nutri- 'y tious Properties. 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