Judge — January 4, 1890 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE 213 CARL PRETZELS PHILOSOPHY. No peobles should vear dheir efery-day clothes on Sunday. Dhere seems to been more piedy in a rekular Sunday pair of pandyloons. ° Alvays gif a helping vord to der boys in distress. Dhere vas only a_shtep from life und brosberidy into der whirlpool of dishtructioy Honestness vas a bully policy. you don’d did got caught at it. 4, 11, 44, vhen it comes your vay Ofer you don’d can pay der brincibal of der debt of dis life, dots besser you try und pay der interest. It vas to your interest to pay der brincibal und your brin- cibal to pay der interest anyhow.—WNational Weekly, It vas a vinner vhen It vas yoost so good as When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria. When she was a Child, she cried for Castoria. When she became Miss, sho clung to Castoria. When sho had Children, she gave them Castoria She jilted me. gret ‘That she declined the hand a princess might be glad to get. I wasn't much just then, but felt I'd surely grow to be A prince of men, Poor, foolish thing! ‘The girl who jilted me. "Twas years ago, . How sadly she'd re- She now enjoys a pleasant home she earned with her ‘own hands, While I—well, somehow fate has disarranged my youth- ful plans, It's hard to pay my board—what could I do with two— or three? I quite respect the judgment of the girl who'jilted me. “Now, let good digestion wait on appetite, and health on both,” is a favorite toast after taking Angos- tura Bitters. Dr. J. G. B, Siegert & Sons, M'f'rs. EGGSTRACTIONS. "* May your son never set,” as the turkey said to the old hen,—Dansville Breeze. To drive a hen where she doesn't want to go is slow but shoo-er business.— Binghamton Herald, “Eggs are higher this week,” as the hen remarked when she went away up on the top of the haymow and stole a nest in the darkest corner.—Burlington Free Press, The modest and unassuming hen never dreams of proudly seeking independence in a profession, i content to remain a useful lay member of society. timore American Have you used Packer's Tar Soap for the Complexion or Shampooing ? Its use is a luxury; imparting clear, soft, smooth, healthful skin and vigorous hair ; cures Dandruff and Skin Diseases; prevents Chapping. 25 cents. All Druggists. (/-For sample mention Judge, and send 4 stamps to Tue Packer M'r'c Co., 100 Fulton St., N.Y. THE CELEBRATED PIANOS Aro at present the Most Popular and Preferred by Leading Artists, Warerooms, 149, 151, 153, 155 East 14th St., N.Y. SOHMER & CO,, Purcapeirnsa, Pa, 1318 Chestnut Street; Cuicaco, Th., 236 State Street ; San Francisco, Cat., Union Club Building: Sr. Lovis, Mo., 1522 Olive Street’; Kansas City, Mo., 1123 Main St g BARKER BRAND COLLARS »* Cents CA BUY THEM. MIGHTY SLOW SOMETIMES. “There isn't a business in the world,” remarked the | division superintendent, “ that can show one tithe of the energy, progressive spirit and general enterprise that the railroad business does.” “* Oh, come off!" said the re- porter," why, there isn't enough enterprise in your whole corporation to run a six-column weekly with boiler-plate matter, Last week you ran a gravel-train into your lim- ited express at a water-tank, and the next day you broke down a bridge and dumped thirty-two freight-cars into | the river, and there wasn't a man about the general offices, from president to door-keeper, that ever knew a thing about it until they read an account of it in the Hustler, and that was written by a new reporter, work- ing on space to get in, Enterprise !" and the disgusted scribbler went away to ‘do” an embezzlement that the directors hadn't heard of yet.—Burdette. TRY IT! WHAT? Why ‘‘Cabinet Sekt,” the purest and best champagne in the world and the favorite of Kaiser Wilhelm Il. TO THE SPELLING-CLASS. Stand up, ye spellers, now, and spell : Spell phenakistoscope and knell: Or take some simple word, as chilly, Or gauger, or the garden lily. To spell such words as syllogism And lachrymose and synchronism ‘And pentateuch and saccharine, ‘Apocrypha and celandine, Lactiferous and cecity, jejune and homeopathy, alysis and chloroform, Rhinoceros and pachyderm, Metempsychosis, gherkins, basque, Is certainly no easy task. Kaleidoscope and Tennessee, Kamschatka and dispensary, Diphthong and erysipelas And etiquette and sassafras, Infallible and ptyalism, Allopathy and rheumatism And cataclysm and beleaguer, Twelfth, eighteenth, rendezvous, intriguer, And hosts of other words are found On English and on classic ground. Thus Behring straits and Michaelmas, Thermopyla‘, Cordilleras, Suite, hemorrhage, jalap, and Havana, Cinquefoil and ipecacuanha And Rappahannock, Shenandoah, ‘And Schuylkill, and a thousand more, ‘Are words some prime good spellers miss In dictionary lands like this ; Nor need one think himself a scroyle If some of these his efforts foil, Nor deem himself undone forever To miss the name of either river, ‘The Dnieper, Seine, of Guadalquivir, —Hartford Post. Mrs. Winstow's SooTHING Syrur for Children ‘Teething ; soothes the child, softens the gums, allays all pain, cures wind colic and diarrhea, "25 cents a bottle. DRUMSTICKS. “Culinary taxidermy—Stuffing a turkey. shire, ‘The raffle of the turkey is heard in, the land, —Dans- ville Breeze. . There is just now an over-cultivation of the turkey crop.—Rahway Advocate. Whoever undertakes to devour poultry without thor- oughly plucking it is apt to feel down in the mouth. — Whitehall Times. ‘ew Hamp- Judicious speculation the road to riches ; Wall street operations conducted on $10 to $1,000. JACKSON, SPRAGUE & Ci few York. When a choir singer's salary is raised it helps him lift up his voice.— Yonkers Gasette, When a keen ear meets a cutting remark it is natural that a sharp encounter should ensue.— Exchange. A PRUDENT MAN. | A stranger yesterday entered Warren's union ticket office, and, after gazing around for a spell, said he wanted Ket to go to St. Louis by the Bawash road, Never heard of such a line,” said the clerk. ‘+ But there must be one.” Say, don't you mean the Wabash road?” that’s it, I got the thing mixed. the Washbash road.” “+1 said Wabash “Yes; I know. Singular how I get it turned around, Yes ; I want to go by the Bashwash road.” “Can't you say Wabash?” The man looked at him in an anxious way for a long minute and then asked : Can't I go by some other line?" ‘ou can.” then I'd better do so. If I should start for the Washbash depot and bring up at the Bashwash depot I might not get out of the town at all, I know what the name is as well as any one—it’s the Wobblebash road— but when I go to pronounce it it comes out the other way. Give me something easy—something I can take two more drinks on and yet carry straight."—Free Press, |The Kodak. “Vou press the button, we do the vest.” THE ONLY CAMERA THAT ANYBODY CAN Paice, $26.00, USE WITHOUT IN- Loaded fot ico Picturea, S7RUCTION. For sale by all Photo. Stock Dealers. Send for copy of Kodak Primer, with sample photograph. The Eastman Dry Plate and Film Co., ROCHESTER, N. Y. a, OF THE COMFORTIN ) /O¢, SHAVING DEPENDS ON ‘© THE SOAP USED TR Yes; it's Gg 5 S04? {2-For sample send 3 cents to 55 John St,, N. ¥. ICE 00 ‘ i } ‘ ‘ YOUMANS CELEBRATED HATS. Style and Quality Unequaled. | 180—719—1107 Broadway. PREMIERE QUALITE CIGARETTE. tobaccos prevents that dryness of the throat usually produced by smoking other brands. Prejudice to prevent you from giving this incomparable cigarette a trial. A SUPERB ARTICLE. The standard of purity ury, and not a low-priced article. and excellence. The faultless union of two matchless Do not allow It is simply perfection, and a lux- Our Vanity Fair and other smoking mixtures are the finest for the pipe. 16 First-prize Medals. Wm. S. KIMBALL & Co. comicbooks.com