Judge — 1889 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

BEST THINGS FROM JUDGE. 15 EDGERTON. OME, children, and youshall hear intelligently. It came to us one day while watching a couple about Edgerton. of Italians ‘unloading fag-ends from a city dump-cart. ‘The He was a good dog—that is, the ensemble was Edgerton’s exact shade. region south of his head was— His disappearance was a sad but glorious one. Our servant being a combination of rare old made some sausages one fall day after a recipe which her qualities bestowed on him by one mother in Germany sent her, and Edgerton ate one. It stuck of the biggest ancestries that a crossways in the front hall of his interior, and then in trying dog ever had. to capture a stray cat he got caught in a hole in the fence, His head, however, seemed to and the sausage exploded. have been left out in the lavish A few months after the halliards on the village flag-staff got distribution of charms, and the — fouled, and the artisan who shinned the mast to straighten them artist to whom we are indebted — out found one of Edgerton’s ears plastered on the gilt ball at the forthe accompanying portraithad top of the ec. to retire to the house four times We hardly expect to see him again; but, children, for mental disinfection during the was a good dog. sitting. ae Edgerton He said it was a new sensation AN AUTHORITY ON ENGLISH. tohave anightmare when broadly Hov . c = awake. a1 u not out av a Choinese laundhry dat I Edgerton was a valuable dog "°RY7 COMING Teddy. i in many and diverse respects. He had a habit of pursuing a ROURKE" Why not, faith Baba parasite around himself which we turned to practical use and rest, Jounas—*Sure, thim ratayters do spa-ake English that bad forthe: tired eye. that divil a wur-rud can I undherstand ay thim. All we had to do when he began the chase s to set him, as it were, at the head of the garden walk, and in rolling over and over in an effort to locate his adversary he would sweep that walk as clean Mayor Hewitt's con- science in less than ten seconds, and, unlike a bobtail car horse, would enjoy himself in mak- ing others happy. ‘He rolled off the walk into the water one day, andalways after would soak himself thoroughly before doing the sweeping-act so as not to raise any dust. Edgerton was a_ great dog, children. He came to us through the general offices of a neighbor whose chickens we had poisoned in an effort to disqualify an old bandit of a rat that had its lair under the state line wall be- tween the two villas. The neighbor threw the dog at our front door one dark night, thinking he was a corpse; but he did not know Edgerton, and the next morn- ing we found our protector asleep on the mat. We took him in, put-a collar on him which he wore out of compliment for ten minutes and then chewed off, and he stayed with us through thick and thin (99 per cent. thin) for close on to twelve years. We have often been asked what color we . called him when writing of him, and only A GENEROUS CONCESSION, nce his'dee rewe : ie Lyxcitixa Parry (apolegetically)—" We came to tell yer, ma'am, that we lynched your hus- since his death have we been able to answer j,4n4°""We admit that we got the wrong man, but yer got the laugh on us this time,” HAD TO KEEP UP THE INTEREST. Preacher—‘‘ Attendance falling off somewhat, isn’t it, sexton?” Sextox—‘‘ Yes, sir; they are all going over to Pastor Downs’ church.” Preacuzr—‘ There's evidently got to be something done. Sexton—‘‘Suppose I spread a report about your having kissed a leading member of the flock.” Preacuzr—‘‘ Er—some purely fictitious story would’ er—do just as well, I think.” AN EXPENSIVE LUXURY. Jones was present one day when his son was receiving a lesson in natural history from his tutor. “The spider has eight eyes,” said the pedagogue. “Good heavens!” exclaimed Jones, interrupting, ‘‘how much it must cost them in everli s when they happen to be near-sighted.” THOUGHT THEY CAME TOGETHER. Youxe Wirr—‘‘Haven't I heard you say, James, that you are fond of ham?” Youxc Huspaxp—‘ Yes ; ham and eggs.” Youre Wire—"Well, if you will stop at the market and order about two pounds of ham and eggs we'll have it for dinner.” : A CAREFUL MOTHER, AFTER THE PARTY, Eprru (who has received an invilation from her fiancé)—‘ Mamma, Jack Oup BancELy (lo young Fipps, who is lounging in the hallway)— ‘ ri / “4 Pre iaeyerre says he will be around this evening with a buggy. Youn Firrs (breaking in)—'* Hanged if Ido! You're the ugliest Mamaa—‘‘H’m! Are you sure, dear, that te is able to drive with old cad I've seen for the last five years!" one hand?” comicbooks.com