Judge — October 19, 1889 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE THE DRUMMER’S MISTAKE. MET her on a Pullman car In section number nine ; Each eye shone like a morning star, With radiance divine, So when I placed my bags and traps In section number ten She looked so tempting 'mid her wraps I sought her face again. She glanced at me with roguish pose, Yet innocent of guile, ‘Then colored like a blushing rose And tried to hide a smile ; ‘The sweet confusion but‘enhanced Her dainty tint of pink, And quite by'accident she chanced The nearest eye to wink. When’ she refused my proffered card, With scorn ‘and. proud disdain, I tried my best and pleaded hard My error to explain. ¥ She listened to my mumblings crude “Then tossed her nose on high 2». ““Tthink,” she said,‘tyou'd winkif you'd Accinder in your. eye.” 2 unr ARNOLD. UNNECESSARY CAUTION. PORTLAND, MAINE, “CITIZEN (landing in New -York)—**You've got’ a ESIDENT —" Thank you.” : PORTLAND CITIZEN—** You wouldn't give me'up to’ the authorities :if-I asked you a question, would you ?” BANK PRESIDENT—"' Depends on what you-want.” PORTLAND CITIZEN (in @ spasm of appealing doubt)—'\Could you intro duce me to a man who's got a friend who knows somebody who could’ tell'me where I could get a glass of weiss-beer? I'm most’ choked.” STRUCK IT THE FIRST TIME. 6£D)O YOU know who her grandfather was? Have you ascertained anything in regard to her pedigree? Those are things you ought to know about the woman you are to make your wife.” “Oh, hang her grandfather !" “My boy, that’s just what they did.” WHAT A CROWD IN BOSTON MEANS. Stranger —* What is the meaning of this vast crowd ; something un- usual happening? Boston man —""\ don’t know, sir. T have just arrived on the ground myself, It may be that a symphony conceit is just over, or it may be that Mr, Sullivan is drunk again.” A WIDE MARGIN. WHY are rich widowers like the fashionable trousers? Because the Croesus popular. are ACME OF SARCASM. Downy —" The umpire at the Boston-Chicago game to- day made a very sarcastic remark.” Fleecy —" What say?” Downy —" Play ball.” did he HIS FEELINGS. Gaggs—" How have you been feeling since I saw you?” Waggs (holding up the stumps of four recently am- putated fingers) —* Well, not much of any, thank you.” IT ALL DEPENDS. Mistress (to applicant) — “Well, Mary, you may con- sider yourself engaged, but I shall expect you ‘to stay in evenings. No girl-is fit to attend to her duties without AN ENTRY. “* October aust. “Eptror oF THE ‘New York PLANET,’ “Sir>—Noting that you have offered prizes for the most beautiful infant, I beg to Inclose a photograph. of our little Tommy. ‘Frusting. that the amount will reach us safely, Fam Yours respectfully, “ MasonA.” 8 “October 42d. ‘Error op THE’ New York PLANET.’ “(Sir :—1 sent you a:photograph of our baby's’ grandfather by mistake yesterday, but judging from the portraits ‘you have already published I am willing to trust to luc! competition, Yours respectful “Ms regular hours of sleep. And nothing is more dangerous to health and morals than wandering about the streets and attending parties.” (One week later, three'aim.) Same (to same) —“ Goodness, Mary, what a sleepy-head you are! I want you to understand that I can’t stand outside half an hour when come home from a party. And it’s been just So nearly every night since you came,” ANCIENT HISTORY. JONES: who had been listening to the outpouring of some congressional Boanerges, said to’a friend as he came out into the open air: “Well! that’s what'I'call real oratory.” ut he doesn’t’ understand the English language.” “Never you-mind ; when I went to school'and'studied Greek I read the orations of Demosthenes ; he didn't understand English either, and yet they call-him a great orator.” A DUTY WELL PERFORMED, CorDeELia (who has been sent out to" shoo” the hens) —"' It's only wan o! th’ divils Oi cud git me grip an, mum, but he’s th’ ring-lader,” s comicbooks.com