Judge — October 19, 1889 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE 23 THE BALLAD OF THE RED EAR. A TAL WHY, INDEED? OF THE HUSKING-BEE, *¢] SHOULD like to know,” remarked OME listen, maids and spinsters, and youths of all degree, Jones as he left the court-room, “ what To what once tely happeoed st an ancient buaking-be. earthly use there is in sentencing such fel- tober threw her banners out that autumn when it came ee : i ‘Until the hills were rainbowed in a checkered robe of flame. lows, 2 tprsoament [or life. they ake it a point never to serve out half their terms. Thick on the barn-floor sat the group—each village-youth and maid— And the girls were all so pretty it made us half afraid When we knew that every red ear in a git!’s lap brought this bliss, A DAMPENER. ‘The girl who husked it must accord the nimblest youth a kiss. Young actor —* Have you seen me in Now I had brought the prettiest maid, full-named Jerusha Sykes, the new piece ?” Zz fA the Tab bey wo assed ols he lve sow th kes Friend —"No; have you a part?” he : by her side sat, closely veiled, which seemed uncommon queer, SEV yeah, Th ain Another girl to whom she tossed her first unlucky ear. Voune \ actor c—¥ ca.) indeed :xit) is) the success of my life. There's a good deal of Tt was the plan of all the girls to whom a red ear came rage cette i wanes a To throw it in the veiled girl's lap—which was an artful game ; ragic acting ‘in it. ‘on’t you come over But until I made the blunder, which I now proceed to state, and see me?’ The cause thereof not one of us could well vaticinate, Friend—* Well, 1 don't. know; you Of course when my Jerusha husked an ear of flaming red know I don’t just like you in funny 1 fixed my lips, but she maintained in spite of all I said characters.” That it was in the veiled girl's lap, where I saw her a deftly throw it, And if | hankered for a kiss the veiled maid must bestow it. baffled by such archness, and wishing not to miss My just reward, I proffered to this unknown girl a kiss ; When lo! I soon discovered the artfulness of maids, For I lacked an ace of kissing one “ black as the ace of spades!" * Great Jupiter !" I thought at once, this will not do for me, And I left my false Jerusha to run that husking-bee. From most things in the kissing line I do not ever wince, But I've drawn the line on substitutes and huskings ever since. JORL BENTON. A DESPERATE MAN. AGLEY had called on fifteen landlords, all of whom objected to leasing him their houses be- cause he had child At last he became des- perate and resolved to have a house at any cost. “ Well,” he said to landlord number sixteen, "I guess I'll take this place.” “Pardon me, sit,” said the landlord, * but have you any children ? “Yes;" sighed Bagley, “but I'll kill them.” A MISTAKEN COMPLIMENT. Mr. Blanderhed (to fond mother and father) — “What remarkable children yours are! Where déd they get so much beauty and cleverness ?” And Blunderhed can’t understand why the par- A ALT waa pitts : (Denslorw has invited a party of friends to a home-poker sy ents of the remarkable children are cool to him. jy sie Juncheon just as Denslow gets his first hand in two hours Most people love to have their children praised. usual to have every card in your hand clubs ?” sporium, and Mrs, Denslow brings “Why, Tommy ! isn’t it rather un- PEOPLE READ ABOUT. CEYVHO are the brilliantly-dressed military men on the, opposite side of the room?” she asked at the ball. “Those are some of our glittering generaliti plied her editorial escort. ren DELUSION. nature's sweet restorer, balmy sleep,” T've read, I'm sure, a hundred times or more: And yet, pray what doth balmy sleep restore ? Of what avail these much-praised slumbers deep? It may be that with sleep the pulses leap, That cheeks assume a tint they never wore, ‘That to Olympian heights our fancies soar ; ° But notwithstanding all our ills we keep. Pshaw! Let the poets on sweet sleep dilate. Tnever yet such deep delusion saw. *Tis but excited fancy's ecstasy. It can't restore the hair unto my pate, Tt can't put teeth within my empty jaw, Nor give me back the maid who jilted me. NATWAN St. LEVY, QUESTION AND ANSWER. Boarding-house mistress —* Mr, Calkins, what did NEARING (LAND, you mean when you called my establishment a ‘hash- Yet that's Sandy Hook Bowe a es; that's Sandy Hook ; = Morpny (staring hard at the fisherman) orra th’ day th’ foorst man I see in Ameriky Afr. Calkins —“ Mrs. Squeezer, would you have had bees a Scotchman.” me refer to it as a‘ hash-joint ?*” comicbooks.com