Judge — December 28, 1889 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE 195 Zins CIRCUMNAVIGATION. FUSTYAMA, JAPAN ew Yor? (Have lost my calendar but am here JUDGE, New York: , only haif an hour behind time) ‘This is a charming place, naturally, but mechanically it is too sombre. After coming across the Pacific in a black-skull coolie-packet, empty, save for the presence of the captain, crew, myself, and a large package of lotus- eaten air between decks, I expected much relief on going ashore; but in accord ance with strict Japanese courtesy the local commissioner of entertainment in- sisted on getting up an impromptu beheading-bee for my delectation, and notwith- standing my retiring disposition I had either to take a reserved seat or contribute to the performance in person. The upper story of my head might come off with- out any injury to my personal beauty, but as I am on salary my duty to my em- ployers would seem to require that I keep the part containing my talking appa- ratus free from fissures and cracks. T will not describe the “The local commissioner of scene. You entertainment.” had a similar one in New York when Colonel Erhardt got his legs tucked under his desk at the custom-house, and it must be familiar. The actors acquitted themselves admirably, and at the close of the A’ishiwishy (I think they called it) I regretted that they could not respond to the enthusiastic encore. That hat reached me all right, but I fail to see why you had the band made of India-rubber, It will be time enough to wear gne like it after I get home and see the reproduction of the sketches that I am sending daily by carrier-pigeon, In this connection I have adopted the Japanese costume for my day's stay here, and in some way the hat don't seem to match it, There is a flight of storks and turtles and things embroidered around my bosom which the hat seems to frighten, and as I have to remove my shoes every time I enter a house and my feet are not ike, Lam sure I should attract unfavorable criticism on Broadway in my present garb, Everybody here insists on my drinking tea. It has always been associated in my mind with toast, sewing-circles, and illness, and I-don’t like it, but it has to go. I drank so much at a Kashahaity, or tea-fight, yesterday that my eyes obliqued, the brows drew up, my face turned:the orthodox shark-skin color, and a young Jap called me “'pishwish,” which is the equivalent of “papa.” How I begin to long for that ebon caterer of ours and his five-dollar fable d'héte. I received a telephone-call this a, m, and had a long talk with Miss Bly. She is coming my way fast, and if I can induce her to waive an introduction and meet me at the vale of Cashmere she shall have the best shawl that old Cashmere has on tap in his store and untcld advice as to pit-falls in the route I have been over. Please ask Mr. Gillam if he has a relative here named Kuki Hoy. He says he suggested "A young Jap called me ‘ pishwish,'" the use of India-ink for skin decoration during one of our recent campaigns, and that Mr, Gillam has evidently forgotten him, as he promised to send him JupGe for a year. To-morrow I start overland for Pin Hole, China. 1 had engaged a palanquin but found on trial that either my feet or shoulders would have to walk, and I concluded to let them share up and carry my head between them, Here comes the — (Borrox's xore—We fear from the sudden closing of the dispatches that something has happened to Zim, But his pluck and letter of credit are saving elements and we shall hope for the best.—J. §. 6, THERE IS NO DISPUTING THIS, McCorkle —* What do you think of Christmas, anyhow ?” McCrackle—" Weil, there are no flies on it,” SING A SONG OF CHRISTMAS, G a song of Christmas, Stockings full of toys! Just the thing to please us Little girls and boys, Now they all are empti Lots for me and you, Wasn't that a pretty thing For Santa Claus to do? HE FILLS THEM, S¢GANTA CLAUS is really a very large merchant,” re- marked Simeral. “How do you make that out?” asked Snooper. © “He has a large stockin’ trade.” JUST LIKE HIM. GO YJHAT a queer Christmas gift! Pa, see The monkey Charley sent to me "Tis strange such an idea should strike him." “Oh, no, my dear. It is just like him.” THE IMPLEMENT CAME NATURAL TO HIM. “Sure, Mrs. Mulcahy, whin Oi heard the thumpin’ Oi thought you an’ the masther was A MISTLETOE NYMPH. havin’ a scrimmage.” **Divil a bit, Mrs. Heffernan. The ould man’s only dhrivin’ the tacks in a new bit av fe —" How did you learn to kiss so nicely, my dear? second-hand carpet Oi pur-r-chased for the drawin’-room |" Jennie —" Charley has been teaching me how to whistle.” comicbooks.com