Judge — July 27, 1889 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A PRIZE. HEY are scarce and hard to capture, and it's with exquisite rapture that I write about my fortune in the kitchen of my ranch. 1 am joyful—yes, delighted—for my efforts are \" Fequited to obtain a maid-of-all-work who delieves not in revanche. ‘She's my jewel, she’s my treasure, and it is my greatest pleasure to describe her many virtues with the versifier’s pen ; For her equal as a servant doesn't live (you see, T'm fervent), and I'm thankful that I'm favored over ordinary men. In the first place, Bridget's lazy, and I fear a trifle crazy, and she's fat and old and homely, and she talks one deaf and dumb ; And she's always sick and ailing, says for years her health's been failing, and she limps and halts and falters, and she's very fond of rum. ‘Asa cook she’s simply fearful, and T grow a trifle tearful when I look upon the victuals that she wastes from day to day ; Bat I cannot scold or blame her, and I haven't time totame her, and T think it wouldn't do much good—because she's built that way. I shall never cease to praise her—Bridget Ann McGinty Frazer—for her virtues are above the ordinary earthly kind ; For she doesn't seck to rule you, and she never tries to school you, and the idea of a bossship hasn't ever crosced her mind. LOOKING BACK. SWE ARE all growing older every day,” moralized old Deepthinker. : ig Seen STARTLED TRAVELER—" Oh! do have mercy, good Mr. Indian.” Yes,” assented Merritt; “‘all except Miss Spider. She His ANTAGONIST—"* Don't be alarmed. My name is Dougherty, of New York, and I'm grows five years younger every time she mentions her age.” _ sellin’ dumb-bells to the boomers for slung-shots. i AN OKLAHOMA SCARE, ONE WAY OF PUTTING IT. esn't take back what he said to me this morning I shall vamose the ranch,” ss that?” “Why, he said that hereafter he should try and dispense with my valuable services,” ALWAYS GOT THE BEST. Mistress —" Where are the nails, John ?” John—"\ didn't know what kind you wanted, ma'am. Mistress—" What kinds did the dealer have?” nea a A MISTAKE IN THE GENUS. Mr. CLoopur (at Fire island) —"' You've got the biggesh cheek of any coon Tever sheen. Jesh ‘cause Hatter, John. You know we always get the I forgot t' fee yer for bringin’ me zhat tough steak f° breakfash, you swim out after it.” best.” A NEW READING. ¢¢ POST NO BILLS!” ejaculated Fleccy, read~ ing the well-known sign seen in many parts of the city. “Humph! I never do; I always pre- fer sending them by the collector.” A NEW DEFINITION. SOWVHAT is the difference between firmness and obstinacy?” asks some one. A philosopher replies, “Firmness is the stick- ing to your own opinion; obstinacy, the action of those who argue with you and follow your ex- ample.” anes : WOMAN'S RITES. Mr, Newhusbande (of California) —* Have you bought that pretty house you wanted so much ? Mrs. Newhusbande—"No; V've got to till day after to-morrow, then I get the monthly ony from my first three husbands, and it will be just enough.” OF LITTLE CONSEQUENCE. 66] LL SUE you for twenty thousand dolla scoundrel!” cried old Brown, “You've drawn the wrong tooth.” “Don't grow so excited about a little thing of . PERMANENTLY DISOU AP ED: 5 that kind,” retumed the dentist. “Ie will eget you Cotoser, Bratntrer—" What do you mean by being so careless, you rascal” . Caro ress yo" heart, sal! I'se done practised so much wiv dat yer hogs in clober dat I cain't only five dollars to have it put back.”* git ober d’ motion,” m ae comicbooks.com