Judge — March 8, 1890 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE Why, don't you know your ABC?" Jouxxy—" Oh, yes ; and besides that we eat Duo sone Bat ith, How do Jounny — yu do that Why, A B C oatmeal.” Some day there will be trouble because the purchaser of a load of coal insists on taking possession of the wag- on and driver for no better reason than that he paid for them by weight.— Washingfon Post. Lives of bankers oft remind us We should make our sneak in time, And in skipping leave behind us Footprints to no other clime, Oil City Blizzard, ‘When Baby was sick, wo gave her Castoria. When she was a Child, she cried for Castorin. When she became Miss, she clung to Castoria When she had Children, she gave them Castoria “Oh, would I were a bird !” she ‘And each disgusted one ‘Thought to himself this wicked thought : “Oh, would I were a gun !" —Chicago Herald, NE, Gains, gains, gains, everywhere gains! That is about the best epitome of the New York Life Insurance Com- pany's annual report for 1889, which will be found in our advertising columns. Income, twenty-nine million dollars—a gain of nearly four millions ; payments to pol- icy-holders, over twelve million dollars—a gain of over a million ; assets, over one hundred and five million dol- lars—a gain of eleven millions ; surplus, over fifteen mil- lion dollars—a gain of over a million and a half; insur- ance written, one hundred and fifty-one million’ dollars —a gain of over twenty-si insurance in force, over four hundred and ninety-five million dollars. of over seventy-five millions. The New York ready comprises within itself the business and resources of half a dozen ordinary companies, but its growth has been solid and its management far-seeing. ‘The admi- rable contracts it offers, and the superior results of its matured policies, have made it a favorite company with the insuring public, ‘The citizens of Maryville, Kan., it is said, celebrated the completion of the water-works by tapping a couple of kegs of beer and giving everybody a drink or more of it. The Kansas prohibitionist has a family resemblance to the Kentuckian who died of thirst beside a sparkling mountain brook.—Aansas City Times. Sign CENTS PACKAGE. ‘An all-tobacco, Long Filler the most delicious and wholesome smoke ever offered for the money. CONSOLIDATED CIGARETTE CO, ‘Ave. D and roth St., New York. THE CELEBRATED tug ot apr a ecu eae Warerooms, 149, 151, 153, 155 East 14th St., W. Y. SOHMER « CO. Pa., 1318 Chestnut Street; Cuicaco, Tat. 236 ;an Fraxcisco, Cat., Union Club Building’: Sr. Lovis, Mo,, ig22 Olive Street’; Kaskas City, Mo,, 122g Main St Put away the little coal-hod that our darling wants to nt, For she fain would decorate it with devices queer and quaint. Hide the dustpan and the washtub, and likewise the garden hose, Or Matilda will adorn them with the lily and the rose. When Belinda in the morning gets the wooden chopping-bow! To concoct the morning comned-beef hash it vexes much her soul To behold a wreath of pansies where she fain would cut and slash ; So she scrapes it off because the paint might penetrate the hash. On the household rolling-pin is tied a pretty yellow bow, And. its lilies-of-the-valley oft commingle with the dough ; While the new potato-masher and the kettles and the pots Are magnificent with butterflies and sweet forget-me- nots. All our articles of furniture, the ancient and the new, Are resplendent quite with drapery and bows of bright- est hue ; In the house we look about with mingled sorrow and amaze, For Matilda is affected with the decorative craze. G. H. in exchange, SIMPLY PERFECT. This is the verdict of all who have tried ‘Cabinet Sekt,” the favorite champagne of Kaiser Wilhelm II. It frequently occurs that the man who is much imbued with the idea that he is his brother's keeper makes a very poor bluff at keeping himself.— Blizzard, Mrs, Wixstow's Sooriinc SyruP for Children ‘Teething ; soothes the child, softens the gums, allays all pain, cures wind colic and diarrhea, 25 cents a bottle. “The sphere of women is certainly extending, Mrs, Lashington to her husband. ‘Every once in a while some woman goes into the lecture-field.” said her husband, wearily ; “every married man knows that."— Washington Post, Connoisseurs pronounce Greenway’s India pale ale and double stout the equal of the best imported brands. ‘These goods are bright, sparkling and unequaled for purity and flavor. Fair customer Is this western beef?" butcher (proudly) —"* No, madam ; ill-mannered steers from ‘the rowdy west. This beef, madam, is from a highly © cultivated and very refined cow, formerly ‘of Boston.’ ‘ew York Weekly. Eastern we don't deal in | GROWING BARBED WIRE. While riding over this line in company with Mr. C. W. Pardo, a former Atlantian, I was confidentially let into the secret of a new industry. Ona farm at the side of the road I noticed quite a number of telegraph poles growing without any bark on them. T asked Pardo the cause, He said: ** Well, since you've discovered the trees, if you will promise ‘not to reveal the secret I will tell you all about it. That farm is mine and since I have been here I accidentally discovered that those poles ~ could be grown without the skin on, so to speak, all ready for market. I began to experiment and soon learned that I could raise the poles with the cross-arms on them; to these I budded a few pop bottles, and the result was the insulators on the arms. A few happened to be planted near a barbed-wire fence, and, bless your soul, the wire caught on and I harvested a fully equipped telegraph line nineteen miles long. I have planted a transmitter and a young lady operator, an have a telephone 1 m large enough for a ta, and he brakeman’ called * Halifax his was Pardo’s station and he got off. Pardo always sustained a high reputation for veracity while he lived in Atlanta,—A danta Journal, “Throw physic to the dogs,” and use Angostura Bit- ters for good digestion and a healthy appetite. Sole M'frs, Dr. J. G. B. Siegert & Sons. Ask your druggist. A Chicago dime museum has a curiosity in the shape of a woman who hasn't said anything but "yes" and “no” for three years. Some members of congress, while in their seats or on the floor, never say anything but yes” and “no” during their entire term, but they are not considered enough of a curiosity ‘for dime museum “freaks."—Norristown Herald. HILLIPS’ DIG Unequaled for Delicacy of Flavor and Nutri- tious Properties. Easily Digested. Different from all other Cocoas, Agencies for Esrexscuetp’s Celebrated Hats are about be- ing established throughout the United States. If not yet to be obtained in your city send for ‘Illustrated’ Circular" of Spring Styles, giving directions “How to Order,” prices, etc., direct to New York’ salesroom, as per Trade Mark, which is a guarantee of Style and Quality wherever found, “OUT LATE? ‘Then eat a delicious dish of ‘Rex Wheat" for break- ‘Tones up the stomach, prevents many a sick head- If an errand-boy and a healthy sna In a lively race for speed-points should engage, By the time the former reached the goal how long Would the snail be dead of old age? —Philadelphia Times, FOR BOSTON. ‘The New York and New England railroad furnishes travelers with the shortest and quickest route between New York and Boston. ‘Trains leave Grand Central depot at 12 mid-day and 3 o'clock P. M., arriving in Bos- ton at 6.30 and 9g P. Mt respectively. Elegant parlor and dining cars on all trains. Equipment unsurpassed. kets at Grand Central depot and company's office, 347 Broadway. It will be discouraging to the subscribers to the Grant monument, which is increasing at the rate of four cent., to hear that the ways and means committee has decided to put an additional duty of forty per cent. on granite. —Providence Journal, HAMEeD BELL & ouiged fy oe env ieUnutedd tates} wen YOUMANS CELEBRATED HATS. Style and Quality Unequaled. 180—719—1107 Broadway. PREMIERE QUALITE CIGARETTE. A SUPERB ARTICLE. The standard of purity and excellence. The faultless union of two matchless tobaccos prevents that dryness of the throat usually produced by smoking other brands. prejudice to ury, and not a low- ‘Our Vanity Fai 16 Firat-prize Medals. iced article. revent you from giving this incomparable cigarette a trial. Do not allow It is simply perfection, and a lux. ir and other smoking mixtures are the finest for the pipe. Ww. 8S. KIMBALL & Co. comicbooks.com