Judge — November 16, 1889 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OW do you think I last my fair? T taxed my brain and wasted time Weaving some tender thoughts of her Into a sweet and gracious rhyme. She isa singer. So one night When she had sung a song to me, “This you have done for your love,” I said “Listen to what he hath wrought for thee.” ‘Then, unfolding a perfumed page, “Generous creature,” I began— Jove! Such arrows of angry looks Never before were shot at man ! she cried, When she has Unaware of the critic's ear Worn by him she has called her choice ! “Gol!” she cried, "‘and another seek, Not a screecher ; or, if she be, One whose temper is far more meek When her lover is far too free.” Never a word of my defense Moved the maid to forgive my “That was the way I lost my love, Ere she had heard the half my rhyme. MRS. GEORGE ARCHIRALD. crime. CRITICISED THE INGREDIENTS. &6P)O YOU call that beef-stew ?” asked a customer of a iter in a cheap restaurant just as he had nearly ruined his set of false teeth by biting on some substance of stony hardness. “Beef? Yes, sir; certainly, sir.” “ Well, if it is you needn't have put in the horns,” was the tart rejoinder. OU needn't take care of your lungs; never fear, For they can take air of themselves, that is clear. HER WORD FOR IT. AUNT BeTHseDA—"* Whar's yo' gwine, Isr‘ul ?” a Isart—‘ Inter d’ swamp. Dey offah of a dollah fer votin’ d’ Dimmycratic ticket.” AUNT BETHSEDA—" Fo! massy’s sake! whad a fool yo" is. ite trash down td’ village whad says I's gotter git shot ‘r else tek up he’s Why doan’ yo" git d’ dollah en den—en den backslide ?” HE HAD PLAYED THAT. City cousin —* Uncle Abner, do you play whist?” Farmer Hayseed — No, Charley; | don't know any- thing“about any game but bunco.” EASILY DISPOSED OF. Lawyer —* What is your age?” Female witness —"| refuse to answer the question.” Judge — Put it down ‘silurian’ and pass on to the next question.” IN THE OUTER LOBBY. Torrincrox—"I can’t get seats near the aisle and 1 nate awfully to disturb people between the acts.” Mrs, TORRINGTON (one of those infrequent angels) — “Why not go out now and drink ten cocktails at once? I'll wait here for you." AN APOLLO-LIKE FOOT. Touchemup (an artist) —" Par- don me, Mr. Tascott, but you have a foot like Apollo.” Tascott (elated) —“Ah, indeed! Apollo Belvedere?” Touchemup —"No; Apollo John- son of Water street.” WE'LL SEE. Y LOVE ne'er answers yes or no. To questions asked by me; I think he's tantalizing, For he always says “We'll see.” He fears to compromise himself, Else habit's firm decree ‘When questioned by the priest in church, I know I'll worried be For fear he'll answer not, I wil But in its stead, “* We'll see.” 1ONK LiJonEs, NOT TRUSTWORTHY. Bagley —* Who told you that ridiculous story about my having had trouble with the governor?” Bailey —" Joe Armitage.” Bagley —“ Well, you don't be- lieve it, I hope.” Bailey—"Of course not. Armitage lives in Cincinnati.” comicbooks.com