Judge — August 3, 1889 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE VISITING GRANDMOTHER. Grandmother doesn’t mind at all HE DAYS are very short indeed ‘Our racing up the stairs. i ‘The boys are such a nuisance—yet ‘At grandmother's, it seems; ‘She loves them, she declares. {] Things are so quickly crowded in, We turn the attic upside down, From morn tll sunset beams. ‘And scare the mice away: ‘There's romping on the feather-bed, We masquerade among the clothes, With pillows fat and light ‘And play tricks all the day. Apu istic warfare, boys, Ah folly isthe life we lead mut ‘That ends in mimic fight. re upon the (arm, ‘We never have such fun at home, With nota teacher s face i sight For there we're very still : ‘9 drive away the charm. But up here at grandmother's house ‘The days are very short indeed At grandmother's, it seems ; ‘Things are so quickly crowded in, From morn till sunset beams. ‘We do whate’er we will. THEY ALWAYS DO WHEN IT’S SINKING. Captain (in mid-ocean) —" Well, Smith, how do things look 2” Mate—" Pretty bad, captain, The vessel is leaking fast. hope is not yet gone, Captain —"V'm glad to hear you say that.” Mate—* Up to the present time not a rat has left the ship.” ONE EFFECT OF THE WHEAT CORNER. 66YOU HAVE a large family, I understand,” said the landlord to a German who wanted to rent one of his houses. I haf shoost a paker’s dotzen.” rhirteen children, ¢ Nein, De brice of preat only twell. gocs up. und de paker’s dotzs A SLIGHT ERROR. [8 A. RESTAURANT. Customer —* Waiter, just look at this spoon ; i been drinking chocolate with it, and it isn’t washed. Waiter (with emphasis) —" Tha not chocolate ; it’s verdigris, UNEROFITARLE BUSINESS: AN EYE TO BUSINESS. Finsr Porsatay rogreg —"*Whad’s yo! ser nervous ‘bout, Johnw'n 2" ° 3 SECOND roRTER—" L's a quartah out; da's whad I's narvous ‘bout. Done | A COUPLE of burglars had just ransacked a lawyer's house. The legal blacked a pah ob my own boots by mistake fer dat nabob’s in d’ fo’th suction.” light was aroused by the midnight marauders, and just as they were about to leave his room he handed them a pasteboard. A MYSTERY E “My card,” he said, “If you are caught by the police you may want counsel irty. Somebody's PLAINED, Gentleman — Here! what are you doing with my dog ?” Tramp—" Is that your dog, boss? I'm glad I've found his owner. HIS DISGUISE P! RATED. I've been trying to send him back to home for an hour.” JX THE MusEUM Gentleman —" iow in thunder do you expect the dog can go home HTe—" What a villainous-looking monkey that is! I declare, it looks while you have a string tjed around his neck ?” just like our old gardener, Tramp— Mike, The monkey (in a whisper) — For hivin's sake don’t give ! ‘Th’ chimpanzay in th’ nixt cage is a dethective from Chicago, an’ he wants me for imbizzlemint.” here! 1 knew something was wrong; but for the life of me I couldn't tell why that dog followed me. | Permit me, sir, to restore to you your property.” ADVICE, HOULD you tell a maid you love her And she coyly answers * Yes,"" Take her to your heart and hold her For your lifelong happiness. me awa HER OWN BLAME, Mrs, Brow making faces) see you do that aj Little Johnni ma. You wouldn't have seen me now if you hadn't looked.” (catching him Never let me ‘Should you tell a maid you love het i] And she promptly answers Don’t despair—just try another, Be a man, and let her go. Should you both fond pledges utter ‘And you find your vows untrue, else to tell you What in mercy’s name t A GOOD THING. Gentleman —"Ate you sat- isfied that this burglar-alarm is a good th Klectr should say so. dollars on every one we put in, between you A MODERN HERO. [8 OKLAHOMA. First boomer —"\ prevent- ed a terrible tragedy to-day.” Second boomer —* Mow Ww that ? First boomer—"\ T. man came along and thi ened to put a bullet through me if I didn't get off his claim.” SOME TRACES LEFT. RS, G., being no longer young, has grown just a trifle bitter. y “She has no longer the A BALD INSULT. about the terrible trage feeairieds Of! 1he teae CoM Mr. Bairp—"' You have treated me with contempt, and our engagement is at an how did you avert that mented a lady friend, “bur 4 ,,Mermit me to, wish you a very good evening.” i ented a lady friend, Miss Crise ia moment, Lizette, run up in my dress she still preserves its thorns.” get that lock of Mr. I hair, He may need it for his next fan ‘ond boomer —" Well, what First boomer —" Why, 1 got off his clais se drawer and. Ww Raird