Judge — September 7, 1889 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LADIES’ Four ladies playing whist. ’ “Is it my lead?” asks the first * Well, of all hands, I've the worst!" “Dear me! if Lonly knew? What you had,” chirps number two. “Now [can’t say, on the whole, That this play accords with Pole, But it is the best Ihave,” Number three says, mild and suave. While above this small uproar JUDGE WHIST. This I think's the leading spade. O-b! T thought that jack was played.” “Well, that makes two points for you. One for us, did you say, Sue?” “How can that be? Did you trump?” * Have you heard about the bump Nellie’s boy had on his head ?” ‘Isn't that a lovely spread?” “Did T take that trick? Dear me!" Here strike in the other three, Comes the chorus from all four, “What's the trump?” ™ What's the trump?” . is that your ace?” Oh, say, have you seen the lace Selling now at Brown and Dart’s?” *T forgot that she trumps hearts.” * And the most exquisite shade— Gracious! haven't you a spade?" it my play? What was led 2” “Do you know you can get thread Only four cents>—John Smith's best "— Just here chime in all the rest, “What's the trump?” ‘© How much better we all play ‘Than we did.” Well, I should say !" “Once I couldn't keep my mind On the game ; but now I find It as easy as.can be.” “Is it your deal? Let me see— No; the cards belong to you.” “I remember now that Sue Led the king, and that the nine— Did you say the lead was mine? ‘What's the trump?” LOvISE PHILLIPS. THE HONEYMOON KISS. Bradley has been married only a week, and has got to go away for a day on business. — = A FACETIOUS JUDGE. TWO brothers named Hart were ar- rested for buncoing a farmer. As the judge sentenced them to five years apiece he said it called to his mind that touching passage, "Two souls with but a single thought; two Harts that beat as one.” ELIXIR. HERE was a very ancient maid, Whose charms were dreadfully decaye, Declared she woulda’t be afraid To try, for luck, that modern aid, ixirt ‘The which she promptly did ; and ob Unless you knew you wouldn’t know That anything could change her $0, And give her such a youthful It made her young, it made her sweet ; It brought a lover to her feet, Who, unsuspicious of a cheat, Pronounced her most uncommon neat. Elixie! And they were wed—alas the day ! For stimulation wore away ; ‘And when her charms refused to May So mad 't made her lord, they say Elixir! = MRS, CEORGE ARCHIBALD A COMPULSORY FRAUD. GEORGIA CRACKER (in Atlanta) —"* You say it ain't wath nothin’ 7" Srore-KeErER— Not five cents, It’s confederate money. Where did you get it?” GrorGIA CRACKER —"' Hank Uplans passed it on m had it in a stockin’ up-garret ever sence, a-savin’ of it up $ —" Can't you pass it back on him ‘way back in “62, T've 3 R easy. Yer see, Hank kinder held back on givin’ of it up, an’ [hed t’ gun him, He never come to,” HAD BEEN THERE BEFORE. NEPHEW to his old and wealthy uncle: “Iam desperate, and unless you send me two thousand dollars by this evening I shall take my life; by midnight I shall be no more.” Reply of the uncle: “Yours of this date received. When, some time ago, you sent me a missive of similar import, and I sent you my revolver, what did you do? You ‘spouted * the weapon. I have no more revolvers, THE WORST BLOW YET. ith the world,” he growled. “You do something the ‘ people don’t like and they turn on you quicker than you can say * Jack Robinson.” Ethel can go home to her mother if she wants to. As long Ihave the house and something to eat I won't care. But great heavens !" he exclaimed, as he looked about the pantry, “I'll be hanged if the milk hasn't (rned too.” Bonny (trying fo be funny) —"* Supposing I should steal him some night and take him to the pound ?” Miss Epcrways—"* I don't believe the pound-keeper would be entirely sure just which one of you to keep.”” comicbooks.com