Judge — October 5, 1889 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

415 CAUSE OF THE COMPLAINT. S6\VHEN a man gets more than he thought he was get- ting in a horse-trade he ought not to kick, had he ? “Well, I should say not.” “Gimlet bought an animal from me last week and now he is furious.” “You don’t mean to say he got more than he asked for?” “Yes; but only two spavins.” % BEHIND THE SCENES. N.MY trapeze performance the men are all struck ; They write me the most gushing notes. ~ Here's one that in heart-rending pathos declares (On my willowy figure be dotes! Another one begs me to leave this wild life; He offers me wealth and position. ‘That sounds very well, but alas! he would find To his life I'd be no acquisition. “Oh, why can’t I love him ?"—(I can't help but smite— To me such a comical notion.) He begs me to answer within a few days, And swears everlasting devotion. Tit answer ; I think he's mistaken in me. (He'll smile when the full truth he knows.) ‘There's just one objection—but that’s quite enough— T'ma man who performs in girls clothes. ERT NROWN. ANOTHER CASE ENTIRELY. Judge —" James Ricketts, there is a charge of fighting against you. Don't you remember that scriptural advice, if a man strike you on the right cheek to turn the left to him STARTING THE NEW AVOCATION. also?” REDUCED FRONTIERSMAN (outside) Don't shoot ‘ness I jerk the string, Pontius.” I've got t’ beg, I'm goin’ t' do it in style. Prisoner — Yes, yer honor, but Bill Symmes he hit me left cheek first. OLD SAWS WITH NEW HANDLES. For the debtor —L-ook before you run deep. For the fashion-belle—Dress does not make the cover. For the student—Never judge the book by odd numbers. For the base-ball umpire—It is never too late to save nine. For the dilatory wooer—A contented mind never won fair lady. For the meerschaum—Where there is smoke there is a friend indeed. For the cook—Sweet are the uses of chickens before they are hatched. For the cautious bachelor—& faint heart runs long, but he’s caught at last. For the winning horse—W's never too late to go by contraries. For the toboggan slide—There’s ma- ny a slip that never did run smooth, For the hungry man—A watched pot hath charms to soothe a savage breast. For the profane AFFORDING HIM ALL THE FACILITIES. driver—None so * Now, friend, you want to lay right here.” deaf as a blind —"* What for, may I awsk?" forse: VAS nod is * Fer jest this. ' My friend here, Mike the guide, 's goin’ u app, tef Canal street t' scare up a grizzly, an’ when the bear comes runnin’ by here you' as good as a wink git a bully shot at him, I'll take your grip-sack ‘round th’ corner, so it won't git to those who won't — mussed up in th’ fight.” hear. =e MADELINK s. nxIDGRS. NO CAUSE FOR HASTE. BAGLEY was one of three hundred men and women who were standing on the pier waiting to board an excursion boat. An excitable Jew behind him kept pushing him ahead, Bagley AS. P. C. A. PETITION. you and I, when we rode in the park long ago, expostulated with him mildly at first, but this had no effect, so finally, much out of patience, he Knew well that the donkey was tame; And Sally and Dick in their riding to-day Are prone to believe him the same. turned around and exclaimed : : “This isn’t the crucifixion you're going to; it's only a boat-ride.”” Bat stop and consider the thoughts of the donk, s 4 With his brain wrought by scorn to congestion, EVERYTHING LOVELY. And let it occur that, with all his bad faults, Boston mother (while the ball is at its full height)—" Is everything going smoothly, Janet ?” What the ass thinks of ws is the question. «. Daughter—" Ves, mother; the caterer has just opened the seventh barrel of beans,” comicbooks.com