Judge — January 25, 1890 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. Publishers ee W is ANNE: Art Department eaenand GILLAs, Balle Amn OTM Gueconv. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITED STATES AND CANADA, IN ADVANCE. One copy, one year, or s2 numbers - $5.00 ‘One copy, six months, or 26 numbers - "2.50 SZ One copy, for 13 weeks = = nas Including the Cunistatas Juocr. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all for- ign countries in the postal union, $6 @ year. THE JuDGE PuBLiIsHING Company (Jupce Buitpin Cor. Fifth Ave, and 16th St., New York. B97 We guarantee advertisers a larger circulation at cheaper rates than any other American satirical paper published. The Juocn ts for sale at Brentano's, 17 Avenue del Opera, Paris, and at Brentano's 450 Strand, London BY MR, PARNELL—* O'Shea, where is thy blush ?’ eee ENGLISH IDEA—What is sauce for India is sauce for the Portuguese. COLOMBIA is not the gem of the ocean; she is only one of the sparkles of it. MB- CLEVELAND is quiet, but he is a good wire-puller for all that, and always has the current on. THE WOMAN who is looking for insults is very much an- grier when she doesn't get them than when she does. HE FIGHT the Albany Argus is making on Governor Hill is so noiseless and undemonstrative that you can hear a pin drop. PDO CARLOS watches all the epidemics with a keen eye, thinking perhaps one of them will produce a corpse and bring him a crown, (6THE YEAR 1890 will be a hummer for business,” says an authority. Somehow this re- minds us of that sweet old adage, “ Business begins to hum,” ars F SOMEBODY doesn't discover a remedy for the fights be- tween the different schools of medicine they will presently be- come a destructive epidemic. Fixst orricer — SECOND OFFICER — PARTY WHO HAS FAL = leave me. doughnuts.” EDO NOT believe that the United States senate is a rich man’s club, but Senator Brice argues differently and thinks he has the money to show for it. E, MUST insist that Ben Harrison didn’t accidentally shoot a pig whien he was loaded for coon. white house is out of pork? Is it not an open secret that the A YOUTH of Providence spent seventy-five thousand dollars in wo years, ‘Then he reformed and went to selling clams, Then he re= formed some more by killing himself. F A MAN is ina his n get a divor chronic state of intoxication for t s in Illinois from him, The temptation to intoxication must be great in numerous cases in Illinois. THA Tf GOOD old girl Mrs. F ton has not been in Boston in ten years. Growin; m as well as in years. ‘Time was when she could not live outside of the snub of the universe. THE heads for Republica perhaps we may excuse Calvin fact it couldn't be, be in wisd became a Democrat by flipping a coin- tails for Democracy, and tails won. So It isn’t a matter of principle at all; in use he hasn’t any. A HOPELESS CASE. What's wrong wid him, Jimmy? Sot a hair can T move him, It's no use, gentlem: I've been at the West-side cooking-school dinner, and Ta ‘THELLO, instead of using a pillow on Desdemona, ought, in the belief of the Commercial Advertiser, to have blown out the gas. A live wire would have been better, because in that case he would have accident- ally killed himself and so made a clean, quick job of the entire business. HE CZAR is suffering from cutaneous poison as a result of wearing a German uniform, The czar is not safe from poison when he eats or drinks. Now if he can’t wear his clothes he'll get his death of cold. As between him and the poor wretches who are dying by inches in Siberia there is no man living who wouldn't prefer to be somebody else. TOO GOOD, TOO GOOD! ALL THE DEFAULTERS and elopers are men who stood high in the esteem of all who knew them; and here comes the Elmira Gazette with the statement that three Democratic governors—Hill of New York, Campbell of Ohio, and McKinney of Virginia—never smoked, drank or chewed, and one of them never uttered a profarie word. Appearances are frequently deceiving. An absence of small vices doesn’t necessarily argue the presence of large ones, and yet the perfect individual has yet to be born. The Detroit Free Press tells of a western man who declared when he started a grocery that he wouldn't sand his sugar, water his vinegar, or chalk his milk. “We give you twenty-four hours to leave town!” said the local vigilance committee. “We don’t want no angels ‘round here.’ WILLIAM'S YEARNINGS. MB. WHITNEY is said to have a desire to be president, and one report says that if he can’t get the prize he would prefer Hill to Cleveland, Still further, it is re- marked that Brice’s election is a feather in the Whitney cap. Just one word. The less you believe as to these little rumors the more information you have. Undoubt- edly Mr. Whitney would like to be president, but he came into po- sition so late and abandoned it so speedily that if he should run be would have to be introduced to the people and then two-thirds of them wouldn't recall him till after election. THE UNCORKED BEN. BEN BUTLER kicks at Grover Cleveland and civil-service re~ form with as much vigor as if he didn’t have the gout; and, judging from his own pain, thinks every kick as much a kicker-out as it ought to be, Great man, that Ben. He never suffers, and the snubs of the people are as soothing to him as balm of Gilead. ‘¢ him a swollen check with a handkerchief around it and agony within and he will whistle all day over the suppo- ion that all the rest of the world has tooth-ache and neuralgia. PUT THE LOYAL ON GUARD. ‘YWWHILE domestic broils and personal dissatisfaction, incident to per- sonal disappointment, follow in the wake of political success, the Republican party is as little or less affected by this inevitable condition than was its persevering antagonist so recently defeated. While it has its hungry camp-followers, courageous in a raid and lit- te sacrificing in a contest, it must be remembered that the vast mass of its adherents are not cither “very hungry or very thirsty.” Of its multitude of voters who cast their ballots as an expression of political belief or conviction, not a shadow of the smallest per cent. soiled the ticket with a thumb-mark of official seeking. It is natural enough that those who strove arduously and long in the ic contest should ask that in the line of promotion the selection should be made from the winning ranks, and that the guardianship of the victo- rious colors should not be put in the hands of those who tried their best to beat them down, Yet, and nevertheless, the struggle was not as much for an epaulet as for a victory. A party whose parts are simply cemented by the adhesiveness of spoils will quickly disintegrate under the seductive pull of a stronger or a mercenary affinity. The cohesive faith in a Republican policy is not likely Can't yer Tift him?” 3 you might just as well four amateur Comickooks.cojn