Judge, 1889 · page 66 of 72
Judge — 1889 — page 66: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three separate humorous sketches from Judge magazine: 1. **"Cause for Hauteur"**: A boarding house resident boasts about eating strawberry shortcake three days running—the joke being his pompousness is unwarranted given this trivial accomplishment. 2. **"His Affliction"**: An elderly rural man (Uncle Bill Merritt) complains to his doctor about rheumatism and various misfortunes, including sitting on wet paint on a milk bench. It's folksy humor about small-town life's indignities. 3. **"Not That Kind of Fence"** and **"Just the Other Way"**: These appear to involve fencing instruction—likely playing on "fence" meaning both a physical barrier and someone who receives stolen goods. A woman asks if fencing lessons would make her "less conspicuous," implying the satirical suggestion that she's involved in criminal activity. The magazine uses vernacular dialect and domestic scenarios to mock social pretensions and the follies of ordinary people.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
BEST THINGS CAUSE FOR HAUTEUR. Ni BOARDER you think su?” OLD BoaKDER— Pompous 1 guess you'd look pompous if you'd the strawberry out of the short-cake for three successive days, i HIS AFFLICTION. “You ain't lookin’ quite ’s well as usual,” remarked the village doctor as he met Uncle Bill Merritt coming down the village street. I'm feelin’ kinder pindiin’ like sence | met with "was the on it? I swow! it takes things ul long time ter git ated ‘round this town, heard on it?) Why I'm nigh ‘bout dead. © Yer sce it wuz this way. My woman, she says ter me bbath evenin, ‘William,’ she says, ‘you've got ter git up peart an carly, and peel some runt per- taters. for the hogs, 'F yer want ro apple-sass fer Ne you've got ter keep them animiles fed,’ she doc, Waal, L hopped out 'r bed Monday ‘mornin’ o’clock—darker 'n ent down in th’ livin felt ‘round fer a match "bout four findin’ one went down cellar, trusting ter luck.” “Fell down stairs?” asked the doctor. repr much “What a pompous looking man that Mr. Darby is; ee, FROM JUDGE. NOT THAT KIND OF FENCE. Mrs. Tunwatr—" Do you think a course of fencing would—er—er—make ine less conspicuous ?” INSTRUCTOR'S SMALL. HROTHER enough.” JUST THE OTHER WAY. *T never met any one who could 3 you, I don't suppose you us Oh yes, indeed, altogether; but aya 1k and p our brai y at the same time with so tall in playing 2” it in my conversation,” rd ‘r two ef fust-class rheummytism send ’m t’ me an’ I'll m ure it off fer 'm free-gratis-fer-nothin’ an’ an ile-paintin’ thrown in.” “Tell her yes, Bertha, if she builds it high “No; I got th’ rightan’ come up s she allus gits mad 'f IT mu things up, so I onlocked the back door an’ steppin’ out took on th’ milk-bench on th’ As I set down I took notice that th’ seat wuz kinder damp like, an’ all of a suddent it flashed acrost me that Mary ‘d been a-paintin’ things th’ Saterday afore, an’ probly th milk-bench wuz one o’ th’ things she'd teched up. Thinks Iter m’self, says I, ‘Bill, as long as you're in the stew you might jest ez well stay thar; an’, doc, T did stay thar till daylight, settin’on thatair bench a-peelin’ pertaters. When daylight come along, what d’ yer s'pose 2” “You probably got off the bench and went into the house. “Got offn the bench? You jest bet your suspenders I did, an’ blamed lively to! Why, doc, what I'd been ettin’ on, in room of bein’ paint, wuz hoar fro: nit struck in, an’ ’f you know anybody who wants comicbooks.com