Judge — November 16, 1889 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. Publisher + + Wi. Aww. ‘Art Department ~~ Bensn ilier jn oar ea TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITED STATES AND CANADA, IN ADVANCE. One copy, one year, or s2 numbers ~ §5.07 One copy, six months, or 26 numbers - 2.50 One copy: for 13 weeks = = = 1.35 Single copies, 10 cents cach. CRIPTIONS To alt for 14 in the postal union, $6 a year. THE JuDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (Jupcr BuiLpING), Cor. Fifth Ave. and 16th St., New York. CB-We guarantee advertisers American satirical paper publithec The juvcn is for sale at Brentano's, 17 Avenue de Opera, 490 Strand, London larger circulation at cheaper rates than any other rit, and at Brentano's, MR Bears HE IMPRESSION prevails that au before the final letter. is so well that he is likely to make his opponents very ill. suse ammany hall should be spelled with TWO EDITORS of Mexico recently threatened to fight a duel; but as nothing came of it the pen is still mightier than the sword. A LITTLE HIGHER THAN THE ANGELS. MUGWUMP is always and everywhere a mugwump. Let it be ad- judged after he dies that a portion of his paradise shall be used as a fair for the universe and he will insist in great wrath that he shall be per- mitted to have private apartments in the place devoted wholly to punish- ment. He has no respect for wisdom or justice of any kind unless it origi- nates with bis imperial self. The voice of the majority is in his ear the voice of evil. The vanity of that man nearly equals his impudence. Presently he will call up all the angels with the purpose of subjecting them to certain interrogatories designed to show that the angels should be deposed to give the mugwump their place. LAW. HE HON. BOURKE COCHRAN has a great principle to establish— whether, for instance, a man who deserves death shall be choked to death with a rope or shocked to death with certain things indefinitely called volts, So far as the Hon. Mr. Kemmler, the distinguished Buffalo murderer, is concerned, it is a suggestive fact that when he killed his wife he did it with a club, or a knife, or something of that kind; so that really he lacks the refinement as to methods of death that Mr. Cochran pos- But that is not material, It may even be irrelevant, improper, sible, and the various other things that judges devote their time to splitting their hairs on. Meanwhile these ZMS to be an aphorism of some of New York's millionaires that the world’s fair is no affair of theirs. CALVIN S. BRICE ought to secure the original The notoriety of that man might make him president. — ‘ascott. “LACK shows conclusively ever got a divorce, and be- sides that his divorce was more than pardonable. THE WAY that Governor Hill touched the tariff during the late campaign suggests extreme fear lest he should burn his fingers. THE BENDER WOMEN have been caught at last; but if they are searched it will probably transpire that they are Mr. Tascott in disguise. WE IMAGINE that Governor Hill will et there—with the aid, of course, of the ambulance-wagon and the necessity of the subsequent inquest. HE SADDEST THING in the recent clection—That Mrs. Emma Beckwith, inant candidate for mayor of Brooklyn, was left among the autumn leaves. could do on w railroad 2” T IS NOT pleasant to think that General Grant's body is still claimed by the four points of the continent, but we at least know that his soul is marching on. two hundred thousand dollars to give [! COST the ta nd their motto now is, “Welcome the welcome to Kaiser William ; going, speed the departing guest.” THE QUEEN is as grievously troubled over Wales's threatened death as she has been for many years over his living. Apparently nothing can satisfy persons of her positive convictions. N of Philadelphia was arrested by a superior officer for antably biting a man’s thumb. He thought, perhaps, that the man had unwarrantably bitten his thumb at him. MARIE HALTON Liltian-Russelled with a Solomon who had the requisite funds to make her happy. ‘Therefore she was wise, be- cause there is nothing in an essentially bad woman thirty-five years old that is worth half as much as money. She has made a good bargain, and her purchaser has shown for the first time that he doesn’t know paste from diamonds. PPLICANT —"*I wantsh a p'sition.”” What do you suppose a man like you APPLICANT —"" I shought y" might use me t' flag trainsh wiz.” trials and appeals and reappeals and postponements and adjournments and re- adjustments and reconsiderations, and such things as they, will continue to trans- pire; and by the time the Hon, Mr. Kemmler dies he will have cost the tax- payers some millions of dollars and made the Hon. Mr. Cochran a somewhat famous as well as a very rich man. HE LACKS THE GERM. COLONEL INGERSOLL, poet, philosopher, and wit, was robbed of his hair very much as he was of that slight grain of common-sense which shows that it is easier, as well as better, to believe in God than to doubt without him, The col- onel skips the little to know the much, and the much in his condition of intellect is not profit here, whatever it may be hereafter. But the colonel is honest, and that will count in large amount in the general judg- ment; and it will be great disappointment to two-thirds of the occupants of paradise if they are not permitted to take his hand and lead him up to glory. WELL FITTED. —— DEMOCRACY. BLACK MAN has received the hig est class honor that Harvard college can confer, ‘That fact puts in the shade all the talk about equality that is agitating so many persons, Social mat- ters regulate themselves, and there is no social or other law to which they can be made to submit, Worth counts, and a black man has as good a right to make money and win educational and other honors as if he were white, Does this mean amalgamation? Well, do ducks as a gen- eral thing prefer the company of hens? BUYING BLOOD. T MUST be gratifying to the great Democratic party that there is abso- lute free trade in foreign titles. The great demand on the part of cheap families, having no ancestral credit and with a very narrow and a very shabby history, for titled distinction, has grown to the proportions of an industry. It is supposed to have cost Mr. Mackay quite a number of millions to purchase a prince for his daughter. Mrs. Hammersley paid a very large sum for the position of second-hand wife to the duke of Marl- borough. It is currently stated that the purchase-price of Prince Hatz~ feldt, for the adopted daughter of Southern-Pacific Huntington, was in the neighborhood of $10,000,000. Miss Caldwell has not completed her negotiations for Prince Murat, there being a difference of opinion as to the money-value of the grandson of the scaly old tavern-keeper, whose family y was only a reflected light from the good fortune of the first comicbooks.com